07-13-2013, 01:00 AM | #1 |
Razor-thin derision
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,422
Battle Record: 40-25
Accomplishments - OM HOF
Champed - Fight Night LIV
- Gimmick Battle League (2x)
- Write Week II
- Art of Writing League
- Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament
- STI
- Haiku Writer Challenge
- GWL Picture Challenge(2x)
Rep Power: 49604316 |
A Portait of Sri Lanka
I’m unsteady, the bloodletting is tongue stretching Picture a slum setting, unkempt with a rough heading Tribes get involved, when nature, with its rises and falls Entices us all to question life and its inviolate call Sometimes even the sun catches the horizon off guard Illuminating the land - all the mountains, pines & bazaars Legends state, that trees grow broader in a wretched place much like cells strengthen when ensconcing in the reddish fray The warmth of the ground is a meditative magma, in essence, fate each tectonic shift leaves a messy plate; appetite makes us levitate The life substance of any given creation is a curious fluid he stands in a burgundy tunic, earthly attunement is a purity movement While many would jump at the chance of omnipotence... Some prefer to be human. undeterred by the units perverted, deluded. Copernicus knew it Persian, Peruvian or Nubian, in search of the wooly men Are we truly men who are on the verge of being usurped of our nutrients? because while new sequences emerge from the petri dish of our lineage The growth of our history rarely deviates from traditional compendiums Everyone has plants to water, children to feed embryos supplant a larger mural to heed symbiotic relationships foster fertile proceeds for foster parents to adopt a pharyngeal surgical league to cut out all of our bad intentions so we can cure The Disease It’s the workings of Me, You, the sperm’s eternal dirge of the sea What are ethnicities? Are they real cities with a mayor and such? truthfully, are we dunking the ball or just laying it up? Are we under the sprawl of a decaying, corrupt age of distrust, scraping the clutches, raping a mother who simply claimed it enough? Do we show compassion or are we just following moral restraints I’m convinced that Right and Wrong are dead planets, orbiting Faith Some pray to God, others prey on others as the “lords” of their race while being elitist only means one thing: priorities are sorely misplaced Writer’s Block is a biological weapon set against us apes for bible scholars, vying authors - selected strains to alter our genetic traits Science fosters collective drainage of innovation, meant to resonate flesh is clay, imprisoned in Section 8, nocturnal insects definitely relate If you’re feeling implored, take a trek with the spiritual Moor Man walks on two limbs yet it’s his brain he mostly needs agility for Some rest under sycamores sipping Coors from society’s umbilical cord others weave tangerine sun sonatas in the shadows; the ceilings of lore Some cash in their schillings of war, only feeling the symptoms after our achilles heel hooks us with wisdom only inherent in jiu-jitsu masters Last edited by Vulgar; 04-04-2020 at 10:38 PM. |
07-13-2013, 01:13 AM | #2 |
SYRACUSE
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,033
Battle Record: 31-37
Champed - Write Night II
- Alias Topical Tournament
Rep Power: 4743543 |
to be real this is one of my fav pieces from you ever. Good job young jedi...and lol it's interesting to see how your recent readings of OM pieces slightly influenced some word choices here. This topic is ill as fuck and I thought your imagery, wordplay and the vibe you gave the shit was dope. Not as much multi/vocab flexing as you usually put out and I felt it catered to your strengths. You were more focused on the topic here than with the vast majority of other pieces you drop.
Lots of quotables, a quick scan produces: Do we show compassion or are we just following moral restraints I’m convinced that Right and Wrong are dead planets, orbiting Faith The whole intro segment was captivating and well crafted. And the way you ended was just deadly. Good shit nigga. Yeah I just re-read it (which I almost never do with OMS) and basically the whole thing is flames. Props. |
07-13-2013, 01:36 AM | #3 |
SOBER
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 13,052
Battle Record: 2-5
Champed - AOWL Season 2
Rep Power: 85899406 |
the opening is ridiculous. as in, i could write a paragraph or two on it's relation to your talent. im drunk right now, ill drop proper feed tomorrow. pinky promises.
__________________
If I ventured in the slipstream Between the viaducts of your dreams Where immobil steel rims crack And the ditch in the back road stop Could you find me? |
07-13-2013, 04:30 AM | #4 | |
Don't believe the hype
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 572
Battle Record: 4-5
Rep Power: 0 |
Really enjoyed the ending and the opening....this felt like it was written after long breaks and in 3 segments...you seemed to tackle many themes under the sun which gave this a ambiguous nature. Though full of worthy thoughts, I sense three directions in this...the opening...and the body between that and what I have quoted. Brilliant snippets and lines truly in this...this was a great effort and a very solid read.
Quote:
peace.
__________________
What is public must be legit, fit for average consumption, don't forget. What is private is handled by pirates, prying loose profits from prosthetics. To tell the difference between: first remain unseen with a steady breath and hope, then listen to the cracks in the wall with a stethoscope. |
|
07-13-2013, 09:34 AM | #5 | |||||
living
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,465
Battle Record: 33-18
Accomplishments - Hall of Fame
Champed - AOWL Season 1
- Art of Writing League
- AOWL Season 4
- Write Week V
- GWL Season 1
Rep Power: 77606676 |
i love when you hit these strides and write like 4 pieces in a week.
Quote:
i feel envious, well, not so much envy, but inspiration at your apparent ability to see a picture and springboard an entire ***ophony of imaginative scenery and visual stimuli from that snapshot. it's a writing practice we have had much time to hone over the years, what with picture topics in leagues and simply idle time to express. Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
i think you finished out well enough with some dagger like rhythmic exercises. Quote:
i hope to see you continue performing at this artistic level and at this pace, alas i know it's difficult to maintain.. either way, you know what it is thanks man.
