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Old 02-20-2014, 08:09 PM   #1
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Default TWT CHAMPIONSHIP: (1)dead man vs. (7)Lars - LARS WINS 8-6

The Winter Topical Championship
@dead man @Lars

Verse Deadline: 2/26/2014
Voting Deadline: 3/7/2014
Line Min/Max: 16/64
Extension/Line Extension by request. Must be agreed to.

Topic


Good luck to both.
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Old 02-21-2014, 02:53 AM   #2
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Exclamation

"From Single Cell To Living Hell"


Whether you argue religion conceived us the world that we have
or particle fission as heat and inertia react.
The earth was a mass of violent components
its world uninhabitable by life as we know it.
Ions and protons were fast to generate
a seismic commotion of atmospheric change.
The planetary state reached an extraordinary level
as its recalescent rage meant no water could settle.
The core drawing in metals the planet would need,
but volcanic storms were essential as gas was released.
A gradual easing of temperature meant
rainfall began to increase in torrential descent.
Millennia’s spent as beads then broke from the skies
until the weather relented, leaving ocean’s behind.
These components combined and a new cycle dawned
as we reached a moment in time where life was formed.
Tiny spores of algae hold bold significance -
They provide our orb oxygen through photosynthesis.
A host of primitive flora expand
on their own initiative from water to land.
Early forms of a cyanobacteria constantly merging
in a primordial tapestry of symbiotic convergence.
With oxygen, Earth became more tenantable still
but lots of our early ancestors would be killed.
It lead up to us building on the features that we had
with the necessary skills life needed to adapt.
From seas onto the land, cartilage tissue to bone,
our feet becoming hands as we continued to grow.
Amphibians honing flight as natural selection endeavoured
with the proto-wings that we owned developing feathers.
To weather the elements, fur replaced some scales,
our genetic antecedents balanced weight on tails.
Bipedal traits prevail, we rise up to stand,
as this change unveils an untying of hands.
Our reach rightly expands, along with the girth of our legs,
the arrival of mammals sees births without eggs.
Nature and nurture commence in perfect accord
simians turn into ‘men’ in our earliest form.
Learning to talk helps communication increase
as words replace drawings, we’re able to read.
The attainment of speech was a masterful step
in our brains engineering no other animals met.
With language invented through use of our brains
man had ascended the evolutionary chain.
Us humans created; shaping in time
tools of the trade to aid in our lives.
These basic designs would lead to the usage
of our daily devices, touchscreens and computers.
Our need for ‘improvement’ defied thermodynamics,
leaving the blueprint that Earth had established.
Now we’re usurping the planet of its natural resources
preserving our habitats not a matter of importance.
But what happens when it’s all been brought up from the ground
the vast sums are exhausted and a shortage is pronounced?
We can’t afford to live without it by the time this occurs
a nuclear war is what’s announced and we fight for reserves.
As missiles are returned, our own extinction’s a viable path,
our survival on Earth threatened by the enquiring of man.
We’re so blind to this fact that we can’t even see
we’ve paradise in our grasp, yet it’s never seemed so far from our reach…


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Old 03-01-2014, 08:04 AM   #3
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~


