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Old 11-10-2013, 11:09 AM   #1
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Default [GENO WINS] Special Attraction Topical Battle featuring " The Self Proclaimed G.O.A.T " Aero vs " Xtermination Xtraordinaire " Genocide aka Harry Holocaust - OPEN FOR VOTES

Rules

Verse Due Date - Monday Nov. 18th, 2013 by midnight eastern standard time.

Voting - their will be an odd number, for tie breaker reasons, of neutral yet respected Topical writers voting on this battle

Line Limit - 64 is your Max, use them wisely.

BA voting rules apply so you must vote on a few battles and drop links.

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Last edited by Frank Metts; 11-10-2013 at 04:26 PM.
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Old 11-10-2013, 11:14 AM   #2
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Mini Mag/Slash backstory


Geno is in a collective called ATR, they made a big deal about allowing Aero in and then gave him the Boot without notice. Like any successful business man Aero took offense to being decrewed on a message board and basically fired back with his style of humor. One by one Aero called out each member to a battle and Geno accepted with open arms and now we have this battle. Geno is taking this seriously as he has signed out of his league to focus in writing, Aero is taking the cocky approach but you can't out black someone with the skin tone of loose leaf paper.

This mini mag has been brought to you by the gap in Bags teeth.

All proceeds for this thread were paid for out of Aeros trust fund.

Special shout out to Genocides beard for allowing him to accept the battle.

Last edited by Frank Metts; 11-10-2013 at 11:18 AM.
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Old 11-10-2013, 11:18 AM   #3
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I'm here. Not sure what a vote limit should be.
How many lines you wanna get served with @Aero?
I'm good with whatever

Thinking a due date of anywhere between tonight and next Sunday.
Sup.
Check in and include your thoughts on rules and regs.

http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=26216
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=8141
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Last edited by Genocide; 11-10-2013 at 11:32 AM.
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Old 11-10-2013, 01:07 PM   #4
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Dope. Good looks on mini mag and set up. Gen I'm fine with whatever.

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Old 11-10-2013, 01:33 PM   #5
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Ok then. Due date is next Monday, line limit -64 lines
Panel will consist of topical specialiists. @Frank Metts to edit in rules.
GL, g.o.a.t
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Old 11-16-2013, 01:15 PM   #6
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A Twist Of Fate.

Synthetic geography, hollow trees, plastic leaves and mechanical sights
Everything from the plants to the vines, show signs of false botanical life
The animals oil tight, the soils like turf on childrens playgrounds at school
A man made fountain of youth, where tigers from the mountains recoup
Mouths leaking drool, cause they lack stomache caverns for that and their food
There's no pattern they use, but the timings wired to their anatomies moves
Systematically smooth, the clockworks engineered by some genius he payed
Nothing seems to be fake, at a glance -the entire scenary's great, scenic with shade
Computer system controls the whole set of seasons, the snow, weather, even the rain
Concieved from a maze, need a gps, or you'll get lost for a week and some days
Crazed, the hunter finally pays his architects for the awesome debt he's acquired
The mechanics are especially tired, rushing to build this mans deadly enviornment
He specializes in weaponry, firing, silencing guns, taking measures -requirements
To be as quite as possible during sessions of violence, his investments were wisest
Has an excellent eye for bringing death in disguise, he hunts human flesh, its his high
His discusting design, typical game isn't the same, that's why nothings alive

He's killed everything as a hunter for sport, a bigger challenge what he's hungriest for
Sick of taxidermy prices and its ugly decor, kicking the bear head that's stuck to his floor
His grudge has been born, he's passionate for this hobby, and his love has matured
A new stage suddenly formed, he's torn down the deer, racks, and the clusters of horns
Swore he'd find a better way, to spend his time, to meditate, so he finds a deadly prey
He decides people are smart, gonna find someone to kidnap, then bring to his yard
Drop him off in his forest to live, no supplies, only him, and he's poorly equipped
But fortune is his, the hunter left directions and rules, what he expects him to do
A message with clues, it says you'll find weapons scattered, then eventually food
Defend yourself, and its effective as soon, as you can get dressed and then move
this man is no menace, but check it, he's retired from the central inteligence group
His years of training become relevant to him, he's gone to war with felons and terrorists
Must survive for his fellow americans, he's already been through hell and did heroin
Couldn't make it apparent when drug dealers were targets, fearless, his hearts big
It kicks into gear, even though its been years since he's armed it, his arms ripped
Thinking to himself, "I hope god'll forgive this idiot" before this shit gets started

