07-30-2014, 01:40 AM | #1 |
obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,716
Battle Record: Faggot-1
Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2
Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek
Rep Power: 8599679 |
Certainly cipher
(Pancakes sister), is a handmade fixture, made on a canvass. Tincture pecks the buds from the ashtray litter. a landscape. a focal point backdrop to the cascade picture. the open void jackpot for when the lampshade flickers. She's got hair of amber fiber lash, pupil virus, to the shade of the brighest black. a stare like a viper. Dancers' eyes in fact. I see a ballerinas ballroom in the reflection of her iris. I dream of taking baths in the galleria of her sideburns. grass dripping. Primus. Fire, like a cats whisker, tiger.
I'm just trapped in her follicle thatch. It's such a unsolvable miracle. it's Zeus making gods halo, weaving her locks like a seamstress allusion. making blond angels in that bleached bed of beauty. I'd Beat her with all of my belts, it's like ether, it's as ungodly as hell, the way I eat her with all of myself. I use two fingers as teasers, then her tweeter turns into the seashore. When my cock smothers flavor, it's obsessive. When I calm her down, holding her clench fisting, like it was rock covers paper. Intense licking. I'm her monster. That you love to hate. Momentum and mesh. The crescendo extends, till she can't remember the rest, like memento and ent. I adore the smell of flesh speaking english, through a series of french kissing. This is the omega, where my bustling sex tickles have the potential that was meant to give her 500 more percent with her neck tingling. I wrote in perfect font, I planted roots in her. autographed cursive spanish, like braille on her goosepimples |
07-30-2014, 09:28 AM | #2 |
SOBER
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 13,052
Battle Record: 2-5
Champed - AOWL Season 2
Rep Power: 85899406 |
I don't have a sister
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07-30-2014, 09:58 AM | #3 |
SOBER
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 13,052
Battle Record: 2-5
Champed - AOWL Season 2
Rep Power: 85899406 |
But if I did she'd like this a lot, the slut
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07-31-2014, 07:27 PM | #4 |
consults Lloyd
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 4,075
Battle Record: 0-8
Champed -1-2 Punch League Roast
Rep Power: 39345601 |
I always have a slight problem with your phrasing. It's as if you're writing beautiful poetry in a foreign language. It's almost just a bit off, to me.
This was cool, conceptually. You say nothing better than most people. |
07-31-2014, 07:52 PM | #5 |
obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,716
Battle Record: Faggot-1
Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2
Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek
Rep Power: 8599679 |
keep talking shit watch what happen son
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07-31-2014, 07:59 PM | #6 |
song genius
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 377
Rep Power: 0 |
lets see you write to a beat and stop pandering in this nonsensical squabble
__________________
ZOOM IN ON THAT ASS LIKE BINOCULARS |
07-31-2014, 08:11 PM | #7 |
obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,716
Battle Record: Faggot-1
Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2
Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek
Rep Power: 8599679 |
stfu nigga nobody want to write on a beat nigga you never gonna become famous you ass b i know drake and i sent him ya raps and he laughed and almost stopped being my friend u booty nigga u ass and shit u not good and u have no concept of good writing nigga u like 19 years old foh my lane for i body the fuck outta you nigga pinkslip stop writing hwere or anywhere just stop writing nobody will ever reocgnize you and 500 years from now my scrolls will be in textbooks and digital shit cause 500 years is the future and ur bones will be dust and my fucking brain will be kept in a cryogenic cave to perserve for centuries to come to betetr our species nigga you will be eaten by ants and those ants will die from the horrible genes u possess and nobody will ever remember anything u ever wrote except me but id have erased it frum my brain cause u ASS moddafucka u shit dont ever speak to me ever again U HORRIBLE BTICH
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07-31-2014, 09:02 PM | #8 |
song genius
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 377
Rep Power: 0 |
i like ur imagination, lets apply that to a beat
take ur lil top hat off the cement, buy a coffee with the change u made and time to go big leagues
__________________
ZOOM IN ON THAT ASS LIKE BINOCULARS Last edited by Zen; 07-31-2014 at 10:58 PM. |
07-31-2014, 09:19 PM | #9 |
Arm the Homeless
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,104
Battle Record: 22-24
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 35079719 |
God damn it guys. I was interviewing this guy for the mag and now I can't you muddafucka.
