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Old 05-05-2019, 07:50 AM   #1
Cereal
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Default Adonis 0-1 vs Brokenhal0 0-1 (open for votes)

Adonis:

Starchild: The Story of Man

During the time before time, Earth was teaming with life
Both water and dirt, animals and vegetation alike
Gods roamed the lands, playful Children of innocence
No malicious intent, living for centuries, civil as civil gets
Their powers unimaginable, molding a world filled with peace
A perfect circle, water feeds tree, tree produces air that they breathe
But bordem crept in, they wanted new conversations for fun
Ones with beings who didn't know ALL, so they created a son
Man was a dog, DNA mixed with their own, a toy to pass time
But man grew like a plague, eventually outnumbering Gods
War ensued and we fought, but time and time again we all lost
With each defeat the children vowed to not end us that way
They'd kill and rebuild, hoping to perfect the subjets they made
Killed once each by fire, air and the sea, but never repeat
Until the day they ran out of ways to end their disease
Eventually man lived by the millions, and the children allowed it
Now the roles have reversed...
They worship our freedom of choice, even though that choice is so callous.






@Adonis
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Old 05-05-2019, 07:51 AM   #2
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Default

Brokenhal0:

Kunoichi freaky deaky she assassinate with the pu neasy
believe me she blows up my phone just to tease me
carrys a sword and does wall graffiti taggin her genie
on your 3d tv
believe me kid take it easy with a easy bitch
things can get awful cheesy
she grew beastly and caught the measles
i walked a camel threw a threaded needle
to feed her in bed ginger bread and peasoup
pet tosa inu in japan this breeds fighting diesel
exciting people spreading eagle i got a needle neck
casino mastino set
correct your steelo
but that aint no evil pet
cujo with them illegal bets
two daggers never seem so blessed
when she rock the see threw dress
pink thong with no bra on dragon tattoo
her assclapping sounding like a car bomb
thats blowing you out your seat
showing you that you weak
your mind controlled by lilith's while you sleep
shes my little bo peep with a bo staff
her attitude nastier then a dog that licks it's own ass
i crack a smile cause i know it wont last....


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Old 05-07-2019, 08:15 PM   #3
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Default

Adonis:

the plague of man and the de-evolution of it done with a very subtle and pretty tone, I like the fact that you actually gave man a choice, an option in life with direction to path their path into their own evolution.. wording was cool in this piece structure within flow was a bit looser then yall usual pieces ie end rhymes more open but sill came off clean.. all in all a cool piece..

broken:
lol, I love the rhyme structure you used on this imo you blew it out the water very original and up beat even poppy of sorts.. word use was fire you def were juggling with them directing great imagery.. as far as story a lil loose even though it was complete to me imo I think you stretch depiction of the character rather then the progession of her.. still dope all in all..

vote - Adonis

this was so close, both brought heat g/l guys
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Old 05-09-2019, 05:29 AM   #4
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Adonis: I quite liked this take, actually, it had a little of everything and I found the take mixing up Gods and Man living together at one point in the past etc to be well done. You presented it well. I especially liked this couplet:

Quote:
Gods roamed the lands, playful Children of innocence
No malicious intent, living for centuries, civil as civil gets
I see you trying to get more technically proficient and stepping your game up. It was noticeable and done well.

The closing lines didn't rhyme for me, maybe it's an accent thing, but it wasn't a huge factor and overall I think you did a solid job here and this is one of the more enjoyable pieces I've read from you in truth. It feels the most "complete". It had a clear and definite 'route' it wanted to take and you definitely delivered on that front.

Brokenhal0: I did enjoy this one, as I often do with yours, I enjoyed the Japanese references a lot. I notice you used some sexual references again this week, "assclapping" which I found again took me a little out of the tone of the rest of the piece in truth - similar to what I'd noted last weeks I believe? You definitely had a more technically proficient verse, in my opinion, in terms of you carrying over the multi strings and whatnot and generally having that naturalistic flow in the broken-down-bar format that you bring to the table. It's almost effortless, whether people think that's a good or bad thing is up to them, but personally I enjoyed it. The train of thought quality it has brought up some interesting ideas and descriptions at points. I feel like you had a lot of snippets in here, without a clarity as to the direction you wanted to take this joint in, so when comparing it to something like we had from Adonis this week - the more direct, straightforward, less abstract of the two - Adonis' verse is the more palpable. It has more in the way of direction and execution that I, personally, prefer.

I'm going with Adonis this week.

Last edited by Diablo; 05-09-2019 at 09:49 AM.
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Old 05-09-2019, 09:22 AM   #5
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oooh this battle was sick. adonis had a sick edge with the story line, finish was on point. definitely a different take on the struggle. i thought broken halos verse was badass in a few different ways but it's shine was more punch, came at you rather than bringing you along with. i think halo had the more raw approach with this battle, to be honest i felt both almost equally but i was a little more impressed by adonis because his piece showed new light to a topic many people haven't yet pondered. halos swag piece was sick but didn't quite have the clean finish of adonis. nice battle.

mvgt adonis
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Old 05-10-2019, 12:23 AM   #6
King Ra.
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@Adonis: my man. You know this kinda stuff is right up my alley right? Loved the flow of this piece. Smooth, precise. You strung simple words together to create a beautiful imagery & descriptions of the hands of Gods molding their creation only to watch the ones they create bring destruction and madness upon themselves while going to war against their Creators. Very consistent from start to finish. The flow did kind of trip up a bit towards the end but nothing detrimental.

@brokenhal0: I love the swagger of your piece. Where Adonis was very intricate & precise, you were deliberate & free flowing. Your piece reminds me of one I wrote some years ago (Exit The Ice Cream Queens- you should check it out). Has that Wu Tang kinda vibe as you read it. I definitely would have liked a more in-depth look of how your character kicks ass, you know some kinda action sequence thrown in there. Nonetheless I liked the direction you took. It wasn't cleanly written as your opponent but definitely feeling the route you took.


It twas a good read from both of you. I liked the different directions you both took & honestly you couldn't go wrong with whatever preference you feeling here. MVGT: Adonis. Halo IMO was more creative in the direction he took, which was dope to read. I feel Adonis overall did a solid job especially with the consistency of his story and smooth writing.

Great job by both competitors.
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Old 05-10-2019, 03:10 AM   #7
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winner adonis
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