I just want you to love me

neutral · 08-09-2014, 05:17 PM

Failike. I'm not liking how much I might dislike you, distantly. I want to punch and excite you, literally. I want to keep you, distally. You're distilled peculiarity. This still is peculiar and me - I'd slap you with disdain until your panties are distained. Acting cute is lame. Your attributes match that of Ving Rhames - on smoothies and apple juice, loosely, a lapis lazuli acting a prude but it's actually a ruse, see? Contact lenses: you're not really that blue, b. On that premise: my nuts steely like Bruce Lee. Your nuts really amuse me. You're nothing. You're groovy; slut in a jacuzzi pumping the uzi like a thug in a movie. Move me. Move, please, you drool like a floozie.

Don't know what I'm writing. Posture like lightning, I'm often just writing - pop a line break and drop in a hyphen - I'm often just writing to drop in a hymen. No line breaks, no lime and no lemon, would climb up to heaven but the size of my melon makes my wise cerebellum tell my spine to forget it. Forget you. You animal: lesser demon, Hannibal Lecter's semen, cannibal, rectum bleeding and you managed to smell it's leaking. You're an arab-faced twat with a pancake ass and a band aid stamped across your left nipple. Or testicle. Your unmentionables. Such as 'whore', 'menstrual' or poor vegetable that forcibly entered you. Enter: puke. I sicken myself. You're sicker, you held a courgette hostage. Yikes, I think I ought to stop this bland madness. You're a snot witch and haggard. I wiped the hairs from your top lip on a blank canvas. I once worked with a man who thought my span Spanish.

Uhm, my abs are tungsten: I'm handsome, hung and manic, shut up. Let's meet in a room with no panic button and mean to consume every average substance or leave the cocoon when our fabrics touching. Don't panic, button. Stones clinking like bones. Drones living life prone - you're not here. I spot fear in the quiver of your iris. I'm top tier. Spit upon papyrus. I pity what divine is. You're shifting from the silence afraid of what the rhythm of your mind is. Mindless. Shitting on ya highness even if the sire's Set. I'm fire, fret. You're diabetic. I'm dire, bet it. Cigarette your dialect when I'm erected.

Try again, bitch.

sral · 08-10-2014, 12:23 PM

lmao terrible

NYCSPITZ · 08-10-2014, 12:34 PM

rape tendencies continued, still in denial
@REAL LIFE

PancakeBrah · 08-10-2014, 12:37 PM

I liked this, tbh.

Certain · 08-10-2014, 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Agathocles the GOOD

rape tendencies continued, still in denial
@REAL LIFE

neutral is not Natural.

Witty · 08-10-2014, 02:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by El Pancake

I liked this, tbh.

sral · 08-10-2014, 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Certain

neutral is not Natural.

lmao I made the same mistake

sorry, good sir

NYCSPITZ · 08-11-2014, 11:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Certain

neutral is not Natural.

ioh word, just glanced the name real quick thought it was him

but yeah this shit was pretty dope then gawd, sorry for the confusion

Zen · 08-11-2014, 11:53 AM

Poor neutral. I'll leave feed in awhile to make up for these guys hating you for no reason lol

Acting cute is lame. Your attributes match that of Ving Rhames - on smoothies and apple juice, loosely, a lapis lazuli acting a prude but it's actually a ruse, see?

No line breaks, no lime and no lemon, would climb up to heaven but the size of my melon makes my wise cerebellum tell my spine to forget it.

Those two sections I quoted are my favorites from this, especially the second one. Very clever. Some sections were a little more lackluster than those I quoted up above, but the piece never bored me. I wanted to finish it, and when I had I was impressed.

I don't think I've ever read anything from you on here, but I'll check your next work out for sure if you can continue to produce work like this. Well done.

sound · 08-11-2014, 01:37 PM

fine job...

Pinot Grij · 08-11-2014, 09:31 PM

This was all types of awful - if you're gonna do the stream of consciousness style, you gotta incorporate more rhyming - if you're not going to bother having a story or theme, then at least impress me with your technicality. This is sophomoric tripe, try harder next time.

UnbornBuddha · 08-14-2014, 02:05 AM

This was okay. It was lively and it had a decent flow. Albeit, the content was all over the place, and I believe it can be presented in a more eye catching manner. The writing can be compared to a newly sprouting flower. It still hasn't fully gone through all its stages of maturation. It still needs to be nurtured, so it will blossom and live up to its inherent brilliance. Continue nurturing your writing.
Thank you.

Vulgar · 08-17-2014, 09:23 PM

No line breaks, no lime and no lemon, would climb up to heaven but the size of my melon makes my wise cerebellum tell my spine to forget it.
^That was cool sauce.