primordial depth where lava lamps are nature derived
molten magma. subterranean, the crater's alive
swordfish dual at 7 sharp. that's 20 paces a side
win or lose, the centrifuge replies. creating a tide
waterworld. water colors washing watery portraits
water molecules, water wings and water resorts
there were giants, mighty giants. mythological forces
built the water temple navi explored. but not anymore
it waned the day my father died. lord of the sea
sultan of stream, warship emperor, controlling regimes
urchins and cuttlefish. green leaflets, algae and moss
pre-prototypical. drafting Machiavellian laws
iron fist, coral amethyst. a palace of gold
my dad. the Elemental One who swam in the cove
spanning globally, a balance, oceanic repose
air in the bubble, fire in the belly, land in a row
shallow and cold. waves overlapping. peak to plateau
watched him decompose like glaciers into sparkling snow
a giant, mighty giant. only one of his kind
i was a blip, but a set of scales, floating awry
it was time. a prophesy filled. duty, honor and will
a kingdom fallen. merging with his counterpartners to build
dark and still. pitch as night. seems their job was complete
and to think, they did it all within the span of a week -
pharaoh Aqua. Akhbar waterway, my lineage pure
a set of sacrifices leading to your sense of assurance
developmental evolution. live bacterial worms
intermediate earth - tree trunks, amoeba and germs
4 twin brothers who always worked in conjunction
heat, soil and oxygen in surface eruptions
it was complete. they could unify. transcend the beyond
giving way to existential theory centuries on
i remember his expression as he looked at us all
for the very first time. and he sang us a song
his dialect was wavelength and molecular bond
harmonizing hurricanes to make his kingdom dissolve
it was freedom and loss. tragedy. the birth of a star
before he turned to stone, my father took a seed in his palm
raised it past the breaking point from under the sea
so his brothers could see. Life where there was nothing, believe
below a hundred degrees, synergistic alignment
King Triton's monument island, before existence was science
they were giants, mighty giants. the creators, the myth
architects and artists. palm trees, temperature shifts
for all their kids. we swim along and savor today
waiting patiently until it's washed away ..





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Old 03-01-2014, 08:53 PM   #4
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Lars, your display of detail towards the evolution idea of life itself transitioning to the human era from beginning to end was dope. I enjoyed this piece a lot. Don’t really have any complaints with it, I would mention a couple rhyme schemes but it’s not really significant. No filler to point out, everything seemed relevant. This was dope man, not much else to say.

Dead, your wordplay is one of the best I’ve ever seen, I’m sure that has been said to you many of times so I’ll spare it. As for your approach to the topic, it was really complex. As close as an interpretation I would have of this would be That the mythical gods of the sea created this island as a type of church for themselves. A type of beta test before Earth was constructed by it’s creators. I must’ve read this 4 times over, trying to put more pieces together. lol

For me personally, I have to vote on who had the more enjoyable read in my eyes. Content wise, they were equal. Wordplay, flow, approach to the topic, etc. All equal imo. I just feel more satisfied after reading Lars verse, it told a complete, intricate tale of the building blocks of life, and didn’t really leave me hanging or any questions to be answered. Black had a more intricate verse than lars, which could go either way in the voter’s perception, depending on what you initially get out of it after a complete read. Dope battle here though with two great verses to send it off.

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Old 03-01-2014, 09:28 PM   #5
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Lars - Excellent verse, a Smithsonian style summarization of the history of Earth and mankind. My only complaint is that there isn't much personality injected into the bloodstream of this verse. It's more of a neutral voice of reason kind of narrator, which is okay, but sometimes when a verse gets lengthy and it's written in this style I get restless before the end arrives. I don't think that happened here, just a word of advice for next time is to maybe distribute more ice breakers to avoid monotony in certain cases. The rhyme schemes were top notch for the most part. You made it look easy to word every line meticulously while it still carried relevant meaning. The language was well sewn, never rushed, however, the concept itself wasn't as unique as it gets. What made it original and your own was how you executed it from start to finish: with finesse, sensitivity and accuracy. Commendable take on the topic and probably your strongest verse of the tournament so far.

dead man - Sick verse, you brought out all of the stops in this one. It was about when giants roamed the Earth, and what they brought to it when there were magical forces at stake. Creation, destruction and rebirth. The imagery was vibrant and you really drove home a delectable amount of different elements relating to the ocean, mythology and the natural sciences. The way you ended the piece in gentle fashion gave me the impression that this is the end of the world: the last frontier of peace, and the children of King Triton or whichever mighty god-like giant are wading in the waters, waiting for erosion to claim its last castle on the limestone vista. While you wrote a full bodied, elegant verse, what set it apart from Lars' submission was that his had more harmony with the topic and less of a "hearty push" to make the content as streamlined as possible. I thought you got into gear, meandered a bit, and then followed that outline of hot, cool and entertaining for the duration of your verse. Lar's verse had chemistry without friction, if this makes sense. His tone was consistent, while yours claimed a greater capacity for sporadic instances of image-enhanced detail backed by a fragmental story-frame. It's one of those things: do I want a slice of pumpkin pie or do I want a birthday cake with frosting, chocolate syrup and strawberries on top?

