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09-21-2020, 09:15 PM | #1 | ||
HE / HIM / FRAC
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: PA
Posts: 11,592
Battle Record: 56-21
Accomplishments - 50+ Wins
Champed - The Ultimate Writer
- NBL Cypher
- 1-2 Punch League
Rep Power: 12601535 |
FINALS Mag
[Intro: Genesis]
26 total battlers over 8 regular and 3 playoff weeks. A formula that sounds dangerously close to providing repetition and boredom, but it spawned some of the most memorable, funny, and all-around dope battles and lines that this site has seen in awhile. This season could not have existed and thrived without all 26 of you, so thank you all, and congrats on building one of the best pieces of this site’s archives. [Reviews] Playoff Round 1: 1. Zuch vs 8. Wanderer Fresh off a narrow win in the play-in, Wanderer looked all but eliminated at the start of week eight and he clearly walked in with something to prove. I’d say he proved it here by keeping things reasonably close. Despite being British, he really doesn’t seem to have that stereotypical, Don’t Flop-y jokey style that honestly could help in pic battles, but he managed to stay true to his style with his twins/chest out bar. Even got a shoutout from Zuch with his opener. Zuch more or less tried to roast him and seemed to only take it by being funnier. Wanderer may just beat Zuch in a reg battle, but with your pic and your opponent’s pic right there, having the funnier verse goes the long way. This is a league where even the people who are actually about that life, like Hush, are posting pics of themself playing cornhole. Zuch was downright funny while clowning Wanderer’s features and takes a justifiable dub by decision. Playoff Round 2: 1. Zuch vs 4. UserName I’ve been saying it a lot this season, but the reason Zuch and User have had their level of success is their ability to focus on obvious targets from angles you’d never expect. A season of being the punching bag for nose and fat lines really came to a head here in the best way possible. This really came down to taste and closed 6-4 with good cause. User’s verse really made good use of his own weight with the weight and bridge lines, which is one of the best ways to keep things fresh I can imagine - of course it’s relevant when it’s referencing the battle thread. Zuch kept things meta with his just above .500 bar. If you pay attention to my reviews, you know I’m a sucker for pic references playing into personal angles and this bar leaned me. Zuch manages to get just enough votes with either a voter’s favorite line or having juuuust one more quote. Playoff Round 2: 2. evaD vs 6. Destroyer This one was somewhat disappointing considering the body of work both Dave and Des had presented this season, especially with Destroyer’s verse against Resin the week before. Neither verse was particularly bad, either, but they both really lacked a haymaker. Dave took it comfortably for me, with his opener and Runs in the Family bars being the strongest, but Des manages to avoid a KO for good reason. It was close, but it seemed like Des had jokes about the scenery and objects that didn’t connect the same way Dave’s lines about Des did. Dave manages a convincing win, but he’ll need more than that this week. [Playoff Roundtable Finale] Dave Top iLL First off all, congrats on finishing out the season. How do you think you did? Pretty good I think. One loss v Zuch but I don’t think I did great in that battle Fantastic. What do you think was your best showing of the season? Maybe vs bomb bard in reg season When I buried Asverse How do you feel the season went as a whole (or at least the part you were active for)? I found it real fun to be involved in. Moderating was on point and there was a solid group who showed up and funny pics to roast You’re a beast of a mod. League was smooth. Who’s verses did you like to read? Did anyone surprise you? Is there anyone you wish participated more (or at all)? Zuch/User always comedy would’ve been cool if Blue stayed in longer his verse against bomb bars was hilarious Zuch, considering that’s who I am Is there anyone you wish you could’ve battled? Any matchups you wish could have happened? User / Blue & Resin I need revenge on User for a round 2. Anyone stand out to you in a negative way? Talk your shit if you want. Cus d’amato @Blue is a faggot and he’s gonna catch these hands. Who do you think has the best chance to win the playoff tournament? Me We are all winners The topical tournament is starting up but nothing is coming on the battle front. What, if anything, would you like to see next in Netcees battle scene? Alias tag or something. Idk anything pic themed is more entertaining to me Tag tourney [Playoff Top Punches] UserName Vs Zuch But Zuch’s crafty, this pandemic won’t stop him y’all His Covid test is the