01-26-2018, 11:45 AM | #1 |
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My creation
People said the last piece was too short. This one has 10 verses but I'm only posting a few. I gave enough feedback for that.
+MY CREATION+ In the still of black, before light was present/ I filled the vast with sight and essence/ bound fields of grass, to the heights of heaven/ then sealed and masked the night with sketch's/ of constellations, lakes shimmered and reflected purity/ so nourished with the water serene / arose massive and great pillars of respected piety/ I flourish, holy martyr of dreams/ as twirling stars of immense proportions/soon galaxies swirling starts an intense contortion/ came hurling Sparks with intensive portions/ stemmed my early thoughts l intend to flourish/soon erratic gases fused and guised in nebulas/ schematic masses used the light that fed the love// To my surprise there was mutiny/ until Christ arrived with scrutiny/ And the holy one had banished Satan/ in to hell where lowly slum and famine waited/ the steel I clasp was tight and heavy/ to till my acts with might that's steady/ they will feel my wrath and fight when ready/ cuz my skills with axe just smite the many/ these drones that hate are viewless fakes/ so I chose to make the human race/ as I molded clay while fusing fate/ so I'm holding brave to my newest faith/ the man devised became lonely thus/ I planned a wife for his only trust/ so the book I script of related themes/ made a plan, and took a rib and created Eve/ my servants told, not to eat from the ancient trees/ but soon a serpent Rose from the flagrant leaves/ with free will they have to choose right from wrong/ they have failed and soon to see how the night won't Dawn// I wasn't born or raised on this Earth/ dazzling lights scorn arrays from my birth/ with a storm I tore away from the dirt/ before I even formed displays of my work/ I emanate life from one breath and levitate light/ as deep as the sun's depth when I meditate nights/ I arrived in excellents as I scribed in my sentences/ while I compose manuscripts give rise to my testaments/ finger tips sculpted the mountains from every breath I let loose/ inject fumes of nitrogen gases and hydrogen atoms that set plooms/ I spit on the ground until I parted and shook the sands/ til rivers formed from my saliva glands and over took the lands/ with movements so gracious I used the knowledge of ancients/and manipulated tree tops for a paint brush I used and painted/ my campaign invaded landscapes across where my hands laid/ making grand lakes I admired my work, that my brush and strands made/ Im the DNA composer of the strands and gears that's generally patterned/ that's so chemically crafted and genetically mastered/I checked my memory backwards solely for the tendency to craft words/the planets and matter of energy I intended to gather/I used to create this Celestial graph work soon in embedded in patterns/mix a better scheme that Cause stars to clash and crashed with/such Immaculate Fashions of actions friction caused fractions/to spark the visual vastness I encrypted so massive/I used the descriptions and status to mimic the gases/of the Big Bang to seal in the masses that depicted the madness/like critical matches to put together atmosphere and weather effects/I created the atlas with oceans of Tears you couldn't even measure the depths// |
01-29-2018, 03:42 AM | #2 |
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No feedback at all huh.....?
Uppin |
01-29-2018, 07:21 PM | #3 |
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nice dude, the god pov was pretty dope.. well constructed with schemes and imagery, smoothe flow throughout.. solid bro
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01-29-2018, 10:22 PM | #4 |
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Gotta feed other pieces to get feed.
That's been the way of the forum for years.
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01-30-2018, 09:54 AM | #5 |
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Flow nicely done
Solo bars Stroy went nice and smooth You are one of the creative writer on here I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO SEE MORE |
01-31-2018, 12:20 PM | #6 |
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01-31-2018, 01:44 PM | #7 |
The Clown Prince
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If that's true then you should have gotten feed...right?
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01-31-2018, 05:07 PM | #8 |
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01-31-2018, 05:42 PM | #9 |
obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,716
Battle Record: Faggot-1
Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2
Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek
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didn't like, sounded like you were trying to say things with bill nye the science guy swag. somethings were constructed okay, but ultimately it didn't pique interest. hanks for the read
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01-31-2018, 06:08 PM | #10 |
death to amen
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That first stanza culd also describe my penis
actually pretty accurate too. Good shit |
02-02-2018, 09:38 PM | #11 |
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Bill Nye is the homie, appreciate the props
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