My vote goes to Lars because he brought a balanced act. dead man's was bursting with energy and he wasn't trying to test the waters here. He was trying to fire cannons at Lars' ship. I think he hit and missed during his enthused conceptual volley. Lars went for a silent torpedo beneath the waters approach, using his strength which is gradual storytelling, and he got the job done. Just my take on the battle.

Props and respect to both. You are both ill writers and competitors. I'm looking forward to matches in the near future..

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Old 03-02-2014, 02:25 AM   #6
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Lars: Your take on the topic was spot-on, encapsulated by your brilliant closing line. I think you rooted right to the heart of what the artist envisioned with this illustration, then expanded from there to provide the backstory. Unfortunately, that backstory came off as very procedural staid. You simply described the popular scientific theories behind creation and evolution. You spent an awful lot of time on prehistory, which makes sense since most of the universe's existence is prehistory. But it's also boring and without much real comment on the emphasis of that last line. Had you started with the original man or perhaps even with where you left off in your verse against me, the beginnings of speech, you could have driven the point home better by fueling your content with conflict. Conflict drives great stories. Part of the issue here is that your writing is so matter-of-fact, polished and lacking in judgment. This can be an asset quite often for you, as was evident in our battle (which I bring up twice because this verse definitely recalls that one). But here you were so big-picture that I wanted something more than a perfectly rhymed voiceover to a planetarium show. That's what this felt like. The mechanics and word choice were outstanding, and no part of me is overlooking that. The rhymes were ridiculously deep, and you stayed in form throughout the verse. But it never moved into the realm of being compelling or fresh.

dead man: This verse read a bit like a tug of war. Your style, the one you use so often in Open Mic verses, is so distinct that it sometimes seems you have struggles batting it back a little for storytelling and other topical verses. You did this well in Round 1, which isn't to say that verse was better for it. We are the writers we are because we are the writers we are, so denying your individualist style is directly playing against your strengths. The tug of war here comes from a rather complex outline and story stream that required more direct writing and your own need to be creative and clever and a bit ethereal. Ultimately, it gave your verse character. The opening six lines initially rubbed me as a bit of delaying, but on the second and third reads it became more obvious you were simply building a world. Your lack of direct imagery hurt you in managing this task, particularly on that first read. But that's a big part of your style, forcing readers to pay close attention and connect dots rather than connecting them yourself. (Lars is the opposite, as he does a great job of connecting dots and pulling strings and erecting signposts for his readers, which is what makes this battle so interesting.) I wish we could have a deeper glimpse into exactly what led to Triton's decision to sacrifice himself in order to create the land, but I very much liked the image you created. The mix of mythology and commentary on civilization was smart. You meandered at times and definitely are prone to naval-gazing because you know how talented you are. But really, those overwrought parts are some of the more interesting to read because they give us a little insight into your mind. The dissertation in the end about the sacrifices made by greater forces to put us here was thoughtful. Ultimately, that thoughtfulness won you the battle in my eyes. You went to a deeper level in your analysis than Lars, who probably outwrote you on the basis of his more challenging and tightly wound composition.

Vote: dead man
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Old 03-02-2014, 03:25 AM   #7
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Tiny spores of algae hold bold significance -
They provide our orb oxygen through photosynthesis.
A host of primitive flora expand
on their own initiative from water to land.
Early forms of a cyanobacteria constantly merging
in a primordial tapestry of symbiotic convergence.

vs

dark and still. pitch as night. seems their job was complete
and to think, they did it all within the span of a week -
pharaoh Aqua. Akhbar waterway, my lineage pure
a set of sacrifices leading to your sense of assurance
developmental evolution. live bacterial worms
intermediate earth - tree trunks, amoeba and germs



