Cyclical

[ThisisDAM]

Glancing above,
The effortless motion, the dance of the doves
A feeling so deep, unmatched by romance or of love
Triangular crush, flocks soar in top form
Overcoming the odds, even if circumstances are tough
A time where leaves would plunge to the depths
A man wishing, transitions wont come to effect
His struggle with debt, mumbling under his breath
They can double the rent,
But change, is worth something most others forget
Like dominoes, strategically arranged
The perfect landing isn't always easily obtained
With one jolt, a nudge, one poke or shove
Every aspect of your life will repeatedly degrade
The unequivocal denial of any state of enjoyment
Even Labor Day comes, still have to claim unemployment
Hes tasted the poison, devoured its bitterness whole
That walk through the shadowy path's a miserable stroll
It never takes a minimal toll on his spiritual soul
Missing the ingredients to survive this unlivable cold
Blizzards of snow began to flurry, unstoppable weather
Ashamed,
Having more flakes on his boots then the cereal boxes together
He was a brick wall, for being himself was hard to endorse
No strokes of genius, behold convenience, par for the course
A mask, at last, a day he could become the darkness
In short,
A masquerade of deception that no one could argue with more
Still, no trick, no treating discharged his bland perception
Over life,
Its grand connection to the gloom & it's damn inception
So much thanks he could give, in such sarcastic nature
The hurt spread abroad, massive acres
Feeling trapped, enclosed, no maneuver, stratagem
A caged rat, disposed, to endure when battered in
For most, gifts would arrive in a celebration of family
Wrapped little beacons of love, jubilation in vanity
But for Tim E. nothing, zip, zero, zilch to admire
His marshmellow heart's at the end of a stick in a fire
Even the subsequent high jinks on the eve of rebirth
Provides grief & more hurt, feeling cheap with no worth
People of stature, the day they were born is often bigged
Waiting for the era that Presidents take a day off on his
No ruby dyed hearts sketched on cards from Valentines
It's absence ironically tipped any opposer on scale designs
The arctic emotions rivaled the icy temperature, climate
Which caused him to drink at local pubs, a refreshing environment
Pints of anything within reach, shots of whiskey, liquor
& every guzzle made the situation more risky quicker
Weeks sped by, soon a month of this inebriate bliss
Then all of a sudden, he sprung into action
Something caused this decadent season to shift
Easter visits & proves there's never an immediate fix
The sun shone on Memorial Day, a tribute to the recent pricks
Made in his life, but Finally!
Tim can rejoice in this luminous day
An exberant age of rockets, sparklers, beautiful rays
Of hope, the light at the end of the tunnel
Goes both ways,
a cycle,
again,
a rebuttal.

[Zen]

First off, I liked it but there were a few lines I would reword. For example, the second line of this you said, "romance or of love". And that works with keeping the syllable count together, but repeating "or of" kinda comes off as awkward to me. Maybe that's just my accent though.
As far as content goes, I loved the character development, but to be honest I didn't really feel anything towards the character. So by the end of this I just was a little dissatisfied.

Those are the negatives to me, but this showcased excellent rhyming ability and word usage. I've read some of your shit in the AOWL and enjoyed it. Sorry if I came off as a negative prick because that wasn't my intention. Keep writing man.

[dead man]

i liked how it ended and the beginning drew me in. middle part sort of drifted though. dope stuff man!

[Scripter]

I liked most of it but I agree with deadman I kinda got bored reading around the middle
It did have great flow and structure though.

[NYCSPITZ]

u would be even godlier w/ the feathered ink quill

[PancakeBrah]

This was good.

The beginning was well done and interesting and then throughout there were individual lines and little runs where you recaptured that. I enjoyed

"Glancing above,
The effortless motion, the dance of the doves
A feeling so deep, unmatched by romance or of love
Triangular crush, flocks soar in top form
Overcoming the odds, even if circumstances are tough
A time where leaves would plunge to the depths
A man wishing, transitions wont come to effect
His struggle with debt, mumbling under his breath
They can double the rent,
But change, is worth something most others forget "

The first half was stronger than the second but it was all good. From 'Glancing above' to 'circumstances are tough' not only described the picture but also had it in spirit by way of the almost stream of conscious descriptors.

"He was a brick wall, for being himself was hard to endorse
No strokes of genius, behold convenience, par for the course
A mask, at last, a day he could become the darkness
In short,
A masquerade of deception that no one could argue with more"

This was my favorite section. The flow and rhythm was pitch perfect and the sentiment you wanted to explain was painted well.

From 'Weeks sped by' to the end of the piece was also well written and put a nice bow on the idea.

I do think you went a little too long and it showed in some weaker sections like

"Hes tasted the poison, devoured its bitterness whole
That walk through the shadowy path's a miserable stroll
It never takes a minimal toll on his spiritual soul
Missing the ingredients to survive this unlivable cold "

where the rhymes were a bit bland or forced. I did like the first line of this section, though.

Overall a very enjoyable read.