Round One: 5. Rakontur vs. 12. Timeless - TIMELESS WINS

Adonis · 11-14-2015, 10:25 AM

AOWL Season V, Round One

SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due
WEDNESDAY at 9 P.M. Pacific/West Coast or WEDNESDAY 11:59 PM Eastern / 6:00 AM THURSDAY Central European/London
There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Friday at 4:00 p.m. Western / or Friday 7:00 PM Eastern / 1:00 AM Saturday Central European/London Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.

All competitors must vote on THREE battles

Read the full rules here!

Topic: TBD

G/Luck @timeless topic posted
@

timeless · 11-14-2015, 04:21 PM

Here

Woke · 11-15-2015, 01:45 PM

RIP dilla

timeless · 11-18-2015, 07:30 PM

Cold air poked at my core as I noticed she had opened the door.
An ocean floor's worth of hurt she had woven before.
A token allure, fresh scents for words spoke and ignored.
Most would report the essential signs of a broken rapport.
Fidelity at first glance, an unusual repeat of behavior.
Without a giver, there's no need to believe in a taker.
All we need is a savior to weave us through these crossroads.
Self-inflicted demons have seemed to steer us to false hopes.
Let's second guess this fearful pause mode we have on time.
Strangled by each minute, an hour is a jawbone cracked in nine.
Ten strongholds of passionate crime listed as commandments.
And I'll be damned if I lash out at my mistress's past enchantment.
Call me romantic, but I see the irony in triumphs of love.
Partly pedantic, but I need the privacy and why? Its because :
Trust is a fault line, a quake away from long, seismographic nightmares.
Shake your whole frame in two like a psycho had a knife dared.
That lunatic was her doctor, the problem solver of life's monsters.
Quite proper, his mechanics cured her disease with might and honor.
Alzheimer's carted away with each of our aggressive natures.
Left behind a trail of open ended beliefs with no stress on paper.
Ten years I've been wheeling and dealing with her horrid perceptions.
Didn't think I'd ever make it, the surgeon let me borrow progression.
Tomorrow's known blessing is knowing we have a new life to lead.
First day home, walking hand in hand down the avenue rightfully.
She wasn't saying much, wasn't even remotely affectionate.
Hopefully this new road isn't the same. Seems morosely indefinite.

Woke · 11-18-2015, 09:02 PM

Listen, I'm tired of beating round the bush
Speaking half truths as we're eating up it's soot
The lies I weaved have entangled you so look,
I'll be honest if you promise to not yell and stay put

Have you ever had a secret burn a hole in your soul
Singeing inch by inch until what remains is it's core
And deep down the pain flourishes free
Multiplies and divides, it's nourishment? Me.
I was born different, how you couldn't tell is odd
To start off, I walk with lavish pep with each trot
Yet jog as loose limbs flail round free
Murderous looks made to catch tail with ease
Handsome. Debonaire. Suave and so clean
Hairless. Not a single Grey dulling my sheen
I mean, I convinced you to buy the best product
I scream as the spider gets crushed by my goddess
Let's be honest, I'm only peeling open eyes
I love you but rarely deep inside your thighs
I've been hiding since birth, covered in disguise
Masking reality while shouldering my pride
Carrying the weight of this secret crushing me inside
I love you Missy, but I'm simply amiss with my life
Deep down our hearts have been intertwined
But my love in this closet is something I need to define
I wrongfully hid the truth, I know
I apologize, for I was born this way
And tried to mask my roots and soul
Instead of showing you my sleeve with my heart exposed

Beneath this Mask

Razah · 11-20-2015, 04:40 PM

Cool shit guys. Haven't read a battle in a while.

Timeless: The verse read really smoothly to me. The beginning first lines flowed perfectly for me. Great way to start a verse. I was confused the first time I read the verse, but after reading it a second time, at a slower pace, I was able to connect the dots. Dots worth connecting, if you ask me.

Rak: Okay so, the short lines made the read pretty quick, but it just didn't flow as well to me. Also, I wasn't really intrigued by what you wrote. I feel like you had a better verse as far as relating to the topic, but it wasn't the better verse. It was a good verse, I just enjoyed Timeless more this time around.

vtimeless

e11even · 11-21-2015, 12:50 AM

timeless- I haven't really read you since our last season together, but damn your language has progressed sharply.I believe this was a story of an accidental lobotomy, due to the context of the ending, but bI could obviously be wrong. Youlanguage and decent pacing were the strengths here, as your story wasn't particularly exciting as much as engaging. Good job overall though.

rakontour- i read this twice and couldn't decipher the tidbits. I assumed a few things. THis could be an alternate dialog from V for Vendetta, a lesbian crush(hiding behind a mask, and other metaphors), or just a lovestruck scared guy. I'm not sure, but at any rarte, this was good writing. The rhyming had potential to be complex, but didn't seem like a true focus of this piece, which is fine, since it flowed well regardless. Overall, cool piece. Just not sure where this leaves me at the end.