This was a fucking dope battle. I quoted the lines I liked the most and thought were perfect

Imo I was feeling Lars verse more because I felt it was more accesible and the flow was insane. Great schemes as well

Dead man had an equally great verse but some of his obscure references put me off a little, and I felt like the periods had me stopping all over the place. But still a great verse



Props




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Old 03-02-2014, 03:24 PM   #8
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lars - throughout, your scheme was predictable i kind of liked it. although i guessed a couple rhymes, the piece was solid. here you were kinda pushing it
Our reach rightly expands, along with the girth of our legs,
the arrival of mammals sees births without eggs.

this felt a little dry

With oxygen, Earth became more tenantable still
but lots of our early ancestors would be killed.

but overall you came with a fairly solid piece. approach and execution were solid. just felt like something was missing.

dead man - great stuff man. had a little problem here i'll nitpick

it was complete. they could unify. transcend the beyond
giving way to existential theory centuries on
i remember his expression as he looked at us all
for the very first time. and he sang us a song
his dialect was wavelength and molecular bond
harmonizing hurricanes to make his kingdom dissolve
it was freedom and loss. tragedy. the birth of a star
before he turned to stone, my father took a seed in his palm

you carried that assonance a little too far to drop "birth of a star" so quick. i was just left staring at a couple lines with a grand sense of expectence that wasn't satisfied.
content's really good.

/v lars - although dead man sounded a little catchier, i feel like lars came through with a more complete piece. great match tho. thanks to both competitors.
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Old 03-02-2014, 03:32 PM   #9
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Lars: the ease of your rhythm was immediately discernible, props on that. The pace and word choice drove me through the verse without making me have to re-read anything - I got it all on first read, and readily understood everything.

There are pros and cons of that, to me. It’s appealing to read and easy to digest, and nothing sticks out negatively about it at all - I’ve said it before, but one of the most impressive aspects of your writing from my point is that there’s hardly ever a misstep of any sort, which makes you a tough opponent for anyone because they know they can’t flinch without it giving you an edge.

But the other side of that is I don’t feel particularly compelled to re-read it. There’s no lingering ripples of ideas or images that stuck with me and made me want to go through it again. I can’t think of a better word to use, so apologies if this sounds mean, but there was something dry about this to me. Perhaps because the bulk of it was about material that I’m pretty interested in, so it didn’t stick out to me as anything new, and it wasn’t presented in a particularly novel way either.

That being said, the final turn of phrase was a perfect angle for this, and executed flawlessly. If anything, I would have liked to see a longer segment spent on how our development as a species led into the naturalist idea of paradise that seems to be drifting farther out by the day, one landing spot that was prob a little too short. But again, it’s difficult to criticize your work because it is so tidy and effective. This is the level of quality I’ve come to expect from you.

Black: I enjoyed the angle a lot, it read like a vernacular retelling of a creation myth, which was cool. There were parts that felt a little too “Under the Sea” for me, but nothing jarring, just an awkward step in tone here and there.

It’s obvious you had a greater aim for this piece conceptually than did Lars. For the most part you succeeded, though the glaring omission from my end is I didn’t get exactly why Triton had to sacrifice himself. Like, the kingdom was collapsing, but why/how? I took it as a pre-emptive escape launch for the father’s people, who eventually turned out to be us humans who now rarely revere these kinds of myths as legitimate doctrine or religion. The final line was a zinger in that regard, almost an indictment on humanity for willfully ignoring our real creation; we just want it to wash away.

This wasn’t your typical barrage of metaphorical imagery, though it was certainly along the same vein. There were potholes to me, like what I mentioned above, the prophecy being fulfilled, and a couple other places where I just had issues with the clarity, which I usually don’t have with your work. I think you did enough to guide me to my own conclusions, but I still feel a little shaky on everything, despite multiple re-reads.