Alphadog · 08-18-2014, 11:14 AM

Well this wasn't bad lad decent flow I suppose

08-09-2014, 05:17 PM	#1
neutral Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 52 Battle Record: 1-2 Rep Power: 3412705	I just want you to love me Failike. I'm not liking how much I might dislike you, distantly. I want to punch and excite you, literally. I want to keep you, distally. You're distilled peculiarity. This still is peculiar and me - I'd slap you with disdain until your panties are distained. Acting cute is lame. Your attributes match that of Ving Rhames - on smoothies and apple juice, loosely, a lapis lazuli acting a prude but it's actually a ruse, see? Contact lenses: you're not really that blue, b. On that premise: my nuts steely like Bruce Lee. Your nuts really amuse me. You're nothing. You're groovy; slut in a jacuzzi pumping the uzi like a thug in a movie. Move me. Move, please, you drool like a floozie. Don't know what I'm writing. Posture like lightning, I'm often just writing - pop a line break and drop in a hyphen - I'm often just writing to drop in a hymen. No line breaks, no lime and no lemon, would climb up to heaven but the size of my melon makes my wise cerebellum tell my spine to forget it. Forget you. You animal: lesser demon, Hannibal Lecter's semen, cannibal, rectum bleeding and you managed to smell it's leaking. You're an arab-faced twat with a pancake ass and a band aid stamped across your left nipple. Or testicle. Your unmentionables. Such as 'whore', 'menstrual' or poor vegetable that forcibly entered you. Enter: puke. I sicken myself. You're sicker, you held a courgette hostage. Yikes, I think I ought to stop this bland madness. You're a snot witch and haggard. I wiped the hairs from your top lip on a blank canvas. I once worked with a man who thought my span Spanish. Uhm, my abs are tungsten: I'm handsome, hung and manic, shut up. Let's meet in a room with no panic button and mean to consume every average substance or leave the cocoon when our fabrics touching. Don't panic, button. Stones clinking like bones. Drones living life prone - you're not here. I spot fear in the quiver of your iris. I'm top tier. Spit upon papyrus. I pity what divine is. You're shifting from the silence afraid of what the rhythm of your mind is. Mindless. Shitting on ya highness even if the sire's Set. I'm fire, fret. You're diabetic. I'm dire, bet it. Cigarette your dialect when I'm erected. Try again, bitch. Last edited by neutral; 08-09-2014 at 08:21 PM.

08-10-2014, 12:34 PM	#3
NYCSPITZ SYRACUSE Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,033 Battle Record: 31-37 Champed - Write Night II - Alias Topical Tournament Rep Power: 4743544	rape tendencies continued, still in denial @REAL LIFE __________________ UNIFIED THEORY

08-10-2014, 12:37 PM	#4
PancakeBrah SOBER Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 13,052 Battle Record: 2-5 Champed - AOWL Season 2 Rep Power: 85899406	I liked this, tbh. __________________ If I ventured in the slipstream Between the viaducts of your dreams Where immobil steel rims crack And the ditch in the back road stop Could you find me?

08-11-2014, 11:53 AM	#9
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,104 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079719	Poor neutral. I'll leave feed in awhile to make up for these guys hating you for no reason lol Acting cute is lame. Your attributes match that of Ving Rhames - on smoothies and apple juice, loosely, a lapis lazuli acting a prude but it's actually a ruse, see? No line breaks, no lime and no lemon, would climb up to heaven but the size of my melon makes my wise cerebellum tell my spine to forget it. Those two sections I quoted are my favorites from this, especially the second one. Very clever. Some sections were a little more lackluster than those I quoted up above, but the piece never bored me. I wanted to finish it, and when I had I was impressed. I don't think I've ever read anything from you on here, but I'll check your next work out for sure if you can continue to produce work like this. Well done. Last edited by Zen; 08-13-2014 at 07:41 PM.

08-11-2014, 09:31 PM	#11
Pinot Grij Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 863 Battle Record: 23-19 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night 2 - Write Week V - Netcees Battle League (2x) - Winter Topical II - 1-2 Punch league Rep Power: 29195060	This was all types of awful - if you're gonna do the stream of consciousness style, you gotta incorporate more rhyming - if you're not going to bother having a story or theme, then at least impress me with your technicality. This is sophomoric tripe, try harder next time. __________________ Topical C.R.E.A.M.

08-10-2014, 12:23 PM	#2
sral Shrewd as evearthed Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: Wolverhampton, England Posts: 8,255 Battle Record: 28-3 Champed - Gimmick Battle League - The Winter Topical - Topical Martyrs - Lime Green Poetry Association - Lyric Olympics - Art of Writing League - Guerrilla Writing League (2x) - Black August II Rep Power: 85899391	lmao terrible

08-11-2014, 01:37 PM	#10
sound swanging... Join Date: Jun 2014 Posts: 29 Battle Record: 2-2 Rep Power: 0	fine job...

08-14-2014, 02:05 AM	#12
UnbornBuddha Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 1,008 Battle Record: 23-10 Champed - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 5 Rep Power: 23856375	This was okay. It was lively and it had a decent flow. Albeit, the content was all over the place, and I believe it can be presented in a more eye catching manner. The writing can be compared to a newly sprouting flower. It still hasn't fully gone through all its stages of maturation. It still needs to be nurtured, so it will blossom and live up to its inherent brilliance. Continue nurturing your writing. Thank you.

08-17-2014, 09:23 PM	#13
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604317	No line breaks, no lime and no lemon, would climb up to heaven but the size of my melon makes my wise cerebellum tell my spine to forget it. ^That was cool sauce.

08-18-2014, 11:14 AM	#14
Alphadog Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 35 Rep Power: 0	Well this wasn't bad lad decent flow I suppose