Netcees  

Go Back   Netcees > Forum > Open Mic Section

User Tag List

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 02-14-2020, 06:46 AM   #1
Objective
( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)
 
Objective's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,783
Battle Record: 17-32



Rep Power: 52474189
Objective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant future
Default State of Emergency

Father of tone's raising voices,
a pearl in the rough among auto-tune oysters.
Imbed this gen, poke a man with corpses, Ash is dead,
fuck these faceless droids with dreads if robo fashion spreads.
Baseless noise diagnosed with annoying voice but no tourettes,
who cares what you say, or who's next to US army's vets?
Tell me to mark it 0 and I mark it red,
get sued to play or sample getting scarred instead.
Tattoo artists carving scriptures with henna mixtures,
go on tour to kill Enna listeners, fuck your taste and pictures.
Guess I'm gettin old with age,
sold to fade and countin days while I devour hours
with bitter, sours, drinkin liquor with gs and cowards.
These keys are ours, rich in style with easel powers
to give these streets a hard on,
big ups to boomers hatin weasel stardom.
Vikings with plastic helmets has their asses hellbent
on fantasized violence to help em pass and sell it.
Bottled trends with shifting friends' ain't lasting plans,
just ask and laugh cus task at hand is masking brands.
Just change your stance, make it great and part the strands,
say it stands for something like your honest rotting concepts
that'll crumble under pressure like modern artisans plotting projects.
Televised culture for cash grab vultures is scary potent,
but there's nothing on yet.
Shit,
who needs some eerie content?
__________________
I'm not a slave for entertainment, I'm entertainments personal slave,
So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave.


www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8ozGcGJ6o
Objective is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-14-2020, 12:25 PM   #2
Exis
............
 
Exis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,938
Battle Record: 3-3



Rep Power: 0
Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis
Default

Firstly, thanks for the feed on my joint with Cereal...Secondly it's hard to critique a piece when everyone thinks I'm shit lol.

I thought your first bar was nice...

"Baseless noise diagnosed with annoying voice but no tourettes,"

^^As was that...

The rest is solid so props, liked the imagery & meta's but yeah sometimes I think your word usage threw me off & seriously took me away from what was quite a well flowin' piece...That probably made no sense fam.

It was good, just wanted cleaner (not more complex) vocab bro...Stay upwards.
Exis is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-14-2020, 10:12 PM   #3
Master Rock
Steadily Lurking
 
Master Rock's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Beyond your reach
Posts: 1,327
Battle Record: 7-7


Champed
- Netcees Writers League

Rep Power: 5599637
Master Rock has a brilliant futureMaster Rock has a brilliant futureMaster Rock has a brilliant futureMaster Rock has a brilliant futureMaster Rock has a brilliant futureMaster Rock has a brilliant futureMaster Rock has a brilliant futureMaster Rock has a brilliant futureMaster Rock has a brilliant futureMaster Rock has a brilliant futureMaster Rock has a brilliant future
Default

Bro...bro...what an objective brother! Digging ur formula..props on the recipe...keep cooking.
__________________

https://www.instagram.com/master_rock1/
https://www.youtube.com/graphicalmindz
Master Rock is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-15-2020, 12:50 AM   #4
Objective
( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)
 
Objective's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,783
Battle Record: 17-32



Rep Power: 52474189
Objective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant future
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Exis View Post
Firstly, thanks for the feed on my joint with Cereal...Secondly it's hard to critique a piece when everyone thinks I'm shit lol.
Dude, I don't think anyone thinks you're shit. You got pretty good shit, people who are more experienced are pushing you to do even better tho. That's the culture of NCs, give cred but never be too satisfied/comfortable, always strive for perfection. Your words and feedback is valuable cus you represent a lot of people that may share the exact same thoughts, and it's up to me to figure out what I think is poignant to me. Either way, thought out feed is always appreciated regardless who it's coming from.
Plus, it's always easier to read shit from an outside perspective too, see mistakes and where stuff can be improved. When I first got involved with topicals etc. here I got destroyed but I put time and effort into my votes, I think I even made a verse at one point as my vote explaining it all, lol. People enjoyed my votes, got props and rep for them despite me being way worse. Outside perspective can open eyes, you may see something others don't etc.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Exis View Post
sometimes I think your word usage threw me off & seriously took me away from what was quite a well flowin' piece...That probably made no sense fam.