Vote: Well, Lars had a succinct, well-constructed topical that, while succeeding from a storytelling standpoint, left me without much feeling or thought after, almost too simplistic for my likings (which may be unfair, since like I said, you covered well-tread ground for me personally, so maybe I’m just being too critical). Black on the other hand had more complexity, but also more spots that didn’t work for me/too unexplained for me to get into. On the first read through of both verses, I was leaning towards Lars, but after multiple reads of both, I think the superior angle and imagination of Black’s verse secured it for me - I discovered new things about it each time. Two of my favorite writers duking it out, and I thoroughly enjoyed the matchup. In a painfully close decision, I gotta give it to Black. Good shit, win for the M either way.
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Old 03-02-2014, 05:49 PM   #10
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First off, I've read each over a few times in the past couple of days, both equally amazing writtens that set a new standard for Championship Bouts. Usually by the time the finals roll around the competitors are burnt out and don't perform to there own standards. I feel like you two went beyond, great showing bitches!!!!


Lars - Heavy rhyme scheme that was juggled and dropped a few times, but I do appreciate the "not so easy" flow route, because of the degree of difficulty, when you were on it was fluid and made the lesser seem, well, insignificant especially when you add into the fact of progression of story and depth/symbolism or meaning put into literally each individual line. I loved the story, especially the beginning phases, but the ending seemed abrupt and a bit weak IMO. There was room for a deep meaning instead of "war, we failed". Although there was a lesson inside the verse, it seemed the lesson was second to simply ending the verse. Also, its minor, but looking at the picture I honestly can't correlate it to the verse, but I do understand the reasoning behind it. Solid effort, one of the better, 'knowledge' verses I've read in recent memory.


Black - The imagery in this entire verse was nearly overwhelming, you packed so much into such a short verse that honestly it took away from it. The flow from start to end was superb, and the overall story was dope. I love reading about Ancient Gods on my free time and watching any such documentary I can get, so reading this was naturally right up my ally. OK, so the imagery I referenced earlier was so in depth that you literally placed one to three snap shot photos into each individual line. From natural Lava Lamps of magma rising, to Sword fish dueling and other underwater urchins and creatures to a father speaking to his seedlings for the first time using wavelengths creating tornadoes to speak, fucking dope man.


Overall, these two verses should both be put into the HOF with out question. First verse spanned centruies from the first living molecule (water it seemed) to the ending of man kind as we know it. Second verse went into detail of Earths original inhabitants being God's, creating and living in there natural state of water.

Each verse is worthy of the victory, but there will be only one. I will vote of which I enjoyed solely because neither truly trumped the other in either concept, flow or any other aspect I typically vote on including execution, which you both did seamlessly and effortlessly, although I'm sure while writing these effortless they were not.


In the end, I must say the degree of difficulty in first verse was a bit higher, but while battling with who I wanted to vote for, I simply kept coming to the very same conclusion.

V/Deadman

For writing on a topic I love, so the connection between his verse and me is naturally a bit stronger





GREAT FUCKING BATTLE
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Old 03-03-2014, 10:41 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by Trademark View Post
Don't really know what categories to judge a topical piece on but Lar's verse was dope with the imagery and story line. I liked his verse much better and it was put together nicely. So props @Lars

Other verse was okay, reason I didn't really like it as much as Lars' verse, is because. The beginning of the verse just seemed all over the place. I couldn't really make out what/where he was trying to go. Then it picked up and I started to get a sense of feel and imagery. But Lar's verse was nicely put together and painted a much better story Line, IMO. But I don't do topicals so, I wouldn't know what's dope or not, lol.

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Old 03-03-2014, 10:58 AM   #12
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this is not going to be a long vote from me.

baron -- very well-written and seemingly refined (heavily) to an enviable smoothness. could say it was succinct. i have to revere your formative and structural strength because it's impressive - there's a patent didactic quality which i've accused oats of having several times, although his seems more rooted in (his own) moralistic fibre whereas yours (for the most part) is emotionally detached and feels as if it informs for the sake of informing. imagine a rhymed textbook. that's what your recent verses have reminded me of, although i would say i preferred the alpha/beta one to this because it had (more) character. i fully understand your scope, i appreciate the execution, and i can't deny that you conjured a good to great topical. for the same reasons: this fell, and felt a bit flat. much of the expression felt prosaic and even unambitious at times. i wouldn't say you played it safe, but there is a lack of bravado about this entry. it might seem like a strange criticism and in the wake of incompetent voters i've always tried to take a body of writing for what it is, and for me, personally, this was a stellar piece of writing that didn't exactly resonate, i guess you could say. i like things that belie their ostensible meaning. i don't want to be spoon-fed.

