Fuckin' Millennials

Pinot Grij · 03-06-2016, 04:29 PM

Kids these days! These ingrates are so rude to their elders
Taking for granted who’s paying for your food and your shelter
Little fuckers - stop giving lip to your mother
Too busy snapchatting your pussies and dicks to eachother
When I was your age, all my friends died from smallpox
Now you cry if they spell your name wrong on your latte at Starbucks
You little ungrateful shits can stream any song that you want
But are too distracted to give up your Spotify get onto the bus
Goddamn vegan retards, you have the hardest heads
If we tried to eat gluten-free in my day we’d fucking starve to death
Any criticism is a personal attack, you cry and scream
I bought a house for the same price as your designer jeans
You hate school, it's a labor to make you read War & Peace
You make me wish I took that bullet back on the beach at Normandy

Pinot Grij · 03-06-2016, 04:50 PM

@Adonis @Certain @asylum

Certain · 03-06-2016, 07:18 PM

http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports...13-column.html

Alice White · 03-07-2016, 03:55 PM

The highlights of this verse were its smoothness and interesting narrative, I thought the overall concept was quite good. An intriguing approach you took here, and I really like the direct tone of it. Thought that the "gluten-free" line was good. The last line was expertly conveyed, imo, rather concealing the character's stand point than providing a straightforward closure. Scheme-wise, it was nice, it would've been interesting to see a thorough emphasis on internals and multis, though. But this had a very smooth flow regardless. An entertaining read overall.

Detriment · 03-07-2016, 05:39 PM

The technical execution of this was lacking quite a bit. It wasn't that it "didn't rhyme" or "had no flow" or any of the rubbish you might think I'd say. No, on the contrary it had rhymes and flow but the scheme was pretty basic and if this were an audio piece done too a beat I might over look that but this isn't. We're on a site with a bunch of eye's scrolling over our word's so I think a bit of scheme intensive work is a must. You'll probably disagree and ten other people will probably jump on the "hey don't fuck with pinot" wagon but hey it is what it is and I don't care. Write better next time.

P.S. the concept was good.

Pinot Grij · 03-08-2016, 01:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Detriment

You'll probably disagree and ten other people will probably jump on the "hey don't fuck with pinot" wagon but hey it is what it is and I don't care. Write better next time.

On the contrary. Criticism taken well only leads to improvement. Thank you.

Certain · 03-08-2016, 12:01 PM

That criticism was wrong, though.

Detriment · 03-08-2016, 12:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pinot Grij

On the contrary. Criticism taken well only leads to improvement. Thank you.

Well, now I feel like a proper asshole. Well played.

P.S. You're Welcome.

03-06-2016, 04:29 PM	#1
Pinot Grij Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 863 Battle Record: 23-19 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night 2 - Write Week V - Netcees Battle League (2x) - Winter Topical II - 1-2 Punch league Rep Power: 29195060	Fuckin' Millennials Kids these days! These ingrates are so rude to their elders Taking for granted who’s paying for your food and your shelter Little fuckers - stop giving lip to your mother Too busy snapchatting your pussies and dicks to eachother When I was your age, all my friends died from smallpox Now you cry if they spell your name wrong on your latte at Starbucks You little ungrateful shits can stream any song that you want But are too distracted to give up your Spotify get onto the bus Goddamn vegan retards, you have the hardest heads If we tried to eat gluten-free in my day we’d fucking starve to death Any criticism is a personal attack, you cry and scream I bought a house for the same price as your designer jeans You hate school, it's a labor to make you read War & Peace You make me wish I took that bullet back on the beach at Normandy __________________ Topical C.R.E.A.M.

03-06-2016, 04:50 PM	#2
Pinot Grij Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 863 Battle Record: 23-19 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night 2 - Write Week V - Netcees Battle League (2x) - Winter Topical II - 1-2 Punch league Rep Power: 29195060	@Adonis @Certain @asylum __________________ Topical C.R.E.A.M.

03-06-2016, 07:18 PM	#3
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,072 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899402	http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports...13-column.html __________________ I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.

03-07-2016, 03:55 PM	#4
Alice White Member Join Date: Dec 2015 Posts: 72 Rep Power: 0	The highlights of this verse were its smoothness and interesting narrative, I thought the overall concept was quite good. An intriguing approach you took here, and I really like the direct tone of it. Thought that the "gluten-free" line was good. The last line was expertly conveyed, imo, rather concealing the character's stand point than providing a straightforward closure. Scheme-wise, it was nice, it would've been interesting to see a thorough emphasis on internals and multis, though. But this had a very smooth flow regardless. An entertaining read overall. __________________ https://theprincesstroll.wordpress.com

03-08-2016, 12:01 PM	#7
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,072 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899402	That criticism was wrong, though. __________________ I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.

03-07-2016, 05:39 PM	#5
Detriment Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2016 Posts: 27 Rep Power: 0	The technical execution of this was lacking quite a bit. It wasn't that it "didn't rhyme" or "had no flow" or any of the rubbish you might think I'd say. No, on the contrary it had rhymes and flow but the scheme was pretty basic and if this were an audio piece done too a beat I might over look that but this isn't. We're on a site with a bunch of eye's scrolling over our word's so I think a bit of scheme intensive work is a must. You'll probably disagree and ten other people will probably jump on the "hey don't fuck with pinot" wagon but hey it is what it is and I don't care. Write better next time. P.S. the concept was good.