WEEK THREE: CANDY 0-2 vs ARTIFICE 0-0 CANDY WINS VIA NS

Adverse · 11-25-2020, 04:00 AM

AOWL Season IX

Verse Due: Tuesday December 1st @ 11:59PM EST

Line min: 10

Max: 50

Rules:http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=145451[/b]

Topic:

Good luck!

Candy · 11-25-2020, 04:20 AM

chuck chuck chucked

Candy · 11-28-2020, 05:19 AM

The Scribble That Flat-Lined

At first.. I thought it was normal, this fall into a coma
Sentenced to understand my period, the life of a loner
Odd it seemed, smearing to what is generally crystal clear
A plot for the one pea brain that's never been there
But I kept on point in linear narratives hyper real
Manic with the cypher still, a type cast of biting healed
Sold a virgin by the missing period bleeding sane
In sanity by vain too vein to straighten name
Blood transfusions through my finger tips by the print taste
In leisure with missing pigments of shade when I ink out the pain
They call it art - water boarding my pen filled with petrol
Pitter patters dribble on scribbles I leave at the fist full
The deeper I got the more fluid based I related to scent
As the line contorts into a soundwave debating all men
Sat at this projective mess and told that read is red
Dead like its holstered thought ahead now lead too far bred
What does this all mean.. if I was to go by ear I would have
In a soft relation about one girl missing her dad
It turns out the power of pressure is killing my head
I'll guess i'll take the no out of period in pen
look to the stars and hope for the best.. as each breath dies
In my tangerine eyes the pencil leaves
Soon followed by
..my nose in the sky

Artifice · 11-29-2020, 08:25 AM

check... my bad, i'll try and post something tonight

Adverse · 11-29-2020, 06:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Artifice

check... my bad, i'll try and post something tonight

Verses ain’t due till Tuesday fam so take your time

Universe · 12-02-2020, 04:10 PM

"At first.. I thought it was normal, this fall into a coma
Sentenced to understand my period, the life of a loner
Odd it seemed, smearing to what is generally crystal clear
A plot for the one pea brain that's never been there"

^^Where did this come from, Candy? I loved this opening section. I read it like "damn, Candy is going IN"... then alas you kind of fell victim to yourself and your forced wording again lol.

But man, big improvement here this week.

Shame about Artifice... Was looking forward to reading his take on this... Oh well.

Enjoy the W, Candyman. Write your entire verse like those first couple bars next week.

Concrete · 12-02-2020, 04:23 PM

Gotta agree with Mr Universe over here, every contribution you make here show loads of potential. You got the dopest use of vocab and there's some clever bars, yet the pieces as a whole seems sorta unfinished and lacking direction, perhaps try a full story next time. I notice you drop your verses pretty quicly in comparison to the rest here. If you just chill, take your time and have fun refining your texts I honestly think you could give everyone here trouble. At any rate, it's a decent verse.

11-25-2020, 04:00 AM	#1
Adverse low tide in serotonin bay Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 2,739 Battle Record: 37-28 Champed - GWL Picture Challenge - Guerrilla Writing League - Black August II Rep Power: 15446142	WEEK THREE: CANDY 0-2 vs ARTIFICE 0-0 CANDY WINS VIA NS AOWL Season IX Verse Due: Tuesday December 1st @ 11:59PM EST Line min: 10 Max: 50 Rules:http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=145451[/b] Topic: Good luck!

11-25-2020, 04:20 AM	#2
Candy Sell Her Join Date: Feb 2018 Posts: 986 Battle Record: 1-3 Rep Power: 5082452	chuck chuck chucked __________________ curious más curioso y más curioso Last edited by Candy; 11-29-2020 at 11:23 PM.

11-28-2020, 05:19 AM	#3
Candy Sell Her Join Date: Feb 2018 Posts: 986 Battle Record: 1-3 Rep Power: 5082452	The Scribble That Flat-Lined At first.. I thought it was normal, this fall into a coma Sentenced to understand my period, the life of a loner Odd it seemed, smearing to what is generally crystal clear A plot for the one pea brain that's never been there But I kept on point in linear narratives hyper real Manic with the cypher still, a type cast of biting healed Sold a virgin by the missing period bleeding sane In sanity by vain too vein to straighten name Blood transfusions through my finger tips by the print taste In leisure with missing pigments of shade when I ink out the pain They call it art - water boarding my pen filled with petrol Pitter patters dribble on scribbles I leave at the fist full The deeper I got the more fluid based I related to scent As the line contorts into a soundwave debating all men Sat at this projective mess and told that read is red Dead like its holstered thought ahead now lead too far bred What does this all mean.. if I was to go by ear I would have In a soft relation about one girl missing her dad It turns out the power of pressure is killing my head I'll guess i'll take the no out of period in pen look to the stars and hope for the best.. as each breath dies In my tangerine eyes the pencil leaves Soon followed by ..my nose in the sky __________________ curious más curioso y más curioso Last edited by Candy; 11-29-2020 at 11:29 PM.

12-02-2020, 04:10 PM	#6
Universe Everything's Connected Join Date: Nov 2017 Location: Niagara Falls, Canada Posts: 999 Battle Record: 19-8 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League(2x) - GWL Picture challenge(2x) - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 10178702	"At first.. I thought it was normal, this fall into a coma Sentenced to understand my period, the life of a loner Odd it seemed, smearing to what is generally crystal clear A plot for the one pea brain that's never been there" ^^Where did this come from, Candy? I loved this opening section. I read it like "damn, Candy is going IN"... then alas you kind of fell victim to yourself and your forced wording again lol. But man, big improvement here this week. Shame about Artifice... Was looking forward to reading his take on this... Oh well. Enjoy the W, Candyman. Write your entire verse like those first couple bars next week. __________________ ..Passed the Present and Future..

11-29-2020, 08:25 AM	#4
Artifice Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2016 Posts: 269 Battle Record: 17-9 Champed - Art Of Writing League - GWL Picture Challenge Rep Power: 3944945	check... my bad, i'll try and post something tonight

12-02-2020, 04:23 PM	#7
Concrete Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2013 Location: Oslo Posts: 179 Battle Record: 5-0 Rep Power: 2158975	Gotta agree with Mr Universe over here, every contribution you make here show loads of potential. You got the dopest use of vocab and there's some clever bars, yet the pieces as a whole seems sorta unfinished and lacking direction, perhaps try a full story next time. I notice you drop your verses pretty quicly in comparison to the rest here. If you just chill, take your time and have fun refining your texts I honestly think you could give everyone here trouble. At any rate, it's a decent verse.