blacketh -- inventive. almost inspiring. the repetition of giants, mighty giants was extremely effective... gave your whimsical, wandering abstractions that little bit of spine to anchor to. it wasn't perfect, it felt a bit rough around the edges at times. a myriad of references interspersed the narrative - you curbed your style to create a vulgar-esque mythology, and it staggered on the edge of obscurity perhaps a bit more than you should have allowed it to. or should i say abstruse. i still dislike the the 'lazier' occasions in your writing where you seem to list things, throwing vague echoes together to force an ambiguity down our throats. it can hurt the fluidity, but it's a staple of your (almost) inimitable style, a hallmark, and of the reasons i enjoy the aspiration of your writing. sometimes i view them as pretensions, other times the energy resonates with me and, ironically, my mind is pulled into your verse while being pushed into an unreal ramble - a walk, not a rant. maybe both. ultimately, i enjoy that paradox, quite a bit. the rhyming was stellar and felt pretty organic. i don't recall you over-writing a scheme. transitions were beautiful. the story was epic. felt Homeric with a sprinkle of the spirit (molecule). found myself re-reading it a few times and that's one of the key distinctions i took between the two verses.

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Old 03-04-2014, 08:00 PM   #13
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Man! This was a fucking great battle, you two are monsters.

Lars,
great piece my dude, you told a perfectly rounded story of evolution which just rolled off the tongue effortlessly minus a couple lines that i think dialect came into effect, or is it affect? That one always gets me. Anyways, Ithink you're british so you say shit weird, maybe thats why it was off. As far as the piece itself it was more of a history lesson in rhyme form than a story. Almost like you had a history page open as you were writing. The second half to end (which was my favored part) seemed like more your own thoughts, i wish you would have wrote more of that.

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Awesome. This was epic, I love mythology. The thing about your pieces that i love is the imagery you create in such few words. The whole tree trunk section was beautifully written. Thhe only thing that i wish is that you would get into storymode more. Everything you write seems so... exactly the same, tone wise ect. I mean it's your style obviously and i respect that because you have it locked in tight. But if you were able to incorperate that into a more( i don't know if im saying this right) narrative than abstract style you'd be unstoppable, not to say you arn't now. Just my two cents.


Both of you guys are incredible writers and I'm just glad to share the board with the likes of you two and other elites here. This was tough, i really liked both pieces but i think I enjoyed dead mans a little more so he gets the vote from me. Again, thank you guys for the awesome verses to read.

Mvgt=dead man
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Old 03-04-2014, 08:45 PM   #14
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Old 03-05-2014, 10:39 AM   #15
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I was just waiting to see how this panned out before I voted. I re-read only twice, but first time around I had a clear winner. The second time around, I had a clear winner again. Not to say the other verse wasn't as pronounced as it could have been. Which- is the case, I think. But one verse stood out and connected with me better. It actually likened my odds of leaning towards that sort of verse. If I had to take a gander at what I would be writing for this particular picture I would definitely take some sort of route this writer showed. Except I would make it a million times better cause I'm feeling that creative urge and I have the time to do so now. Lets start with the latter poster.