Agent looks around, puts his foot to ground, notices the sound of what surrounds him
Astounded, realizing everything is counterfeit, found a box of rations and bashed it
Limited assets inside, crackers, an apple, then realized he's passed to much time
Where's the weapons at, that the message said he could use to protect his ass
And better than that, where's the true predator at, figuring that he'd face several attacks
Wants to get his leverage intact, at the same time the hunter would aim high
Letting one shot off to see what his game tries, agent braced, no fear in his blank eyes
He identifies the attackers position, his basic training came back as he listened
The riccochet, and the longitude -lattitude wisdom, produced a mathematical prism
A vision of where the pilot was lying, looked in that direction and saw two robotical lions
Somethings not multiplying, or adding up to what the fuck should really have happened
Out of a million reactions, none of which is how the wilderness acted, really distracted
Losing any feel of compassion, crashed into survival mode, effect is like dominoes
Took impressive flight, running like the engine type to find a hole, he hides alone
Behind a stone, that's much bigger than the giants grow, until he decides to go
Thinking of a brilliantly designed approach, not the time to choke, his mind is focussed

Crouched down scanning his radius, the agent finds a bamboo handle, engages it
Understanding that this game is dangerous, afraid if he doesn't act fast he could take a hit
Just found a rock with abrasiveness, needs to make a tip for the end of his staff
Render it fast, so he can find the hunter and threaten him back, ending the path
Extensively stabbing, then he sees fatigues from his perifferal view, the distance is true
This is his Q, to turn the tables with a finishing move, he's slowly giving pursuit
Limited to the joust he has made, he's not about to be slain, the agent is brave
Trained to be tame, he refrains, waiting for his brain to create the safest escape
Takes his chances and chased the hunter steadily, slow, isn't safe for his head to explode
He's got one good shot for a definite blow, to reap death to his foe, incredibly cold
He tip toes, throws the stone tipped pole like a machette in stride, his enemy dies
What a deadly chain of events, a twist of fate in the end, the way the hunter was hunted
Punisher punished, never knew the sum of whats coming, the agents feeling was funny
But the shoe was on the other foot, when the bananna started peeling the monkey
Overcoming this deal so abruptly, he sat back and watched the habitat as he adjusts
Thinking to himself, "I hope the lord'll forgive me for what I have done"

Fuck Wit Me.
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Old 11-19-2013, 01:51 AM   #7
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All Keystyle, All Keystyle

What Goes Around Comes Around

Crept on a blonde at the ATM, took a glock & clocked the chick
She lost her balance, then lost her balance… I robbed the bitch
Looked at her as she lay helpless, blood covered her white face
It’s the time, place for tonight’s rape was my fucking mind state
Quickly surveyed the area, heard noises & almost panicked but
It was pitch black I was wearing all black, plus I’m black as fuck
Decided to carry her to my car… the irony showed I’m a loner
taking her limp body to my vehicle all the while growing a boner
Threw her in the front seat, peeled off thinking it’s the right idea
I’m driving with her purse, a gun in my hand feeling like Madea
Had to make sure the ride was quiet so I took the scenic route
She felt bumps on the road only because I pulled my penis out
She’s unconscious, hand on my diseased dick, this is the life
Riding through the night with a Caucasian like this is my wife
My joy comes full circle as the moon reflects the light of the sun
The moon shimmers off her pale skin & I glow bright as the sun
Or the glow from her phone as it rings loudly, what a mistake!!
FAAAAAACK we’re 5 minutes from home and this bitch is awake
She screams “HELLLLLP!!” starts flailing we get in a physical fight
I punch her with my free hand & explain “This isn’t your night..”
She grabs the wheel we start to swerve while car is on coast
She’s yanking aggressively this bitch is trying to kill us both
I choked her and she stopped immediately & burst into tears
I said I’m the person to fear and it just gets worsened from here
Said you’re my wife for a day, you’re going to take pipe in the A
We arrive at my place, kitchen counter with a knife to her face
She kneed me in the balls, I’m thinking what whore hasn’t?
I love ball torture this bitch unknowingly leads me to an orgasm
I fall to the floor spazzin’, like I’m having bouts with demons
Withering on the tile ejaculating copious amounts of semen
She ran out the house, escaped in my car with the nice rims
Now I’m in jail with a 6’8 275 pound murderer who likes men
I’m a pint sized pretty boy so there’s no use in refusing entry
You see my power was my dick now it’s being used against me
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Old 11-19-2013, 06:39 PM   #8
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Default @sharp nine. since Aero doesnt wanna vote on two battles so our match can be open for votes.. then here..

I have voted on two more battles, making my vote count four.. which means I have two votes to put up for aero as well as myself.