dipstick from a Honda and a bag of cotton balls And while that nose is HUGE... We’ve all clowned it previously One walk across a bridge that size, and I’d drop 50 pounds immediately Vs FGR So you’re the fatty of the bunch, eating every burrito you pass Looking like they re-made The Town, and paid the cast in Cheeto’s and Pabst evaD Vs Destroyer Zoom in and have a look - you can see the naps he hasn’t took Cuz that’s the worst case of pupils in bags seen since Sandy Hook Vs Bomb Bard Ugly boy with expensive toys, just a desperation for coolness Sure you can be a Skipper of that boat, but not of generational baldness Yo his life ends if this guy spends another day on the ribeye cleanse If someone said he’s the picture of health then it must’ve been shot through a fish-eye lens Wanderer Vs Zuch An ugly neck in a snow white hoodie but u a killer, no question dork Cos I see a witch with a rosey apple & only 3 of the 7 dwarves Left dude MUST be ur brother! Pic shows how I’ll mount an attack Cos i’m gonna put twins to the front that’ll leave a chest hanging out at the back Zuch Vs UserName Christ you’re large, straight out the cattle sector You’re hovering just above 500, and I’m not talking bout your battle record I’m not gonna go easy on you, it’s a FACT I’m the flyest I’m going straight for the neck, and thanks to those beads I might actually find it For you this is lose/lose, must be your first time on a booze cruise First lime, first cranberry, probably first time touching anything in that food group Vs Wanderer That tiny ass frame is as slim as it gets son It must suck when a girl wants to see your baby arm and you gotta ask her “which one?” You’re handsome, bitches love you, Wand’s a legitimate pro figure I’m talking shit, I’ll say anything if it’s gonna get that head to grow bigger Destroyer Vs evaD I know where u from y’all drive on the wrong side of the road But it also looks like u have a bulb out...there on the tip of ur nose Vs Resin M-I-C Could u come with a weaker pic? This is playoffs. I’m posed to kill. I guess if I look really hard I can see a bar like all ur dickriding voters will res a married man for sure. Looking miserable w/ too much wood but when u prayed to god for “just a little head,” it looks like he misunderstood [Roast Review] [User] Evad: Ima title that haircut the ‘what Tyson dealt Evander’ Asked for a super low fade and got shaped up with a belt sander When it comes to beard volume yo this guy dont fuck around If the hairs on his neck stood up then all five of them would touch the ground Posing all hard.. we can see ur not boy Punch either one of those cheeks n it’ll make the same noise as a dog toy Adverse: Always running his mouth, but we’ll never see him get the chrome clip n load it Makes sense dude Barc Bigger than his bite - he looks like a bloated Cronus You can tell winter is coming the way my guy storing fat in his cheeks I guess time really does fly, we just watched Quiz’s son grow up in a matter of weeks Wanderer: U don’t intimidate holders my son. Nobody gon’ fold at this bum Funny they call u Clay coz it look like ur face been moulded from some anyone judging u says ur a noob to fuckin dismantle Had to stand beside that wall just to be huge in front of a panel Those lobes are truly massive so dont’ think this guy so fortunate If a piercer asks him where he wants ear studs he’s gotta provide co-ordinates Mac: what is this fool tryin to be? acting up all mean of course he's a Rockstar G; dressed up as Bully for halloween Vulgar: Your eyes say 'dad never loved me and I never got any presents' but your right cheek says 'mom hit me with a scalding frying pan when I was 7' Kid's a lesbo. No more drag-racing until this shit is settled Split this fellow - dude looks like a more plump Sweet Tooth from Twisted Metal Fairly strong showing from most of you guys, Mac was probably the weakest of the one's quoted, but I loved the accuracy of the Bully concept. And Elfo, you're just not even really trying, so I didnt bother quoting you at all. Vulgar, really enjoyed the flow throughout, I love a good rhyme scheme that doesnt sacrifice flow for content. Some of your ideas were a bit too far fetched, ICP didn't work, etc. This comes down to Dave and Wanderer, really. Adverse, Cronus and Quiz lines were strong, everything else just missed the mark OR had a big drop off due to your wording for me. Wanderer, this is just a roast but I think you may have dropped your most consistent verse of the season, lol. Even the stuff I didn't quote wasn't outright terrible, I think you're definitely getting better at these pic battles, and that's a testament to not giving up and taking the criticism's well. Clay was probably my favorite from you, coordinates being a close runner up. Evad, dog toy line was hilarious. The other's I quoted were good, but the