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Old 01-26-2018, 11:45 AM   #1
Elemental P
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Default My creation

People said the last piece was too short. This one has 10 verses but I'm only posting a few. I gave enough feedback for that.


+MY CREATION+

In the still of black, before light was present/ I filled the vast with sight and essence/ bound fields of grass, to the heights of heaven/ then sealed and masked the night with sketch's/ of constellations, lakes shimmered and reflected purity/ so nourished with the water serene / arose massive and great pillars of respected piety/ I flourish, holy martyr of dreams/ as twirling stars of immense proportions/soon galaxies swirling starts an intense contortion/ came hurling Sparks with intensive portions/ stemmed my early thoughts l intend to flourish/soon erratic gases fused and guised in nebulas/ schematic masses used the light that fed the love//

To my surprise there was mutiny/ until Christ arrived with scrutiny/ And the holy one had banished Satan/ in to hell where lowly slum and famine waited/ the steel I clasp was tight and heavy/ to till my acts with might that's steady/ they will feel my wrath and fight when ready/ cuz my skills with axe just smite the many/ these drones that hate are viewless fakes/ so I chose to make the human race/ as I molded clay while fusing fate/ so I'm holding brave to my newest faith/ the man devised became lonely thus/ I planned a wife for his only trust/ so the book I script of related themes/ made a plan, and took a rib and created Eve/ my servants told, not to eat from the ancient trees/ but soon a serpent Rose from the flagrant leaves/ with free will they have to choose right from wrong/ they have failed and soon to see how the night won't Dawn//

I wasn't born or raised on this Earth/ dazzling lights scorn arrays from my birth/ with a storm I tore away from the dirt/ before I even formed displays of my work/ I emanate life from one breath and levitate light/ as deep as the sun's depth when I meditate nights/ I arrived in excellents as I scribed in my sentences/ while I compose manuscripts give rise to my testaments/ finger tips sculpted the mountains from every breath I let loose/ inject fumes of nitrogen gases and hydrogen atoms that set plooms/ I spit on the ground until I parted and shook the sands/ til rivers formed from my saliva glands and over took the lands/ with movements so gracious I used the knowledge of ancients/and manipulated tree tops for a paint brush I used and painted/ my campaign invaded landscapes across where my hands laid/ making grand lakes I admired my work, that my brush and strands made/

Im the DNA composer of the strands and gears that's generally patterned/ that's so chemically crafted and genetically mastered/I checked my memory backwards solely for the tendency to craft words/the planets and matter of energy I intended to gather/I used to create this Celestial graph work soon in embedded in patterns/mix a better scheme that Cause stars to clash and crashed with/such Immaculate Fashions of actions friction caused fractions/to spark the visual vastness I encrypted so massive/I used the descriptions and status to mimic the gases/of the Big Bang to seal in the masses that depicted the madness/like critical matches to put together atmosphere and weather effects/I created the atlas with oceans of Tears you couldn't even measure the depths//
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Old 01-29-2018, 03:42 AM   #2
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No feedback at all huh.....?
Uppin
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Old 01-29-2018, 07:21 PM   #3
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nice dude, the god pov was pretty dope.. well constructed with schemes and imagery, smoothe flow throughout.. solid bro
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Old 01-29-2018, 10:22 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by Elemental P View Post
No feedback at all huh.....?
Uppin
Gotta feed other pieces to get feed.

That's been the way of the forum for years.
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Old 01-30-2018, 09:54 AM   #5
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Flow nicely done
Solo bars
Stroy went nice and smooth
You are one of the creative writer on here
I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO SEE MORE
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Old 01-31-2018, 12:20 PM   #6
Elemental P
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Originally Posted by Mr. J View Post
Gotta feed other pieces to get feed.

That's been the way of the forum for years.
I been giving plenty of feedback actually.... Take a look around. I don't just say "yo nice drop pz!" If you haven't seen the fact I been giving then look closer
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Old 01-31-2018, 01:44 PM   #7
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If that's true then you should have gotten feed...right?
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Old 01-31-2018, 05:07 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by Mr. J View Post
If that's true then you should have gotten feed...right?
Not necessarily true. I even gave feed to one of genocides tracks, activate self, Lyriscologist, and couple others. Do I need to start posting links next?
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Old 01-31-2018, 05:42 PM   #9
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didn't like, sounded like you were trying to say things with bill nye the science guy swag. somethings were constructed okay, but ultimately it didn't pique interest. hanks for the read
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If mentioned in a discussion its who'd still use wordy lines and act all dope
Then again hes had this schtick so long he like bb da bb da bb thats all folks
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Old 01-31-2018, 06:08 PM   #10
Nick James
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That first stanza culd also describe my penis

actually pretty accurate too. Good shit
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Old 02-02-2018, 09:38 PM   #11
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Bill Nye is the homie, appreciate the props
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