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07-31-2014, 11:18 PM | #10 |
.
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 8,904
Battle Record: 27-22
Rep Power: 85899396 |
*cough*
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http://split8.yolasite.com |
08-01-2014, 06:08 AM | #11 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: BITER
Posts: 138
Battle Record: BITER
Rep Power: 0 |
Big baby lives up to its name pmls
This was a good drop tho, was it keystle or is there thought in to it Last edited by Zen; 08-01-2014 at 12:36 PM. |
08-01-2014, 11:50 AM | #12 | |
HALL OF FAME
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: portal 7 to the 9th exponent
Posts: 16,171
Battle Record: 3-5
Rep Power: 0 |
toxic turtles boxfish hurdles boxed in normal convertibles earstwhile formal.
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Quote:
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08-01-2014, 10:04 PM | #13 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 102
Rep Power: 0 |
Honestly I like the creativity. You have a healthy dose of humility and confidence in your craft but I get a sense of denial from you. What I mean is you're always on people like vulgar's case bc he uses words incorrectly. You say this a lot even when his wording is perfectly fine and sounds dope. I think you don't like that aspect in your own writing which is why you nitpick others for it. Just make a study of it, read a how to and some great novels, whatever u want and u will honestly be a force to be reckoned with. Don't you like bukowski and Hemingway? J apply their greatness creatively I. Your own way. Do what u gotta do.
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08-01-2014, 11:10 PM | #14 |
SOBER
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 13,052
Battle Record: 2-5
Champed - AOWL Season 2
Rep Power: 85899406 |
Irregardless
lol lol
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If I ventured in the slipstream Between the viaducts of your dreams Where immobil steel rims crack And the ditch in the back road stop Could you find me? |
08-01-2014, 11:31 PM | #16 |
SOBER
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 13,052
Battle Record: 2-5
Champed - AOWL Season 2
Rep Power: 85899406 |
>argument about wording
>uses irregardless top lel
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If I ventured in the slipstream Between the viaducts of your dreams Where immobil steel rims crack And the ditch in the back road stop Could you find me? |
08-01-2014, 11:40 PM | #17 |
.
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 8,904
Battle Record: 27-22
Rep Power: 85899396 |
__________________
http://split8.yolasite.com |
08-02-2014, 02:55 AM | #18 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,008
Battle Record: 23-10
Champed - Art of Writing League
- AOWL Season 5
Rep Power: 23856376 |
This was nice. Albeit It had more of poetic elements to it, than of hip hop. Reason being is you obviously had rhyme schemes, but the flow at times was more narrative like, kind of like a novel. There are story telling in Hip hop, but they always keep a certain cadence that still makes them flow in a way that retains melodic elements found in Hip Hop. Even though Hip Hop is poetry, it still has this music feel to it. This was more of a literary work that one presents as prose.
As for the actual technique of it, the imagery was splendid. Sometimes you switch rhyme schemes rather abruptly, and at other times you maintain a dynamic that is enticing to follow. The content itself was okay, but the presentation was well done. Last edited by UnbornBuddha; 08-02-2014 at 03:03 AM. |
08-02-2014, 10:45 AM | #19 |
living
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,469
Battle Record: 33-18
Accomplishments - Hall of Fame
Champed - AOWL Season 1
- Art of Writing League
- AOWL Season 4
- Write Week V
- GWL Season 1
Rep Power: 77606676 |
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Zack Wicks for president |
08-02-2014, 11:30 PM | #20 |
SOBER
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 13,052
Battle Record: 2-5
Champed - AOWL Season 2
Rep Power: 85899406 |
I know that.
Still top lel.
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If I ventured in the slipstream Between the viaducts of your dreams Where immobil steel rims crack And the ditch in the back road stop Could you find me? |
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