i'm A Better Writer In My Mind Than i Am On Paper

[Fig]

If i write towards perfection, does it make me naive?
Because i strive for you to intercept intentions i sow?

That end rhyme you're looking for -- irreverant. free.
It sits so well, like a memory
see?

You're remembering now. Re-membered in me.
Meaning we are one, re-embering our chest in decrees.
Announced nouns. Reverbiated verbiage. Permeate
pearly gates. It all serves a purpose to me.

Soo fulfilling. Complete. Feeling my ability peak.
You feeling my feelings. An appealing deceit.
Concealing defeat with subtle sounds. Silly. Succinct;

(Guess I could've used "brief" but that syllable stinks)

Guess I could've used meaning but simplicity's cheap
Because the simple things in life leave no mystery..
..meek?

[gitto138]

Ahh dude i was pissed off when it just ends so quick good drop, nice combos n multis structures easy on the eye

[Kin]

Same....didnt like how it.ended...
Like.the structure u use tho....some.deep.thoughts

[ribbit]

Wasnt feeling this either i enjoyed the idea but ur lines didnt flip the concept as well as i thot it could would have enjoyed it more if u expanded on the idea more u needed to make it clear why ur rap sounds bettep in your head than on paper

[big baby]

Hated the content. Seemed force. Repetitive usage of repeating vowels was upsetting because it made the content suffer. Though you may be happy with it now, in two months (if you keep up a rapid pace of writing) it'll seem weak. Everything I've ever written has sucked to me the very next day. Except for about 5 things. IF you encounter this, you'll be proud. The succint part, was just, off to me. Seemed a bit too forced, though it made sense, and you seem to strain your actual thoughts emphasis, rather than enforcing it through a brushstroke. You sort of just splattered the canvass with paint. And you aren't picasso. You're a 9th grade art student. Continue writing and sending me things so I can take you across this path so you can obliterate pancake and certain. You're close.

[YDK]

this was cool bro, like everybody else said wish it woulda been longer.
Your wording was good and wordplays were subtle yet obvious and the whole cadence/flow was smooth as fuck. drop some more bars man

[Fig]

Originally Posted by big baby

Hated the content. Seemed force. Repetitive usage of repeating vowels was upsetting because it made the content suffer. Though you may be happy with it now, in two months (if you keep up a rapid pace of writing) it'll seem weak. Everything I've ever written has sucked to me the very next day. Except for about 5 things. IF you encounter this, you'll be proud. The succint part, was just, off to me. Seemed a bit too forced, though it made sense, and you seem to strain your actual thoughts emphasis, rather than enforcing it through a brushstroke. You sort of just splattered the canvass with paint. And you aren't picasso. You're a 9th grade art student. Continue writing and sending me things so I can take you across this path so you can obliterate pancake and certain. You're close.

thanks bb

and also others, your feed will be returned

[Geno]

not a fan of this one fig. see what you were doing though. the idea was cool. but something about the way you carried it out was to, i dont know, predictable? maybe thats not the best word

but the mechanics were cool. concept was cool. just didnt hit home the way i wanted it to

[Split]

Seemed directionless. Your writing deals a lot with how you see others & how they see you. This was that in its very barebones state which is hard to convey elegantly, and (no offense) you didn't. Sounded almost like a Childish Gambino verse if he was coming down from a lot of shrooms. I guess I liked the ember imagery.

Keep keyin.

[ribbit]

Why does shit like this get so much attention??

[big baby]

Originally Posted by ribbit

Why does shit like this get so much attention??

fig contributes a lot to the community, so the community contributes to when he posts an om, which is rarely.

[ribbit]

Well to me as a writer this dissapoints because there are really talented artists on here ands its hard to weed them out when eryone got sumn to say about shit like this wateva support whoever u want but we all in this shit togetha

[big baby]

shut it

[ribbit]

Fuck u make me

[PancakeBrah]

I think people are being a bit harsh here. This isn't top tier, or as good as some of your other open mics (which I enjoy) but it had some redeeming qualities. The first four lines and the ending two lines weren't good, that's true. A little too precious. But I think the middle had a nice cadence to it and cut down on babble. Overall an interesting read but not on your highlight reel.

[Witty]

Originally Posted by ribbit

Well to me as a writer this dissapoints because there are really talented artists on here ands its hard to weed them out when eryone got sumn to say about shit like this wateva support whoever u want but we all in this shit togetha

Fig's dope.

In fact, if he got his lazy ass act together and actually spent some time on shit, he could challenge anyone imo.

I know that's rich coming from me, the guy whose act hasn't been together for about 2 years now, but it's the truth.

Stop playing fig.

[Zen]

The remembering section made me think of what I sent you for our collab. Which makes me think, why hasn't that been posted yet lol

Fig is good people so obviously people are going to feed him when he posts something. Ribbit you're looking jealous, man and that's not a good look. If you consistently drop feed people will repay the favor.

[UnbornBuddha]

This being a brief ensamble it had a unique wording that contributed to an interesting read. Although the ending was a bit abrupt, and that I felt diminished the piece's performance overall. The ending is the last line that sketches into a reader's heart, and so it should be memorable. But in a way it is memorable because you did the opposite, and ended with an almost flash.

Anyways I was kind of fond of this wording you utilized in this followiing passages:

You're remembering now. Re-membered in me.
Meaning we are one, re-embering our chest in decrees.
Announced nouns. Reverbiated verbiage. Permeate
pearly gates. It all serves a purpose to me.

Soo fulfilling. Complete. Feeling my ability peak.
You feeling my feelings. An appealing deceit.
Concealing defeat with subtle sounds. Silly. Succinct;

It had a very Tonedeff like resemblence, in terms of flow. As for the meaning of this piece, I don't believe that's something your really meant to unravel. Meekness and simplicity that have no mystery and leave no questions of meaning are brought down to the stage, so as to let them harmonize into one's existence, which at times is overly complicated due the structures we implant ourselves.
This is why the first 3 lines, particularly the third you state "That end rhyme you're looking for -- irreverant. free". As if stating by not following rigid guidelines you don't disrespect anything due to provoking their code of honor, or whatever code another follows.
Reality is as difficult, simple, or a mixure of both as one decides it to be. And instead of seeing things simply we get lost in this mirages of meanings that really hide the meaning. At least this what I took from it. Anyways have a happy day.

[Vulgar]

I have to agree with Pancake here. You've got the goods but this ain't had enough sugar, Suga.

Keep figgin'