It was good, just wanted cleaner (not more complex) vocab bro...Stay upwards.
That's fair, and thanks for the cred. Cool that you enjoyed it and thanks for the read, appreciate the words from you as well @Master Rock. I can see how a cleaner vocab or wording in general could give it a lift here and there. Thanks for the feed.
__________________
I'm not a slave for entertainment, I'm entertainments personal slave,
So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave.


www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8ozGcGJ6o
Objective is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-15-2020, 01:33 AM   #5
Exis
............
 
Exis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,938
Battle Record: 3-3



Rep Power: 0
Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis
Default

Your so welcome fam, I think your pieces are nice...Was just bein' honest @ fa real didn't mean to be disrespectful in any way...I'll always feed joints from you.
Exis is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-15-2020, 10:36 PM   #6
Adverse
low tide in serotonin bay
 
Adverse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,737
Battle Record: 37-28


Champed
- GWL Picture Challenge
- Guerrilla Writing League
- Black August II

Rep Power: 15446142
Adverse has a brilliant futureAdverse has a brilliant futureAdverse has a brilliant futureAdverse has a brilliant futureAdverse has a brilliant futureAdverse has a brilliant futureAdverse has a brilliant futureAdverse has a brilliant futureAdverse has a brilliant futureAdverse has a brilliant futureAdverse has a brilliant future
Default

I love your vocabulary first and foremost, you keep my mind on its toes, whereas I expect you to say one thing and you completely uppercut me with a different word. It’s dope and I like the way your piece started off, I read it as almost slam poetry, like there was a lot of emphasis on the ending of bars. I also enjoyed how it was super chaotic but still felt grounded thematically. Dope work sir
Adverse is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-19-2020, 10:11 AM   #7
Universe
Everything's Connected
 
Universe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Niagara Falls, Canada
Posts: 999
Battle Record: 19-8


Champed
- Guerrilla Writing League(2x)
- GWL Picture challenge(2x)
- Art of Writing League

Rep Power: 10178702
Universe has a brilliant futureUniverse has a brilliant futureUniverse has a brilliant futureUniverse has a brilliant futureUniverse has a brilliant futureUniverse has a brilliant futureUniverse has a brilliant futureUniverse has a brilliant futureUniverse has a brilliant futureUniverse has a brilliant futureUniverse has a brilliant future
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Objective View Post
say it stands for something like your honest rotting concepts
that'll crumble under pressure like modern artisans plotting projects.
Televised culture for cash grab vultures is scary potent,
but there's nothing on yet.
Shit,
who needs some eerie content?
Sick. This forum needs some eerie content for sure. ANY content actually lol. Keep it coming.
__________________
..Passed the Present and Future..
Universe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2020, 08:21 PM   #8
slecht
Twitter: @ricanjq
 
slecht's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 582
Battle Record: 4-12


Champed
- 1-2 Punch league

Rep Power: 2236279
slecht has a brilliant futureslecht has a brilliant futureslecht has a brilliant futureslecht has a brilliant futureslecht has a brilliant futureslecht has a brilliant futureslecht has a brilliant futureslecht has a brilliant futureslecht has a brilliant futureslecht has a brilliant futureslecht has a brilliant future
Default

just ask and laugh cus task at hand is masking brands.
Just change your stance, make it great and part the strands,
say it stands for something like your honest rotting concepts
that'll crumble under pressure like modern artisans plotting project
slecht is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:17 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2024 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Google+