Both these guys know what they're doing and they both wrote very comfortably,displaying that either this is their wheelhouse, or they're just that badass. For me, my overall impression came down to final feel, and accessibility as far as making the content vivid, but still serving the purpose of their piece. I think I felt one over the other here. MVGT timeless

asylum · 11-21-2015, 01:11 AM

Sorry for short vote but timeless took this for me because of its consistency and quality. Rak had some very bright moments especially near the middle, started flowing real sick with great rhymes. But timeless really hit it this week, would have been a hard verse to beat for anyone.

MMLP · 11-21-2015, 09:28 AM

Time – this was good overall,

I know its nit picking but there were a few rhymes that didnt syllable match but apart from that theres a lot to be admired about this from a technical standpoint. The concept felt a bit dry or maybe in the beginning you built a really intriguing premises to go on and I expected a little more BUT the wording throughout and painting a picture was executed very smoothly. Enjoyable read.

Rak – a slight dip in the standard you've set imo, the imagery, choice of words, fluency/ structure is all there but its hard to interpret the topic, it makes the piece more challenging to grasp and not in a fun/good way. Any sort of ambiguity has to be deliberate n obvious to the reader.

Clash of styles pen game wise but what importantly separates the reads is the entertainment factor. So im voting Timeless on that.

11-14-2015, 10:25 AM	#1
Adonis Tsk Tsk Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Beer Goggles Posts: 4,834 Battle Record: 36-34 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - NFL Pick'em 2016-17 Rep Power: 9946446	Round One: 5. Rakontur vs. 12. Timeless - TIMELESS WINS AOWL Season V, Round One SUMMARY OF RULES: Verses are due WEDNESDAY at 9 P.M. Pacific/West Coast or WEDNESDAY 11:59 PM Eastern / 6:00 AM THURSDAY Central European/London There are NO extensions. Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words). Votes are due Friday at 4:00 p.m. Western / or Friday 7:00 PM Eastern / 1:00 AM Saturday Central European/London Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week. All competitors must vote on THREE battles Read the full rules here! Topic: TBD G/Luck @timeless topic posted @ __________________ I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is TUPAC SHAKUR Last edited by Adonis; 11-18-2015 at 10:23 PM.

11-18-2015, 09:02 PM	#5
Woke Senior Member Join Date: May 2015 Posts: 183 Battle Record: 6-4 Rep Power: 553415	Listen, I'm tired of beating round the bush Speaking half truths as we're eating up it's soot The lies I weaved have entangled you so look, I'll be honest if you promise to not yell and stay put Have you ever had a secret burn a hole in your soul Singeing inch by inch until what remains is it's core And deep down the pain flourishes free Multiplies and divides, it's nourishment? Me. I was born different, how you couldn't tell is odd To start off, I walk with lavish pep with each trot Yet jog as loose limbs flail round free Murderous looks made to catch tail with ease Handsome. Debonaire. Suave and so clean Hairless. Not a single Grey dulling my sheen I mean, I convinced you to buy the best product I scream as the spider gets crushed by my goddess Let's be honest, I'm only peeling open eyes I love you but rarely deep inside your thighs I've been hiding since birth, covered in disguise Masking reality while shouldering my pride Carrying the weight of this secret crushing me inside I love you Missy, but I'm simply amiss with my life Deep down our hearts have been intertwined But my love in this closet is something I need to define I wrongfully hid the truth, I know I apologize, for I was born this way And tried to mask my roots and soul Instead of showing you my sleeve with my heart exposed Beneath this Mask Last edited by Adonis; 11-19-2015 at 09:00 AM.

