08-08-2018, 01:49 AM | #1 |
living
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,465
Battle Record: 33-18
Accomplishments - Hall of Fame
Champed - AOWL Season 1
- Art of Writing League
- AOWL Season 4
- Write Week V
- GWL Season 1
Rep Power: 77606676 |
wait
let's sit
down at the table. breadknife carve us a piece talk to me, honestly like we could have ideally coffee carafe pouring softly, tar-black, raw sugar stevia heartache paraphernalia, now this is feeling familiar moths in our teeth. wasps underneath. honey, be safe one foot in the grave, another wanting to wait lemonwater and grapes. Marty McMaraschinos with shakes driving-thru Susie's, in Chevy Sonics we ate in sheer wonder. heater blasting windows open a crack so we can smoke and laugh and gauge each other's reactions etched dressers in x-acto in an act of defiance CD drives, album booklet lyrics stereo wires crossed paths configure lives - there's a novelty line with a million-plus dilemmas out there common as mine calming storms, bending iron into copper and diamond filter melancholia and call it a rhyme agnostic in his apathy for thoughtful design i'm carbon and wine. a bloodbag marked for retirement godless swine. propaganda artist markerboard signage faux-revolutionary marching in silence. alone at last episodic memory blink bulb and a flash i only hope it lasts. it's all moving too fast wait. look i'm just a space cadet who's craving direction i'd tie my own strings to be your marionette i've been carrying burdens we've never really addressed burying my deathwish under daily dependence there's gotta be an exit here i'm already bored i'll wait until you tell me you're gone thanks
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Zack Wicks for president |
08-08-2018, 08:53 PM | #2 |
SOBER
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 13,052
Battle Record: 2-5
Champed - AOWL Season 2
Rep Power: 85899406 |
More nostalgia, or at least about older nostalgia, than usual and all the better for it. Dilemma and marionette lines were the best but it's all good.
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If I ventured in the slipstream Between the viaducts of your dreams Where immobil steel rims crack And the ditch in the back road stop Could you find me? |
08-14-2018, 11:24 AM | #3 | ||
obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,716
Battle Record: Faggot-1
Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2
Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek
Rep Power: 8599678 |
all is well.
Quote:
i like this here. it's very in depth and straight to the point where, it's relatable, commonplace enough for anyone to take certain meaning. Quote:
qualm would be addressing the atypical ending. you're gone, and poof. the story ends, the poetry ends, everything ends on a cliche ending. while it's a great part of the piece, it still has that nagging common effect, where i think it doesn't have its utmost potential. the space cadet comparison is very real and intense. it's probably the first time where you weren't atleast slightly cryptic while also having a sense of self deprecation and awareness. the sacrifice. i think in moments like these, that the writing and emotion is at its rawest. raw meaning, no filter for it to go through. it feels realer. enjoyable. thanks |
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