Netcees  

Go Back   Netcees > Forum > Open Mic Section

User Tag List

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 06-12-2018, 10:31 PM   #1
Mediocrity
Brother
 
Mediocrity's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 518




Rep Power: 4919692
Mediocrity has a brilliant futureMediocrity has a brilliant futureMediocrity has a brilliant futureMediocrity has a brilliant futureMediocrity has a brilliant futureMediocrity has a brilliant futureMediocrity has a brilliant futureMediocrity has a brilliant futureMediocrity has a brilliant futureMediocrity has a brilliant futureMediocrity has a brilliant future
Default Biopic

This is the..

Story of kid moving through life trying to find His purpose
all the set backs and mistakes make Him question is it all worth it.
Pen’n verses trying to find out what His problem is
it all started when it was time to move out His mommas crib..
Overprotective mother always kept a hand on His short leash
so it was no surprise when He was swallowed up by the streets.
On His own, in His own apartment with no direction
Sufferin’ from depression & emotional regression.
Never learned to vent His emotions properly as a kid
kept them bottled up until they exploded up out the lid
blackout with the anger He won’t remember a thing He did.
He was in a relationship with who He thought was gon be the one
had plans of marriage and eventually having a son
that went out the window when she said that she’s finally done.
She went to the bar with some friends and she found someone.
He was working overnights so she went out a couple times
flirted with the new guy, eventually said goodbye.
He was making promises and He never seemed to keep it
To busy chasing a high tryna hide His drug habit secret.
He got caught up at a bad time and gave into the devils wishes
now He’s in the trenches behind on rent and facing eviction
On top of losing His job and His girl so close to Christmas.
Moved in with His homie when He was kicked out of His apartment
that’s when the real problems started, that’s when shit got real retarded
He was doing drugs so often that He avoided contact.
Family and friends reached out but He was in isolation
hiding from the world and all His problems He ain’t wanna face em.
Only time He came outside when it was time to re-up or to the food pantry to collect His free stuff like twice a month.
But all that came to end when they couldn’t keep the apartment
eviction notice posted again He started to feel like a target.
Angry at God and blaming him for making His life a hell
at this time He didn’t care if He wound up dead or in jail.
Moved out of town and down south to live with His father
but His demons followed and He layed in bed feeling hollow.
Screaming inside an empty house pretending that she could hear him.
Staying up for days at a time hallucinating quite often
having conversations with His shadow but nobody talkin.
Almost a year goes by of this cycle turned Him into a psycho.
One day He woke up from crashing out for about 12 hours
overcome with determination to change His outcome.
He was tired of living the life that He’s been livin
wanted to make a difference and for once make a good decision...

Pt. 2 coming soon.. soon as I finish it.
__________________
I’m the true King Author, crowned or not
what I release is X caliber, it’s bound to rock

Last edited by Mediocrity; 06-12-2018 at 10:35 PM.
Mediocrity is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-03-2018, 01:33 AM   #2
Pharaohs Army
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,962
Battle Record: 6 - 14



Rep Power: 0
Pharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant future
Default

Only time He came outside when it was time to re-up or to the food pantry to collect His free stuff

I liked that rhyme

This is okay man, but it gets a little repetitive with the guy and his problems. Any reason why you capitalized all the He and Hims?

You have pretty good meter with your syllables.

But you need to do a lil' better on the subject matter to capture your readers.
Pharaohs Army is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:11 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2024 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Google+