11-21-2015, 12:50 AM	#7
e11even V.V Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: . Posts: 2,076 Battle Record: 31-20 Rep Power: 6247256	timeless- I haven't really read you since our last season together, but damn your language has progressed sharply.I believe this was a story of an accidental lobotomy, due to the context of the ending, but bI could obviously be wrong. Youlanguage and decent pacing were the strengths here, as your story wasn't particularly exciting as much as engaging. Good job overall though. rakontour- i read this twice and couldn't decipher the tidbits. I assumed a few things. THis could be an alternate dialog from V for Vendetta, a lesbian crush(hiding behind a mask, and other metaphors), or just a lovestruck scared guy. I'm not sure, but at any rarte, this was good writing. The rhyming had potential to be complex, but didn't seem like a true focus of this piece, which is fine, since it flowed well regardless. Overall, cool piece. Just not sure where this leaves me at the end. Both these guys know what they're doing and they both wrote very comfortably,displaying that either this is their wheelhouse, or they're just that badass. For me, my overall impression came down to final feel, and accessibility as far as making the content vivid, but still serving the purpose of their piece. I think I felt one over the other here. MVGT timeless __________________ Ahem.

11-14-2015, 04:21 PM	#2
timeless past tense Join Date: Nov 2013 Location: NJ Posts: 1,627 Battle Record: 22-39 Rep Power: 4341325	Here

11-15-2015, 01:45 PM	#3
Woke Senior Member Join Date: May 2015 Posts: 183 Battle Record: 6-4 Rep Power: 553415	RIP dilla

11-18-2015, 07:30 PM	#4
timeless past tense Join Date: Nov 2013 Location: NJ Posts: 1,627 Battle Record: 22-39 Rep Power: 4341325	Cold air poked at my core as I noticed she had opened the door. An ocean floor's worth of hurt she had woven before. A token allure, fresh scents for words spoke and ignored. Most would report the essential signs of a broken rapport. Fidelity at first glance, an unusual repeat of behavior. Without a giver, there's no need to believe in a taker. All we need is a savior to weave us through these crossroads. Self-inflicted demons have seemed to steer us to false hopes. Let's second guess this fearful pause mode we have on time. Strangled by each minute, an hour is a jawbone cracked in nine. Ten strongholds of passionate crime listed as commandments. And I'll be damned if I lash out at my mistress's past enchantment. Call me romantic, but I see the irony in triumphs of love. Partly pedantic, but I need the privacy and why? Its because : Trust is a fault line, a quake away from long, seismographic nightmares. Shake your whole frame in two like a psycho had a knife dared. That lunatic was her doctor, the problem solver of life's monsters. Quite proper, his mechanics cured her disease with might and honor. Alzheimer's carted away with each of our aggressive natures. Left behind a trail of open ended beliefs with no stress on paper. Ten years I've been wheeling and dealing with her horrid perceptions. Didn't think I'd ever make it, the surgeon let me borrow progression. Tomorrow's known blessing is knowing we have a new life to lead. First day home, walking hand in hand down the avenue rightfully. She wasn't saying much, wasn't even remotely affectionate. Hopefully this new road isn't the same. Seems morosely indefinite.

11-20-2015, 04:40 PM	#6
Razah rockkFresh Join Date: Apr 2015 Location: Chicago. Posts: 1,088 Battle Record: 8-10 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 11328542	Cool shit guys. Haven't read a battle in a while. Timeless: The verse read really smoothly to me. The beginning first lines flowed perfectly for me. Great way to start a verse. I was confused the first time I read the verse, but after reading it a second time, at a slower pace, I was able to connect the dots. Dots worth connecting, if you ask me. Rak: Okay so, the short lines made the read pretty quick, but it just didn't flow as well to me. Also, I wasn't really intrigued by what you wrote. I feel like you had a better verse as far as relating to the topic, but it wasn't the better verse. It was a good verse, I just enjoyed Timeless more this time around. vtimeless

11-21-2015, 01:11 AM	#8
asylum Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 993 Battle Record: 7-5 Rep Power: 8214208	Sorry for short vote but timeless took this for me because of its consistency and quality. Rak had some very bright moments especially near the middle, started flowing real sick with great rhymes. But timeless really hit it this week, would have been a hard verse to beat for anyone.

11-21-2015, 09:28 AM	#9
MMLP Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 600 Battle Record: 15-16 Champed - Write Week 9 Rep Power: 9768087	Time – this was good overall, I know its nit picking but there were a few rhymes that didnt syllable match but apart from that theres a lot to be admired about this from a technical standpoint. The concept felt a bit dry or maybe in the beginning you built a really intriguing premises to go on and I expected a little more BUT the wording throughout and painting a picture was executed very smoothly. Enjoyable read. Rak – a slight dip in the standard you've set imo, the imagery, choice of words, fluency/ structure is all there but its hard to interpret the topic, it makes the piece more challenging to grasp and not in a fun/good way. Any sort of ambiguity has to be deliberate n obvious to the reader. Clash of styles pen game wise but what importantly separates the reads is the entertainment factor. So im voting Timeless on that.