__________________
Zack Wicks for president |
|||||
07-13-2013, 01:54 PM | #6 |
Razor-thin derision
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,422
Battle Record: 40-25
Accomplishments - OM HOF
Champed - Fight Night LIV
- Gimmick Battle League (2x)
- Write Week II
- Art of Writing League
- Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament
- STI
- Haiku Writer Challenge
- GWL Picture Challenge(2x)
Rep Power: 49604316 |
NYC, thanks g.
Pan, thanks.. *accepts your pinky* Coup, you are right about the three directions. I couldn't decide what the "point" was for the verse so I floundered between being conceptual and just general humanity stuff. Thanks for the feedback. dead man, I hope to keep performing as well - thank you for the thoughts. Good call with "omnipotence" I just changed it. Impotence definitely wasn't the appropriate word. |
07-14-2013, 02:22 AM | #7 |
Robin Williams of Fallen Victims
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,502
Battle Record: 25-11
Accomplishments - NC Hall of Fame
Champed - Netcees Writers League (2x)
- NWL Season 1
- Write Night I
- Art of Writing League (2x)
- Write Week IV
Rep Power: 6862272 |
This was amazing. The opening half was bananas from all standpoints. Ive got not much to say except exceptional work
|
07-14-2013, 09:27 AM | #8 |
White Earl
|
@pohfig
When you gonna start gracing my OM with illness? Hoping it happens Would love to get these OM write nights jumping off. Which come with accomps btw Sry for the free post @Vulgar Will def break this down later after I drop my daughter off.
__________________
-A.bove T.he R.est |
07-15-2013, 10:20 AM | #9 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 148
Battle Record: 1-3
Rep Power: 34 |
this is very impressive, Vulg. Elite level shit. I'll be back for a more thorough feed.
|
07-15-2013, 09:21 PM | #10 |
White Earl
|
Phewwwwwww. Goddamn vulgar. You destroyed the visuals in this piece verry vivid words.
Weell done man. This was nuts all the way through. Fuck
__________________
-A.bove T.he R.est |
07-15-2013, 11:19 PM | #11 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 125
Battle Record: 5-0
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 2645336 |
I've read better, but I guess people took a liking to this one.
|
07-17-2013, 09:14 PM | #12 |
Razor-thin derision
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,422
Battle Record: 40-25
Accomplishments - OM HOF
Champed - Fight Night LIV
- Gimmick Battle League (2x)
- Write Week II
- Art of Writing League
- Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament
- STI
- Haiku Writer Challenge
- GWL Picture Challenge(2x)
Rep Power: 49604316 |
Thanks yaw.
|
07-17-2013, 10:25 PM | #13 |
Leave you flatlined.
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 5,110
Battle Record: 12-9
Champed - Site Diss 2013
- Tag Team Tournament III
Rep Power: 0 |
Sometimes even the sun catches the horizon off guard
Illuminating the land - all the mountains, pines & bazaars the sun catches the horizon off guard, wow.. so even nature is half sleep when the sun comes The warmth of the ground is a meditative magma, in essence, fate each tectonic shift leaves a messy plate; appetite makes us levitate WOW... that's wordplay, tectonic plates.. appetite makes us levitate I take that to mean we hungry for the quest of knowledge of what's in the air.. why we build planes and rockets he stands in a burgundy tunic, earthly attunement is a purity movement describing the garb of the man in the pic the multis are sick The vocab in this piece is great, this flows well, its a nice topic. I think its tough because you may have tried to get overly creative and overly write towards the middle and end instead of letting it just be natural. The opening set such a standard for the rest of the verse that if you aren't as pinpoint accurate following through one starts to notice. Good piece though
__________________
[B][CENTER][SIZE="5"] It's Aero join me at RAPBATTLES[/SIZE][/CENTER][/B] |
08-26-2013, 01:03 AM | #14 |
Mad fucking dangerous.
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 12,072
Battle Record: 40-19
Champed - AOWL Season 3
- Art of Writing League (2x)
Rep Power: 85899402 |
@Genocide, @PancakeBrah or @Meth, this needs to be moved, right?
Anyway, I wanted to go back and read this verse. It's excellent, a bit stripped down compared to your normal writing, but in a good way.
__________________
I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws. |
09-30-2013, 05:06 AM | #15 |
‹^›ô¿ô‹^›
|
I’m convinced that Right and Wrong are dead planets, orbiting Faith
I'm convinced I shouldn't let your aptitude stop me from writing. I'll just keep repeating that to myself, when I cry myself to sleep.. wishing I could write as dope as vulgar. |
07-22-2014, 02:45 AM | #16 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,008
Battle Record: 23-10
Champed - Art of Writing League
- AOWL Season 5
Rep Power: 23856375 |
This was very well done. My favorite lines are:
I’m unsteady, the bloodletting is tongue stretching The warmth of the ground is a meditative magma, in essence, fate Are we truly men who are on the verge of being usurped of our nutrients? because while new sequences emerge from the petri dish of our lineage The growth of our history rarely deviates from traditional compendiums Writer’s Block is a biological weapon set against us apes for bible scholars, vying authors - selected strains to alter our genetic traits Some rest under sycamores sipping Coors from society’s umbilical cord others weave tangerine sun sonatas in the shadows; the ceilings of lore Some cash in their schillings of war, only feeling the symptoms after our achilles heel hooks us with wisdom only inherent in jiu-jitsu masters. This lines have excellent schemes, and the content is riveting. The images conveyed through the whole piece are quite heart pumping, a truly electrifying read. |
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|