this too shall pass (melt)

[dead man]

-


go live today and tell me how it felt.
there's nothing left to mellow me, let's melt
into soupy serendipity like stars in a belt
no apples for a doctor to sell. we're bobbing for shells
pop your Klonopin. watch the pin drizzle onto the floor
cliffside the monolith's shore. comet dust our water resource
chlorinated puddles in a tropical storm
swan-dive, the cannonball was par for the course
i left you, shallow and warm. gasping for more
battled disorders by our lonesome but together we mourn
its a legend reborn, reformatted and edited forward
nestle mugs and christmas decor. Mademoiselle at the door
metal cases metamorphic melatonin your pores
amazonian warlord. anybody's crush but nobody's whore
let me open it. rotate the torque and hope that it turns
hiss hateful words and hope that it burns. who am i kidding?
i just wrote you a verse with a prayer that it helps
you know exactly how to make me stay. you made me yourself
coveralls and chuckie dolls your barbie collection
is art in its essence. human being or mark of retention
plastic moldy manifold a point of contention
wax features wax poetic. full attention you're granted
melt into your handprint our identity clash
i would have made us happy if you asked
but ye without anticipation never detaches
thinking to himself: this, too, shall pass

[Split]

I'm going to start off on a tangent.

when I write, lately, I feel as if I begin by stringing together ambient ideas and concepts. I have gotten to a point in my topical writing where I can begin by bullshitting until I stumble upon a thought or thread of ideas worth chasing down, much like how your typical college student writes essays or a race driver settles into a groove. I think this approach facilitates confidence and creativity. Not only are you organically searching for one particular shade of a light as it falls on the motif youre delving into, you are capturing the process, but you're laterally working in details and descriptions that might otherwise get skipped or undeveloped in a focused narrative.

it results in a thought-discussion. a chautauqua. a gorgeous tangent.

when you find this ONE segment that comes alive empowers you to write, you can go back and align and edit your verse to lead to this climax. The better writers need not edit so much to get to this point. But this initial seed crystal that gives rise to the verse (under careful examination by readers/voters) is very often identified by multiple topical writers as the best part of the verse. The highlight. The reason it is so obvious without being objectively approached is very abstract, I think it originates in its formation like I described.

so. Ive often described your verses as a powderkeg, with a single congruent line of thought and imagery running down the middle that, if shaped well, brings the entire verse alive once the apex is clipped. I think that the above ramblings explain that better, as well as address the reason some lines stand out as "real" "honest" "deeply poetic". its just concentric circles of rhymework, based at point like-

anybody's crush but nobody's whore
let me open it. rotate the torque and hope that it turns
hiss hateful words and hope that it burns. who am i kidding?
i just wrote you a verse with a prayer that it helps
you know exactly how to make me stay. you made me yourself

I think this was the crux of this piece. You can tell, the way it fell together was ethereal. It defies the most focused discussion of mechanics and literary techniques. It was just very well written and as this section alone could be a John Green quote for angsty teens to tattoo on their heels and not ever really wrap their heads around.

Evoking human response is an emotional calculus not fully understood but possibly approximated. A gifted few capture every dot on the curve.


"wax features wax poetic" excellent.

thought your diction was very tonal.



Sorry for the incoherent feed, just trying to describe everything down to the minutia, because I feel like the clear-cut pros/ cons, quotes with a "nice" and a focus on consistency within a verse is only helpful 6/10 times

[dead man]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Split again.

word man. incoherent split is the best split. thank you.

[dead man]

1st

[BWHAHA]

2nd. coo coo mademoiselle.

[dead man]

@Dr Dog actually wrote this

[Split Eight]

Originally Posted by dead man

@Dr Dog actually wrote this

:)

I should feed like this more often

[NYCSPITZ]

Black GOAT topical writer IMO, taking longevity and consistency in addition to the verses themselves it's not close.

[oats]

Originally Posted by dead man

go live today and tell me how it felt.

great opener

[PancakeBrah]

I'm going to start off on a tangent.

when I write, lately, I feel as if I begin by stringing together ambient ideas and concepts, then i realize I'm just typing the words coffee, tawdry, and autumn over and over and over, again, then I pass out dru-

I've read this and the two pieces you have the first page, if only/overkill and fly on the wall, and this was the most accessible and easy to feed. So I'm feeding it! Something I've picked up, and maybe it's obvious to the better people who populate this site, is your regular use of dichotomy or antithesis, often in the same line. Or at least, the regular use of it in this piece. For example

battled disorders by our lonesome but together we mourn

anybody's crush but nobody's whore

hiss hateful words and hope that it burns. who am i kidding?
i just wrote you a verse with a prayer that it helps

And as I was quickly reading this, these lines stood out to me as highlights, intuitively. All of your pieces have a stream of consciousness feel, and a rueful tone. These kind of contradictions help realize this type of mindset, how someone with this type of weight on them really does think, I think. Then

melt into your handprint our identity clash

Synthesizes the trend towards the together, nobody, and prayer that helps.

I noticed the intertextual and intratrextual self references. I remember some feed that Certain gave to one of your pieces where he basically thought of all your pieces as one, continuous thought. Or something to that effect. And the word 'cliffside' was mentioned a few times, and it's mentioned here. And how the second line of the piece (let's melt) is modified and given more context by the line I most recently quoted. It's just an added layer to everything, and shows how intricately everything can be interwoven.

As for, just, visceral reaction, it's up to the usual dead man standard. All pathos (my new buzzword; overarching theme can get fucked), regret. With turns of phrase that, seemingly, come so easily. For instance a line like

i would have made us happy if you asked

is so easy to make corny, trite, eyerollish. But you place it in the right spot, and you word it correctly, and voila, it's a positive.

The only line I didn't like was the metal cases M alliteration, and that's due to the fact that I despise alliteration. No matter the quality.

I'd put this behind 'if only/overkill' and ahead of 'fly on the wall'. IF/O currently has the best piece of writing on the front page with

let me in and let it happen
measure me, a slave to standard. traffic, 24th December
in a row i've let myself become a hopeless romantic
what a tragic turn of fate to see you sitting so silent
after all these streetlights violated your privacy
i want someone to write to me like i wrote to you, privately.
it's not a matter of ego. it's ego in it's entirety.
self-centricity spiral circa 1900 and 90

whereas 'fly on the wall' was good but I thought it had too much alliteration and too many abstract phrases to truly contend with the other two. It had a cool, machine gun, rapid fire quality to it. Angry, even. All three were appreciated. Thanks for the reads!

[dead man]

I think pathos is a fine choice for a buzzword, for what it's worth.

Really hoping to read a cake work soon. Get it together man.