sons of insanarchy

[veritas]

“Son…be careful about trying to tear something down, especially if you don’t know exactly what to build up in it’s place.”

-Jim Murphy III

So the leader is Hellboy, is that ironic?
Can I even complain when I was ten and bumping Dre’s the Chronic?
Thinking you can remain plain while u transverse thru the mosh pit?
The old lady is shady, big surprise that her smile leeks caustic
And they turn you into a murderer as soon as you claim prospect
They chasing the end game and so are you, but it ain’t the same object
Their tongues become guns, cuz they lack the sums to fund a sane conflict
So people become pawns, lying to themselves and seeking to blame honest
They go to the Irish for 50 cals, they have to, as they’ve refused to remain modest
While the various hookers come and go for each bro just to show a stain noxious
The young leader who holds their future? Just know he is the main ostrich
Cuz he might not be down with the pope, but the cartel propels his whole process.
Some have family of their own, but the club is where their rotten hearts are
The innocent and good man’s back if you wanna see where their plotting darts are
They call their decision process church, but their aint nothing holy about their schemes
They say they live to serve their town and its people, until it interferes with their dreams
You see them set people up to take the fall, only because those people knew their dirt
You see them murder in cold blood, have a drink, then laugh as their feeling no hurt
For every master mind scheme that works out, ten fail and cause irreversible damage
Mind blown: How to remain pure when these are those who govern how u manage?
Incompetent sociopaths, outlaw psychopaths who have relativistic morals are all the rave
My advice? Be patient and save who you can save.

[Vulgar]

Incomplete English when it comes to rhyming hurts you a lot of the time, Veritas. Eloquence is on the forecast but you're not consistently raining on them hoes yet, so to speak. lol. A few degrees north and I'm confident you'll be there. For example, 'caustic' and 'blame honest' are mismatches.

For every master mind scheme that works out, ten fail and cause irreversible damage
Mind blown: How to remain pure when these are those who govern how u manage?
^Scary thoughts though, eh?

You might find this of interest if you haven't heard of it through the wifi-vine already:



I think if you wrote in a philosophic way vs. a firm believer lecturing it would be more effective - meaning, as the writer, remain neutral, but through your elaborative statements, completely drive your point home. I find myself reading your work and hearing a stern, determined, directive narrator's voice, and this doesn't cut it entirely for me. @The Mind Assassin

Keep doing you

[veritas]

you had some good and legit feed. noted. I have always been the preacher though bruh bruh....sorry in advance. but not really.

[PancakeBrah]

If no one respects what the preacher is saying he should find a new occupation.

[Scripter]

This was cool I liked it
this was my favorite part

"The old lady is shady, big surprise that her smile leeks caustic
And they turn you into a murderer as soon as you claim prospect
They chasing the end game and so are you, but it ain’t the same object
Their tongues become guns, cuz they lack the sums to fund a sane conflict
So people become pawns, lying to themselves and seeking to blame honest"

All of it just seemed to flow so well. Well done.

[veritas]

Originally Posted by PancakeBrah

If no one respects what the preacher is saying he should find a new occupation.

the fact that a fool does not respect my work makes my work all the more respectable. carry on hipster.

[Objective]

I read the feed given to see if there was anything to add. I agree with Vulgar was saying, the only difference is that I kinda like the preaching-aspect of it. Makes it more personal to me as you're the one saying it, not just something to ponder upon, this is how you see it. No-one else.

That said this piece had a lot of interesting things to say. I enjoyed this line as well:

''Mind blown: How to remain pure when these are those who govern how u manage?''
^ Nice!

''And they turn you into a murderer as soon as you claim prospect
They chasing the end game and so are you, but it ain’t the same object
Their tongues become guns, cuz they lack the sums to fund a sane conflict
So people become pawns, lying to themselves and seeking to blame honest''
^ Word!

Overall I enjoyed this, but some polishing on the stuff Vulgar pointed out would make this A LOT better. Keep it up V!

[veritas]

thanks for the feed gents! Preciate the time you took to read!