imagery of the dog toy line just stuck with me. Nice verse, well done all around. Overall, Wanderer's taking this one to me. It was actually pretty close between him and Dave. Ad/Vulgar, you guys probably grabbed third place, if it's any consolation. But yeah, I thought Wanderer's verse was funny and creative throughout, and overall a real good showing, enough to win for the roast. [Season Highlights] The Battles (no order): 1. Blue defeats Hush one of the closest battles of the year to become the first champ of the NPL. This, by all accounts, was easily the battle of the season and re-reading it a month later I still think it could have gone either way. 2. UserName and Resin clash in the most refreshing ways - clever takes on well established personals. Laughs abound. 3. Da GAWD UHOH blesses us with a diss track about bags. 4. Zuch drops two verses in his own battle as himself and his alter ego, TOP iLL, creating some heavily memorable lines 5. Hush vs User is the smoothest 14 line battle you will ever read. I miss any? Bitch at me in the comments. The Battlers: Hush surprised everyone, me included, with his consistent participation in the league, seemling raising the bar each week, peaking in one of the best champ matches I’ve hosted. We’ve always known he can drop dope, but to see someone put on a clinic for 7 weeks in a row is a rare sight for 2020. Not to put them in a block because they make up 3 of the top 4 seeded battlers, but this season really saw the rise of the UPN heads as Zuch, Dave, and User managed a trio of impressive runs, leaving two of them as contenders for the season champ belt. We’re not really a ‘so-and-so’s a whatever head’ community anymore (one culture) but having 3 of the season’s best just appear on a whim is something special Always one to make an impression, Barcotic blesses us with the lolbarc moment of this season in his inspired coattails line. It’s no three ingredients curry (which google docs likes to remind me is very grammatically incorrect), but 2020’s been a rough year for everyone. Those of us (read: no one) really missing Barc experienced elation the likes of which we don’t deserve in the emergence of his successor pro tempore: Quiz. While Barc denies a connection, Quiz brought a familiar style that peaked 10 years ago and the familiar demeanor that can’t quite accept it. You could be forgiven thinking they’re the same. While the league featured a handful of people who rarely pic battle (including yours truly), the standouts had to be Wanderer, Adverse, and Mac, all of whom made noticeable improvements over the season: Wanderer with concept selection, Mac with wording, and Adverse with - for lack of a better way to put it - playing to the voters’ preferences. I’m sure you’ll see more from them soon. Destroyer is the sportsman of the season, riding out all 8 weeks and 2 rounds of playoffs unable to see votes against him after week 2. The modding equivalent of a hidden track at the end of a CD, FGR, made a statement in the Adverse vs TOP iLL showdown week 8 in one of the funniest displays of mod power I’ve ever seen. The moral of the story is really just that this hobby’s been around since Corleone invented text boards back in ‘92 and we still don’t understand what a sway is. Playoffs always a slow drag? Battles extended a week? Holiday weekend? Even for the union one? Not on Sharp’s watch. 3 battles with 36 hour extensions apparently sent our intrepid mod into panic mode, triggering a shift in the playoffs from mass extension to mass extinction on what I’m sure will forever not be known as Black Saturday. RIP having more than 2 battles in a round. And fucking somehow, Spree had not one, not two, but eight pictures of him with/near lobsters on deck for this season. [Memes] I thought this pic was going to be it for memes this season: And then votes were just a little too slow for Zuch, User, and Dave. Enjoy [Season Champ Match Analysis: The End] Well, it’s come to this. The number 1 and 2 seeds, models of consistency with an attendance record of Cal Ripken, square off in a rematch of the week 7 champ match. And they fucking dropped before the mag. Fuck you guys. Zuch has been the single biggest name in this site’s battle scene since Covid resurrected his career. With two losses total being to Neighbor in the SC finals and the unstoppable force that is Resin, he’s been a dominant force that’s almost impossible to bet against. His style is true to UPN form, clever roasts with crisp wording. If pressed, I think Zuch may have dropped the most memorable lines this past season. I know I remember a lot, but I could probably pull a quote from 5 of his 8 battles off the cuff pretty easily. This whole package is boosted by finding a level of meanness that’s only surpassed by the likes of Hush and Resin. Basically, if you’re battling