Revenge anf Backstabbing

DMS · 08-11-2018, 12:20 PM

When the black sheep’s neglected and becomes the black knight on a white horse
When the black king’s taken by the white knights he used to fight for.
When you kill to climb up the ladder where the last rung snaps
And your dead enemies rise like they’re back from naps
Reversal of Grinch when there’s a back to stab
And the knives that cut our roast beast start to slash and jab
When the 3rd born let’s his mother drown
And kills the 2nd brother for the others crown
I’ve met so many Judas’s I don’t trust James and John
I’ve left so many Brutus’s in the flame’s and bronze
I try to pray to the hailed godly when I’m feeling blue
“In the name of the father, son and— to hell they’ll prob’ly kill me too.”
Half the parent killers are murdered by shanks of pathetic orphans
Every man who makes a black night, takes the mans life
Will face the headless horseman.

Hush · 08-11-2018, 03:05 PM

Triple the length and post it again

You may be into something here

Exis · 08-13-2018, 10:01 AM

Thought I'd drop some comments on a piece of yours before you 1-2 punch me in the face this week lol...

Really like your openin' bar...maybe not quite worded like that but yeah, dug it.

Hush is right...you need to flesh this out, I respect it's a draft & you probably wanted some sorta feed to see where you wanna take this from here...but the foundation is solid imo fam, this could (& should) be turned in2 some really mean ass topical.

But do you nigga...stay upwards.

Frankie the Machine · 08-13-2018, 10:34 AM

fuckin garbage loooool

2tripple0 · 08-17-2018, 03:36 PM

Crazy man

08-11-2018, 12:20 PM	#1
DMS DMS—Diddled My Stick Join Date: May 2018 Posts: 1,104 Rep Power: 0	Revenge anf Backstabbing Rough Draft When the black sheep’s neglected and becomes the black knight on a white horse When the black king’s taken by the white knights he used to fight for. When you kill to climb up the ladder where the last rung snaps And your dead enemies rise like they’re back from naps Reversal of Grinch when there’s a back to stab And the knives that cut our roast beast start to slash and jab When the 3rd born let’s his mother drown And kills the 2nd brother for the others crown I’ve met so many Judas’s I don’t trust James and John I’ve left so many Brutus’s in the flame’s and bronze I try to pray to the hailed godly when I’m feeling blue “In the name of the father, son and— to hell they’ll prob’ly kill me too.” Half the parent killers are murdered by shanks of pathetic orphans Every man who makes a black night, takes the mans life Will face the headless horseman. Last edited by DMS; 08-12-2018 at 12:09 AM.

08-11-2018, 03:05 PM	#2
Hush NJ Devil Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 12,042 Battle Record: Who Cares Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Rep Power: 84181417	Triple the length and post it again You may be into something here __________________ Bed stuy fly Bushwick sick East ny walk

08-17-2018, 03:36 PM	#5
2tripple0 death warmed over Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Downstairs illstreet dam Posts: 2,564 Battle Record: 6-21 Rep Power: 0	Crazy man __________________ https://soundcloud.com/user-876573949/ https://soundcloud.com/user-634430314/

08-13-2018, 10:01 AM	#3
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,938 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	Thought I'd drop some comments on a piece of yours before you 1-2 punch me in the face this week lol... Really like your openin' bar...maybe not quite worded like that but yeah, dug it. Hush is right...you need to flesh this out, I respect it's a draft & you probably wanted some sorta feed to see where you wanna take this from here...but the foundation is solid imo fam, this could (& should) be turned in2 some really mean ass topical. But do you nigga...stay upwards.

08-13-2018, 10:34 AM	#4
Frankie the Machine Member Join Date: Jul 2018 Posts: 39 Rep Power: 7682508	fuckin garbage loooool