07-19-2015, 09:06 AM | #1 |
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Silence
Usually,
Silence is the loudest thing in a quiet room. But I guess under this moon, even the silence didn't want to intervene. The grass wouldn't whisper the grounds secrets. The wind wouldn't whistle loud enough to mean it, no, tonight, even sound couldn't come between us. Or is it day? All I know is passionate finally found it's new language in the things we never had to say. I speak with my eyes too wise to let words escape my lips, too unwilling to discontent our bliss. Too much of a risk, so we let, the tips, of our fingers do the talking. No cliches about love, just, creating its essence in the energy of locked eyes, and the way you make me blush. No need to explain, the rain is enlightening enough. Telling us how, the sun still don't trust the stars, and, it's been but hard, the moon never cared too much for art, and that's why the tides turn to keep them apart. It's the saddest song I ever heard, the soft pitter patter. A fairytale telling of the reality that caused an eternal rift in the universe. Rumors, spread through the clouds of how, it could have been us, too beautiful to ever cling to each other, so we create this silent song to sing to each other, by creating love at dawn. We, were never meant to be, but, here we are. The sun was never meant to touch the moon, the sun, never needed it, but even during an eclipse, the moon shelters the sun, if only just a moment the moon gets its shine, and it's too beautiful to really look at. |
07-19-2015, 02:19 PM | #2 |
living
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you are quickly becoming one of my favorites to read here.
i'm sorry i haven't had the time or energy to expound but i just wanted you to know that. i'll try to give you some feedback worth its salt at some point soon. No cliches about love, just, creating its essence in the energy of locked eyes, and the way you make me blush. No need to explain, the rain is enlightening enough. there was a night by the lakeshore earlier this week you brought me back to with these lines. really great. thank you.
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Zack Wicks for president Last edited by dead man; 07-19-2015 at 02:26 PM. |
07-19-2015, 10:07 PM | #3 |
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Thank you darling. :) I appreciate your feedback.
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07-20-2015, 10:46 AM | #4 |
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You are very creative writer, full of cute personals.
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07-20-2015, 05:04 PM | #5 |
obsessed
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didn't like this. sucked thx Gina
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07-25-2015, 09:17 PM | #7 |
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The content and the way that it's set up made me think that this was a verse that I wrote and forgot about. I love it. Keep writing.
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07-27-2015, 04:51 AM | #8 |
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Deadman quoted the cliche line already but that's what stuck out for me too. The overall tone of this piece strings you along, it was kinda cool and a little different than what I'm used to seeing here. Thank you
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07-29-2015, 02:36 PM | #9 |
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He listens to voices inside of his mind
Explicit and poisonous violent crime. |
07-29-2015, 05:47 PM | #11 |
rhyme capsule.
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coralissia was a user here a while ago who didn't survive the nc hazing after a weird episode with that guy called righter, 'fice and some dead, shortlived site i forgot the name of.
probably her. might explain the angst. she wrote quite well. |
08-05-2015, 10:07 PM | #12 |
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Or is it day? All I know is passionate finally found it's new language in the things we never had to say.
I speak with my eyes too wise to let words escape my lips, too unwilling to discontent our bliss. Too much of a risk, so we let, the tips, of our fingers do the talking. you're already good at imagery, and encapsulating emotion and syllabic structure, and all that. Thus I would like to see more of what I quoted above. And I'm referring to the structure not talking about the content. lol that sounds pretty grandiose "I would like to see.." but you know what i mean. i think. i'm one to speak, frankly I should(and will at one point)try my hand at these kinds of works.. you know, like this one which Zen wrote and then forgot about. lol |
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bb a failed writer, big baby sucks thx, gonna diss him in a tag, wow bb so evil wow |
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