Zuch, it’s a given that you’ll need haymakers to stay competitive. Dave is consistently personified. If I had to make a sweeping generalization about him based on his performance this season, I would assume he generally shows up to social gatherings five minutes early. Him showing is a given. Him showing with a certain number of quotes is another given. Despite not always having the flashy, ‘Oh, yeah, that’s a top punch’ kind of verse, you don’t see a lot of bad lines from the guy. Despite hanging on the hit-or-miss style of humor, they seem to have a baseline of ‘Ok’ and a high ceiling. If I had to make one complaint about the guy, it’s that the ceiling may not be high enough for the highest level of battle. Despite what I just wrote, I expect it to be close. Dave could easily compete, if not take it, by adjusting his style a hair to focus on wording. Bars like his ‘runs in the family’ line last week are right where they need to be conceptually but the delivery is something out of a Marx brothers movie. Funny, but not mean enough. I expect both to have the right concepts, but the wording and delivery will be this season’s kingmaker. Good luck to both. Peace |
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09-22-2020, 12:51 AM | #3 |
Razor-thin derision
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,422
Battle Record: 40-25
Accomplishments - OM HOF
Champed - Fight Night LIV
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Rep Power: 49604317 |
good mag
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09-22-2020, 07:07 AM | #4 |
NJ Devil
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 12,042
Battle Record: Who Cares
Accomplishments - Hall of Fame
Rep Power: 84181417 |
U are stellar
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Bed stuy fly Bushwick sick East ny walk |
09-22-2020, 09:51 AM | #5 |
FUCK YOU
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,041
Battle Record: 7-9
Rep Power: 8436723 |
Dope
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09-22-2020, 12:08 PM | #6 |
Ukrainian Howlitzers
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 5,091
Battle Record: 41-24
Accomplishments - Hall of Fame
Champed - NBL Season 3
- Alias Tournament II
- Fight Night XLVIII
- Fight Night XXV
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- Netcees Battle League (4x)
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- Battle Arena League (2x)
- Key Grand Prix 2018 1/2
- BA Tag
- NPL Roast
- Netcees Pic League
Rep Power: 17502332 |
I already bodied that sexually confused Norwegian @TOP iLL ... Fukton Reid in The Butterfly Effect motherfucker
Amazing job as always @Sharp ... You da man, sorry I couldn't finish the season Some great reads this year
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"I shit myself
I had to throw my underwear in the dumpster outback Uve won" -kungfugrip |
09-22-2020, 12:52 PM | #7 | |
I <3 girls an good at sex
Join Date: May 2020
Posts: 149
Battle Record: 4-4
Rep Power: 132751 |
Quote:
Keep my name out of your mouth. You’re poking a giant.
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They think I’m dope and I Cedar Point |
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09-22-2020, 03:54 PM | #8 |
Ukrainian Howlitzers
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 5,091
Battle Record: 41-24
Accomplishments - Hall of Fame
Champed - NBL Season 3
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- Fight Night XLVIII
- Fight Night XXV
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Rep Power: 17502332 |
What makes you think I won't cutchu?!
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"I shit myself
I had to throw my underwear in the dumpster outback Uve won" -kungfugrip |
09-22-2020, 06:02 PM | #9 | |
Needs no introduction
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Toronto
Posts: 4,493
Battle Record: 29-31
Accomplishments - Hall of Fame
Champed - Survivor Tournament
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Quote:
Most ur pics are on google images loolll So who r u really?
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Dummies finna die if they coming into mine boastin Twin glocks'll spark. Waterpark; everybody running when the slides open |
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09-22-2020, 07:21 PM | #10 |
NJ Devil
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 12,042
Battle Record: Who Cares
Accomplishments - Hall of Fame
Rep Power: 84181417 |
Why have you seen that boys Instagram ?
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Bed stuy fly Bushwick sick East ny walk |
09-22-2020, 08:48 PM | #11 |
Spoiled brat
Join Date: May 2020
Location: Detroit
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Rep Power: 83701997 |
Mag is ridiculous fire
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