Dead man. Excellent verse. I wouldnt compare this to any other writings youve shared with us for a few reasons. It had its own individual discourse. I liked the element of writing surrounding the storyline of the greater being. The outlining relationship through tiny chapters of repeated wordage to signify the premise, climax and fall is really well done. I used a similar format against ZYG and it panned out pretty well, though you voted in likes of the opponent who used a style also incorporated into this verse, except with much less dialogue. Exquisite. Your mechanics for the first time this tournament actually met a similar opponent with equally serrated blades; that is lars. Kind of a treat to see. Your ability to construct a verse in terms of mechanics and wording (lets exclude rhymes for a bit here) is actually very good. Lars uses a set that actually amplifies his wording through his rhymes, a feat that is very hard to do and only few on this site can do it. Not even the top tiers that come to mind can combine storytelling and wordage as good as lars, or even close to his level. Which is impressive. You are probably one of the other writers that can do so and quite adequately. To see you two go at it, is quite a treat for myself. It's like a guru watching two of his top students go at it from different regions. I am that guru and you two are my students. I didn't really see anybody really giving deadman a problem until now. I mean, I faced him but that was just a badly timed hadouken meant to hit no one. Deadman easily dodged it and moved on to the next round. Witty had his moments, but deadman disposed of him. Nigma did well, but had little success. And in the final match a master swordsman approaches with his sword cuffed into his guard, ready to sheave at a moments notice. Deadman doesnt notice at the quick slash near his cheek but is quickly put on guard knowing this isnt an easy battle to take forth. Lars is equally confident and talented. I find it funny some people (one person) put such a far distance between deadmans talent of weaponry and lars knowledge of it. When in reality, in this context, it is very close, and the tides can shift at a moments notice.

Lars told a story. The profundity of it, was ok, and it ended quite profound. I wish he STARTED with what he ended with. I was thinking something along the lines of interstellar. And my juices are just bubbling, actually mad at myself for not showing completely in my battle. This tournament just caters to me if Im motivated enough to do so. Lars delivers a piece about humanity and it is punctuated with his ease of access to a readers heart strings. The picture couples quite well with what is being said, "it was right in our hands." And it touches deeply for what we are in now, known as a sort of bubbling crisis. The fossil fuel ref, the expendable energy, everything is beautifully written and the cosmos align. It reminds me of the trailer for interstellar, and that trailer just touches beautifully for me. I posted a thread long ago about it and nobody really cared and they made fun of my wording in it. Hopefully your subconscious took note of that and catered to me, because I liked this verse very much.



"we always define ourselves by our ability to overcome the impossible"

one critic said it was impossible for lars to outwrite deadman (loosely translated). I think that critic was wrong. And for once in this tournament, an outright vote will be casted at the end of my vote. Vote - Lars. Exceptional work by both gentlemen. Whoever loses, will still be an exceptional writer, the winner will be as well. Good luck. Fuck, I'm crying. I'd like to thank my mom and mustachia. I can't *walks off stage*
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If mentioned in a discussion its who'd still use wordy lines and act all dope
Then again hes had this schtick so long he like bb da bb da bb thats all folks
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Old 03-06-2014, 08:10 PM   #16
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@King Ra @Ink @Pinot Grij @dull boy @dyedinthewool @sacrifice @Objective @Diode @WZA @YDK @Innovator @Totoro @Vividlyvague @Mike Wrecka @ZYG @maths debate @neutral @Frank @Clockwerk

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Any vote would be appreciated.

The voting deadline is Friday @ Midnight as the OP says but the margin has to be 2 votes.
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Old 03-08-2014, 07:55 PM   #17
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sick battle guys. props

Lars - dope verse. it very much reminded me of something Zygote would post. as a matter of fact, if I read that without knowing who created it, I would bet my house that Zyg wrote it. anyway ya I really like how you started at the very beginning of life and brought us all the way to present day, without missing a single step in the process. it was extremely detailed and well written. the end rhymes were very well thought out and worked wonderfully. my only gripe is that it was an emotionless piece until the last bar. it was cold and a little science text bookish. BUT you finished it up so strong. I was wondering how you would really relate it to the pic and you did in a fantastic way. great job dude

dead man - another dope verse. I was hoping that you would bring some emotion to this engagement but your verse was also kind of cold and emotionless just like Lars was. you guys really went in about the same direction here. summarizing past events in a very scientific and journalistic way almost. your rhyme scheme was superb as always. your phrases are quotables in themselves. like this one

shallow and cold. waves overlapping. peak to plateau
watched him decompose like glaciers into sparkling snow

that's poetic and beautiful all by itself

and the flow was superior to lars. great verse man.


overall - Lars and dead both brought incredible verses. they both lacked emotion for me tbh though. but what they lacked in emotion they both made up for the attention to detail. black d flowed better. BUT Lars really drove home the point with the ending and I have never read a verse tell a story in such total detail from start to end. not missing a thing. deads flow and rhyme scheme and sick phrases didn't overcome Lars total complete telling of the story of life imo. thanks for the read guys.