And he also said something about being in vegas all week, so whatever. Here's two more votes

http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=31000
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=27505

Let's open our match up for VOTING @Sharp Nine @Pent uP for forming a voting panel of 7 @Frank Metts for varification since he's hosting

@everyone else for pure entertainment.
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Old 11-20-2013, 08:45 PM   #9
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So far confirmed voters are split eight
Vulgar
Pancakebrah
Pie
And certain but he wants to be the last vote
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Old 11-22-2013, 02:55 AM   #10
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genocide.. the details of this gives great character description and plot setup with nice fire and narration that's radio easy to follow. the agent, hunter sequences painted the story with nice imagery, but I thought you should of named the main character to personalize it more... would of made me connect with the storyline more. the end was a nice meta that I thought showed some wit and intellect. the narration was better in the beginning, but the story was so well developed that it didn't bother me much. nice job man

Aero... this was ridiculous... I see you're going for the sexual deviant tour in this story, but it's not done well and that's an easy character to develop even with a keyed verse. some basic flow didn't help much either.... the action of the victim waking up was a moment to elevate the verse, but you didn't do too much with that either. the ending was thrown in there just to fit the topic seemingly.. there's a lot of areas to improve on this... just seemed effortless



vote genocide
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Old 11-25-2013, 02:38 AM   #11
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Genocide: This verse was one of the most polished I've read from you. But I think that polish and this terrible topic sapped it of emotion. You also dragged your feet quite a bit with a slow-moving plot. You went 64 lines, but with the length of each it was more like 80. And the plot was only good and complex enough for maybe 36. That's the problem: When you write something this long, you better justify that length and reader time. This never did. The characters were deepened in the surface sense, but emotions never were developed. Your exposition level was absurd, as though you were writing for seventh graders. There's no need to explain what every single thing means. I can pick up context clues, as can any other voters, particularly when you ask for a special voting panel of veterans. The connection to the topic was good. Conceptually, this verse worked. But I feel like you strained yourself too much in the execution and made it seem like Genocide wasn't writing this as a result. Also, you're an incredibly bad speller, but I didn't hold that against you.

Aero: Your application of the topic was really, really weak. But your storytelling wasn't bad. I actually laughed at "She felt bumps on the road only because I pulled my penis out." It took me two reads to catch your flow because you didn't weave couplets together very well. In general, you wrote the way a lot of battles who don't regularly compete in topical matches try to transition. There was a stiffness but also a sense of humor and an engaging voice. Unfortunately, the story was not original, and the ending was particularly stupid. The entire plot of this story was contrived and significantly less original or tied to the topic than Genocide's, but I think you told your story more naturally and made it a close battle.

Vote: Genocide

But let me be clear: There was nothing interesting about this battle. The topic was terrible. The thread title was terrible. The hype was obnoxious. The writing was mediocre. That you have the pretension to demand a voter list is absurd. Genocide's length was unwarranted. Aero's claim that he keystyled was obnoxious even if it's true. That this ever was stickied is absurd. Nothing is on the line here. There were at least 50 battles this season in the Art of Writing League that were better in caliber and more important even in our own particularly trivial slice of the Internet. And this message board is worse off because of this battle and supposed beef, both of which have been wildly uninteresting. I am voting in part because if votes aren't cast, this battle will continue on forever. So act like the veterans you are. And write like the talented writers you are. Thank you.
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Old 11-25-2013, 05:40 AM   #12
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Genocide: First paragraph was fueled with interesting sentences and you prove yourself well enough when it comes to the rhymescheme although I have seen more complex shit from you before. Still above average though, just comparing it to some of the other stuff I've seen from you. Flow-wise this shit is easilly read as well with smooth transitions throughout. Beside of the rhyme structure this was on point and made a rather humerous yet serious image bring some interesting thoughts to the table. Definitely enjoy what I'm seeing and I'm looking forward to what more you got in store for us.

The start of the second paragraph shows great promise. Don't really like the sudden change on L5 although I see how ''suddenly formed''/clusters of horns'' & ''better way''/''deadly prey'' works well together, but it still kinda disrupts the reading for me as OCD-like patterns kick in and it ends up with odd-sentence rhymes. Might be me reading it wrong, but it still disrupted it a bit for me. On a different note I enjoyed the ''hunter for sport/hungriest for/ugly decore/stuck to his floor/ shit you got going at the start. Great way to start a verse, and I enjoyed it slightly more than what you presented in the first verse, also felt it was slightly better when it comes to the structure. The sentences are also arguable long but they definitely serves its purpose and it doesn't seem redundant how you keep it going even with the length you're using as the content is strong. Would also have enjoyed somewhat of an transition to L12 (''His years of training''-line). The slant rhymes works but I'd enjoy it more if you kept up with the smooth transitions, extreme nitpicking I know, I'm just saying. Might be me reading it wrong as well, feel free to correct me in a PM or here when the battle is over. The last two lines got the transition I was hoping for and the closure to second paragraph was dope. I can tell you spent a lot of time on this so it was weird to see that the switch up with the transitions stopped as you can still experiment with the flow to not make it redundant which I think you were aiming for without disrupting that pattern. At your calibre I got to focus on something you can work with cuz ''shit's dope'' just doesn't do it anymore. Specially not in a battle like this.

