A Loki Tribute.

e11even · 11-25-2013, 04:55 AM

At night, I see my demons at play.
A frendzied frollic of fancy from within my soul's gates.
They incite my subconscience in leaps of no faith.
And, indeed, their deeds get bid a do... bid adieu to good taste.

Sins swell, they swarm, they relinquish all ground work.
Wearing karma's omens as trinkets, til me in hell is like sinking a flounder.
Belittled til now, the little they've scrounged against my will's a few pounds dirt...
Enough to cover a casket to the surface level of brown earth.

But these demons... I... well, love's a profound word,
But I'd choose my negatives over any polaroid memory involving a gowned purse.

And here they are again...
helping me ruin my union as if they don't know why I found her.
She's my future, but past misteps reminds her I'm lost... so my hounds lurk...

Just one more click of that mouse! You need a change of pace...

Then she busts the door down, "Jerk! Everytime I'm not around, you flirt!"
Fuck. Thanks guys. Ugh.

At least she never found those used Trojans on the playground turf...
You got a point there. Go get that make-up sex hehehe... You foul pervs.

My demons rejoice.
I want to escape them, but have never found the nerve.. at night.

Vulgar · 12-07-2013, 12:42 PM

So your girl in real life presumes you are flirting with other individuals on the world wide web while you're just on Netcees repelling trolls and writing verses? lol. One of my interpretations. I thought this was a straight verse. The 'voice' of your verses seems to be predominantly emotional in its tone, at least when its doing its narration thing. God, angels, demons or the devil usually pop up, which is cool. You may be a religious person, or you are interested in theology in general.

Quote:

Sins swell, they swarm, they relinquish all ground work.
Wearing karma's omens as trinkets, til me in hell is like sinking a flounder.
Belittled til now, the little they've scrounged against my will's a few pounds dirt...
Enough to cover a casket to the surface level of brown earth.

Nice wording. I especially liked the first line.

Keep doing you

Zen · 12-07-2013, 03:19 PM

Sorry I'm late on returning feed to you man, but here it is.

Judging by the title I'm assuming that in the first two sections you're Loki watching the chaos you created kinda like setting up the scene. The opening line is what made me think that since you're watching your demons at play. The last few sections seem to be specific situations that you're watching with one guy cheating on his gf online and another fucking someone on a playground lol. I could be wrong, but that's what I got out of it. Mechanics wise, this was nice again. Keep developing this style. It's unique.

e11even · 12-08-2013, 01:13 AM

Thanks so much for the feed guys.

11-25-2013, 04:55 AM	#1
e11even V.V Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: . Posts: 2,076 Battle Record: 31-20 Rep Power: 6247256	A Loki Tribute. At night, I see my demons at play. A frendzied frollic of fancy from within my soul's gates. They incite my subconscience in leaps of no faith. And, indeed, their deeds get bid a do... bid adieu to good taste. Sins swell, they swarm, they relinquish all ground work. Wearing karma's omens as trinkets, til me in hell is like sinking a flounder. Belittled til now, the little they've scrounged against my will's a few pounds dirt... Enough to cover a casket to the surface level of brown earth. But these demons... I... well, love's a profound word, But I'd choose my negatives over any polaroid memory involving a gowned purse. And here they are again... helping me ruin my union as if they don't know why I found her. She's my future, but past misteps reminds her I'm lost... so my hounds lurk... Just one more click of that mouse! You need a change of pace... Then she busts the door down, "Jerk! Everytime I'm not around, you flirt!" Fuck. Thanks guys. Ugh. At least she never found those used Trojans on the playground turf... You got a point there. Go get that make-up sex hehehe... You foul pervs. My demons rejoice. I want to escape them, but have never found the nerve.. at night. __________________ Ahem. Last edited by e11even; 11-25-2013 at 06:51 AM.

12-07-2013, 03:19 PM	#3
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,104 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079719	Sorry I'm late on returning feed to you man, but here it is. Judging by the title I'm assuming that in the first two sections you're Loki watching the chaos you created kinda like setting up the scene. The opening line is what made me think that since you're watching your demons at play. The last few sections seem to be specific situations that you're watching with one guy cheating on his gf online and another fucking someone on a playground lol. I could be wrong, but that's what I got out of it. Mechanics wise, this was nice again. Keep developing this style. It's unique. Last edited by Zen; 12-07-2013 at 03:23 PM.

12-08-2013, 01:13 AM	#4
e11even V.V Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: . Posts: 2,076 Battle Record: 31-20 Rep Power: 6247256	Thanks so much for the feed guys. __________________ Ahem.