Vote - Lars
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Old 03-09-2014, 11:55 PM   #18
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Lars - Enjoy the fluid progression of the piece. Easy to understand what you're going at. Abit lackluster in term of rhymes from time to time though, still/killed & had/adapt respectively being among the examples of basicly being lazy, I mean, it sounds okay but has an off-feeling to it. I feel this improves along with the rhymescheme as the piece goes on in the second half tho'. Also feel like there's places where you could have added/removed a syllable or something to improve the flow, but this kinda relies on accent etc. so I might be ''off'' when it comes to that, but let's look at this example:

Now we’re usurping the planet of its natural resources
preserving our habitats not a matter of importance.
^ By removing ''its'' from the first line I think it would have flowed better tbh.

Overall I love the concept, the piece is pretty solid in terms of the shit you're saying and I enjoyed the read quite a bit. The word choices, the build up of sentences was pretty smooth and clever. Well done.

Dead man - Yet again you start off well by engaging the reader into something that questions the piece on what you're about in a quasi understandable yet interesting way. I feel as if this piece is fueled with straight forward and creative metaphores (like the four twin brothers being the elements) with a fluid easy-to-read flow. The only weakness is that sometimes the metas can be abit of an overkill, but you manage to pull it off either way. I didn't really like the repetition of the water-lines, everythings water, I get it, felt like it'd be enough with one line. That's extreme nitpicking and purely biased on personal opinion, so don't take that for anything else.

Overall I really enjoyed this piece. I liked the story of ''your dad'' being this mythological creature as the king of the sea and how his hands (the picture) is holding the seed. Definitely enjoyed the story as a whole. Well done.

Vote - Both did a pretty good job, but I feel Dead Man gets it on the flow and a creative approach along with a slightly higher level on the metas and similies. Lars definitely had a creative approach as well which I loved and I feel they might be equal when it comes that, and I definitely enjoyed his verse as well, but overall in terms of execution and finesse Dead Man snatches my vote. Definitely a great worthy of championship battle, dope shit guys.
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Old 03-10-2014, 12:45 AM   #19
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lars: Love that title. As I was reading along your story of evolution, which read really smooth, with great rhymes, diction, and construction, I was wondering how this tied into the topic picture. And then I read that last line - what a way to close the piece and tie it all together. Overall a superb read.

dead man: Not that this is relevant, but I couldn't help wonder what program you type your verses on.. It's gotta be notepad or something, because Word automatically capitalizes after a period, and I can't see you caring to go back and lowercase it by hand after the autoformat. Anyways, moving along. This was also a phenomenal verse.
"his dialect was wavelength and molecular bond"
"swordfish dual at 7 sharp. that's 20 paces a side"
Just two of many lines that stuck out for me, that first one was dope, that second one, was just clever to me.. though I'm sure others will think I'm strange for thinking so. The word choice, imagery, and flow was all polished and left very little to be desired..

Lars took the topic and interpreted it figuratively ( we’ve paradise in our grasp, yet it’s never seemed so far from our reach…) while dead took the topic and gave it a physical existence in his verse. Both had very polished submissions with hardly any hiccups in terms of mechanics or storytelling, and I think ultimately the decision on this battle is going to come down to the subjective choices of the voters...

Vote: This is pretty tough to call... But after giving both yet another read, I'm going to give this one to Lars. Both were exceptional, but how Lars ended his verse was the what tipped it slightly in his favor for me.
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