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12-22-2013, 05:14 AM
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#1 |
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Junior Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 11
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IDK
Pneumatic thoughts, pragmatic to the problem Polysyllabic wording, a tragedy about to blossom A calamity sustain by banditry and aloofness Blind vanity contains the laxity in improvements The mind's alacrity for the distinctive reaps from it's bounty Prescience controls unfamiliar ire to my foundry Steel cores holds the truth, walls bear witness Tear the fitness of the opposition to my assumptive verses Acceptance is a fruit, if I may dare, vicious Dispersing the bigotry through spews of gluttonous curses And my cup runneth over, I see your contaminants squirming Over this simple process that I digress to a superlative wording Even merging the hurting, comments only have vomit exerting Mentally bombing, averting the nominal comical perverting Skirting around the issue, get some educational training For some, the outcome could be hard and physically draining But in the end, just think of what you'll be mentally attaining Maybe upgrading your life where it's fiscally sustaining That's enough, this keystyle is only for those it's pertaining I'm stuck to this style like letters on ya grave from engraving I'm done I got some congressional lobbying to attend to I have no ill will, hate bullshit, you'll do the same if it offend you..... |
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12-22-2013, 05:27 AM
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#2 |
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Junior Member
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12-22-2013, 04:13 PM
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#3 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 691
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I think it's good that you have a wide vocabulary...and I think it's good exercise to rhyme them....but
When it comes down to it at the end of the day nobody speaks like this Its unnatural to most because of that. Instead of posting an entire piece of big vocabulary words I think it would be better if you allowed you're wide vocabulary to compliment you're piece rather than take it over. Let you're wide vocabulary be a tool and not you're entire arsenal. I've read you're drops many times....I think you are a dope writer.... That has the potential to break boundarys.....but you've got to branch out from vocabulary being you're main emphasis point. Overall this wasn't bad.....good vocab....good scheming....just too much vocab Stay up |
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12-22-2013, 04:38 PM
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#4 |
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consults Lloyd
Join Date: Aug 2013
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'people don't talk like this'
That doesn't really matter. This was cool. |
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12-22-2013, 05:12 PM
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#5 |
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Ad mini tator
Join Date: Feb 2013
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143 slayin em
Dope shit son. Im FAT BENATAR by the way. Welcome...join the topical league |
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12-22-2013, 05:30 PM
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#6 | |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
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Quote:
143 take it as you will But no disrespect bro just giving my opinion. |
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12-22-2013, 10:13 PM
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#7 |
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V.V
Join Date: Sep 2013
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I liked this piece. For how thickly worded this was, your scheming was pretty dope. I think for this piece the biggest achilles heel is consistency. End as heavily as you start. You started out with the illest vernacular, then you ended sounding like an average textcee that doesn't explore refined vocabulary at all. If your mental stamina slows, take a break. Revitalize that vigor you came with and kill it from top to bottom. I dug this piece, although I'm more partial to mid tier vocab abstract, than the word usage you experiment with. Great job. Keep droppin.
__________________
Ahem. |
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