05-12-2014, 04:03 AM | #1 |
Mad fucking dangerous.
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Week 12: 15. Certain (2-3) vs. 16. Vulgar (4-3) \\ Vulgar wins 6-0
Season 3 The Basics | Read the full rules here. Verses are due Friday at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS. Votes are due Sunday at 11:59 p.m. PT. Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent. Voting on three battles is required. If you win and don't vote, you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your three votes in this thread. Topic Good luck, @Certain and @Vulgar.
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05-13-2014, 01:29 AM | #2 |
Mad fucking dangerous.
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Turbulent. I'm an astronomer's envy, head in the skies.
Or at least, there's a cloud ringing around the level of eyes. They've got me dead to my rights. With expedience, I test the sex, but she's the greediest-neediest-sleaziest. Diva shit. My eggnog gets a dash of turmeric. Then soon it gets brown skin from my father. Assume it skipped generations. Rendered aphids to keep my lady bugged. Stupid bitch. Paleolithic, except with radial grips and a remedial grasp of stated linguistics, 'cause I get loose lips when I sink sips down the gates of my instincts. Territorial. I'm Doctor Doom's henchman. Fated to be stoned by things, but things fall apart. And the invisible woman's already in my net. Take another stretch. Bending incredible, yet I'm steadily in debt and unable to have my bankroll for more than two weeks at a time, especially if I'm using six eighty-three to sate my needs late in weeks as I ring smoke around the rosy cheeks. It's not blush — acne, rosacea. My skin's about to peel off like her cunt after the face-sit. My bus passenger playlist features drums in savage arrangements, that thump schematic entertainment that helps distract from your smell. It's still lingering under my yellowing fingertips, trapped under swells because I've been typing too much. And my cuticles are burnt up. And I'm usually burnt up, too, like the cigarettes. And you. |
05-15-2014, 11:41 PM | #3 |
Razor-thin derision
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The soul's departure from the body is prearranged; a token of gratitude
for hosting the rabble, ruse and giving toasts to the crass, amused The rotary bladder screws were supposed to be fastened, tuned to an engine-metal cast in a steel cased projection Bless these rental caps from the free-baser dentist Meet the portrait of Dr. Cenotaph, and his real grave expression Heel raising tension - if you feel shaken, lessen the locomotion of death: the wheels made the flesh grim An evening with Voltaire, the more absinthe, the easier I fared The 'stand up for yourself' concerto - my tailbone beat me to the stairs and shuffled all the way to a mausoleum in need of serious repairs Don't be needlessly embarrassed, since an outstretched psalm can go out on a grotesque limb & reach toward the cloud drenched fog Anima mundi masks contrast with the greenest meadows mending the heartstrings of Dali clocks and bleeding cellos The physical's an instrument - the stimulus is the will to question Bombastic plague lands turned to monastic playgrounds; acrylic dust bins Adults would rather avoid the smiling cadaver while the children bump him but actually being closer to the essence, does he feel what love is? Villains rush in with antidotes and thrills of sustenance A pianist's nimble fingers weren't built to hunt with Kidney transplant costlier than the final bill for Sputnik As a result, every astronaut's a dead man who's feeling gutless Sketch up the Kierkegaard flight manuals, set aside deposit slips Genocide is bottomless, exorcise what knowledge is Chills up your proverbial spine from the Seven Tribes of Novelists Tuskegee airmen took a wrench to my sarcophagus and pulled out a number of diseases that petrified biologists I identified my targets as viceroy relics, slain or shot Briefcase in ghastly hand, I took a one way train ride to psychedelic Shangri La and snail-mailed Zyklons to every trite Tibetan banker bloc The soul can't take leave from the body when the destination's uncertain Life's a science project - a teenage assimilation of versions of events A falsely estimated assertion that may differ in each country - it's no wonder the skeleton of our generation speaks bluntly Last edited by Vulgar; 05-15-2014 at 11:51 PM. |
05-16-2014, 03:06 AM | #4 |
Tsk Tsk
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V - My first thought is...You were so focused on strength of rhyme or difficulty, or even the crispness of it, you over shot. What I mean is. There are. These crazy breaks in sentences for rhyming's sake. While you also would begin sentence. Mid way through a bar so you could. Keep. Rhyme. I'm just used to the Vulgar who didn't rhyme and went philosophical topical in the classical fashion. You picked up immensely 4-5 bars deep....Heel raising tension...Great use of imagery, maybe a bit of idiom, either way word choice flowed but the depth in words is well cocked, aimed and...Bulls eye. ...Tail bone beat me to the stairs, stand for yourself...is another dope example, sick writing friend, I missed you, this a throwback Vulgar with so many references and just pure knowledge in rap forum, top forum. All in all I think I said it all, you wrote a magnificent verse aside from the chopped, greatly and sorely chopped (imo) beginning, but if that's what you have to do to set up a flow laden, endlessly deep verse that just drips knowledge, then by all means.
Cert First off, not a shot in a hell. You went easy this week, I assume by the closer and the fact that you went a tad personal and in the words of big-baby, wrote a bitch made topical crying, about being burnt out, poor and struggling with women shit. Decent writing, you too far to often broke up lines because it's easier to rhyme that way, I'm noticing a theme with all writers this season. Anyways, there was a nice back and forth feel to this verse, a hint of dark imagery which you def could have expounded upon for effect, but alas, you posted what you had because you the tank is on E Vote Vulgar/ Possible verse of the season.