Paragraph three is dope content-wise, but I can't see any slant rhymes or how ''bashed it'' suddenly works anything else beside of the word ''counterfeit'' which just doesn't do it for me. Kinda dissapointed as opposed to what you've presented earlier cuz this shit could have been a flawless verse as a whole in terms of those things and I know you're more than good enough to pull it off. Which is the only reason I'm pointing it out as well. Don't know what it is but even though there's an odd number on it still felt natural while reading that ''several attacks'' it didn't rhyme with anything at the end although ''leverage intact'' was a great transition. To be honest, I think ''leverage intact'' was what saved it, but ye, you already know what I think about odd numbers but you somehow pulled it off here and I might be the only one that takes notice of it. Either way you're back with the rhyme structure, internals and smooth transition which was refreshing as I was afraid you'd fall off with your last two verses. Seems like you're able to keep it up afterall. Could have had a smoother transition to L14, but it works well enough with the internal ish you got going. I guess you're doing this to switch it up and tbh Idk what I think about it, but I notice it. Enjoyed the ''giants grow'' similie. ''Focused'' to end it off with stuck out as a sore thumb, but overall it was a dope verse but perhaps the weakest in your verse.

The first lines in the last paragraph was what I was looking for a couple of places in the third stanza. Definitely feeling it. After reading the whole paragraph this might have been your strongest in terms of the technical aspects and it wrapped up your story (no pun intended) really well.

Overall this was some 9.0/10 kinda shit and I'm looking forward to see what Aero got for us. One of the doper ''hunter hunts the hunter''-stories I've ever read and the presentation was extremely well done, the thing shines imo.

Aero: I don't care if it's a keystyle or not, you accepted a battle so don't come with excuses to why it might come off as wack. That said I'm still looking forward to see what you've written as I know you got it in you to still pull off some really dope shit. You are a top calibre writer afterall.

The first two sentences introduces me to your ideas but I don't know if I'm feeling the opening lines to be honest. Glock shit, ATM and robbing bitches to the picture at hand? Hmm.. Let's see where you're going with this.

So, it's a rape-story, huh? Allright.. I guess... Kind of dissapointed to be honest. You're a lot better than this. And rhyming sun with sun? I'm not feeling it. The story is embarrassing to read as well even though you probably tried to make it funny or something. ''I'm the person to fear''?, no shit, she's already fearing the hell out of him and would rather die than knowing what waits her if she doesn't do something that could potentially kill them both.

Also; How did he manage to get the chick from his car to the kitchen? A lot of loopholes in the story which isn't a great look, even for a keystyle. Dissapointed to be honest and people don't orgasm from a kick to the balls even though there most probably is some weird fucks out there that's into that kinda shit. Allright, she gets out the house at least, but how did she escape with his car? Did she take the keys or something? More info is needed to how she got out and managed to escape with his car.

I tried to read this shit from a neutral standpoint but it's missing a lot of shit, it's fueled with fillers as opposed to what Genocide posted and you can do a million times better than this. The only thing you got going was somewhat of a story that couldn't be tied to the picture at hand and somewhat of a flow.

At least you showed though. I'll give you that. But still; Would have been nice to see you actually trying..

Vote: Is it really necessary? Gah.. Genocide.

Side note: After reading the feed of some of the other guys I agree that some more personalization of the main character to Genocide's shit would have improved his verse A WHOLE LOT. Keep it up.
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Old 01-07-2014, 07:45 AM   #13
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Can we either get some votes in here, or just close this out with a 3_0 W ?
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Old 01-07-2014, 09:46 AM   #14
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Close this and give him the W. I'd hate to vote on this snorfest.
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Old 08-17-2019, 11:01 PM   #15
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Looking back on this I murdered @Genocide with his long dry drawn out verse. This is what a topical should look like.
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Old 08-18-2019, 12:01 AM   #16
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Damn Aero got robbed here
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Dominate Blue has sealed his status as GOAT in my eyes. Like how tf do you write that much and keep that level of quality at the same time? There was barely a miss in that 100 line verse, and plenty of haymakers. Just insane. And he’s been this good for over a decade across multiple sites and styles. No one else is touching that
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Old 08-19-2019, 11:16 PM   #17
Genocide
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Aero can never see me in a topical. Straight bar for bar battle.is obv another story. Also, I have to admit, That shit i wrote was horrible.
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