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05-16-2014, 03:55 AM | #5 |
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Certain - started off talking about a strong themed female figure. kinda symbolic. like an ancient past life of a past wife. sorry that rhymed not tr yna showcase. still stickin true that that female main character tho. dont really get it. she melds into an acknowledgement of societies monetary standards.. like you're getting raped by the bitch you hold as holier than thou, if you will. you kinda turned it to an attack on your competition, but i truly didn't grasp ahold of a solid premise which you were attacking your competitor with. with all due respect.. this seemed like some time in the moment shit you might not have fully developed. but on the real, i actually like it and wish you took it further and made some more specific accusations/aspirations come to life.
vulgar - i really enjoyed your classical music inclusions. unlike your competitor, you gave your attacks some ... solid things i could grasp ahold of. concertos, psalms, cellos. bleedings cellos.. at that. i felt like your piece had something tangible to grasp ahold of. something serious that you were potraying throughout. pinpointing what you were grasping ahold of is beyond me at the moment. but the feeling you were portraying was personified by your relation to musical phrases, throughout. like here, Sketch up the Kierkegaard flight manuals, set aside deposit slips Genocide is bottomless, exorcise what knowledge is Chills up your proverbial spine from the Seven Tribes of Novelists Tuskegee airmen took a wrench to my sarcophagus and pulled out a number of diseases that petrified biologists you really jumped around. from space exploration, to knowledge, to writing, to religion, to science. even through you really didn't tie everything together super solid, you did a great job of being prolific and giving me, as an audience, a sense of gratification from the words you were saying. you really embodied the feeling i got from your verse with this one line.. Life's a science project - a teenage assimilation of versions of events and i respect your approach immensely. it was simply more gratifying... /v vulgar - he gave me a deeper, more satisfying read. and for that, i give him the V. |
05-17-2014, 01:52 AM | #6 |
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I think certain showcased an exceptional verse here. I think it was sidetracked with brevity and lack of a next gear - which he possesses. Stellar imagery all throughout. Vulgar, wow verse. Some references were a bit reaching for my taste. Everything else seemed knit perfectly. But the half scripted nuances were a bit peculiar. I hoped certain came swinging, but he didn't. Voting Vulgar.
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05-18-2014, 08:42 AM | #7 |
past tense
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Certain came with a lot of great content here, the wordplay made the flow fall off a couple times though. Can’t decide if I enjoy your ending, as well as your approach to the topic but it wasn’t bad at all. As a whole I enjoyed it. I think the invisible woman line was key. Painted a picture of a guy sitting behind his computer on the road chatting to some girl he never met or hopes to meet, basically. Stressing out with it. I’m sure there’s more to it. Vulgar came the same as Certain, focusing more on the content and wordplay then and actual underlying story. Vulgar tied his concept together in the first few bars and brought it back to life in the end. Your concept for the topic was cool, “Life's a science project - a teenage assimilation of versions of events”, pretty much sums up the topic itself. Enjoyed how you displayed the ‘science project’ throughout your verse, if that’s what was intended. felt you rhymed better than Certain, flow etc. Still a bit was obviously forced. Also finished reading with more of an impact and satisfaction than I did with your opponent.
V.Vulgar |
05-18-2014, 10:34 PM | #8 |
The Throne, The Crown
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Certain, interesting take here. I wonder if this is a bit of your own personal feelings, in relation to your life and whatnot. Has that touch a bit. If not, you did a great job disguising it as such. It has that personal feel. Definitely an interesting approach. Your writing is always very precise. Read smoothly for the most part. I thought you had some good phrases here and there, and good descriptions. I wonder if the she you were speaking of is "writing" personified.... the ending made me think so and was a good way to conclude your piece. Vintage Vulgar. Heavy on content. Something I haven't read from you much season. Very mechanical-like but you give it some form of life... the beginning and then towards the end. The meat in-between fit in nicely. I didn't feel overwhelmed by all the concepts, though it almost started getting a bit much but you transitioned from that well towards the end.
I feel both did solid in their own right here and this match is pretty close. Certain wrote very well, had a more personal touch while Vulgar went with a content packed display of norm. I feel Certain did very well here, but Vulgar took a much more better direction with this picture in this match, and think he packed in enough to outshine Certs precise, personal touch. MVGT: Vulgar. Good job by both competitors.
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05-19-2014, 12:34 AM | #9 | |
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Certain
Verse felt written in about 5 sittings over a few boxes of parliaments. The verse had spurts and the verse had drag. That complex contrast got on my nerves a little bit. Now I'm sure you're just swamped and that you haven't fell off the wagon. Looking foward to a 40 liner reminiscent of your RSTL days. These verses just aint clicking. In fact you have not dropped a significant verse yet imo. And honestly I'm really looking forward to it. Vulgar Gotta glimpse of classic Vulgar. You went back to the drawing board and it was a hit. You went back to your rabbi curls for this one. I liked this one line a lot Quote:
V/ Vulgar
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