Drink it in...

[MMLP]

Watch as, honcho grabs the lens
No holding back the letter reads
An unspoken pact
Just wants to close the chapter of his own dramatic sense of need
Mosaic, a focus transcending, in which stolen glances
slowly captures empathy
Like a Roman Catholic centrepiece
Now the open act will set the scene
The optics passes tests
but he’s close to snapping, with overacting tendencies
A poet at an ends, it seems
An emotional wreckage, in overdraft and debt
that comes in heavy doses, capsules and home relaxing remedies
An older man would let it be
The lone protagonist, self-composed and drafted
Known to taking steps to reach a chosen path that many flee
With post-traumatic stress
and a photographic memory
just a broken lad with jealously
in the smoky lands of treachery
that coats the glass with heresy
unnoticed at his sets,
as he twists a bottle cap of Hennessey,
a lonely man with desperate pleas
all the joking masked a friend in need
Had lost his grasp, woeful lapses from a total lack of energy
dropping fast towards the bottom bracket,
rolling past the credits scene
His time was a token tapestry, a motion-captured entity
When we hear the sonorous shattering of the broken glass which ends the sequence
a sombre stance as the moment passes breathlessly
as soon an overcast eventually
exposes cracks and sheds a beam of light into a soulless actor’s elegy
Prone to panic presently
don’t hold the past, its tense
learn to control your actions mentally
A yoga class is therapy, a sober man’s serenity
flowing past the seven seas
on a floating raft that deftly weaves
soul relaxing melodies
a frozen ambience
a denoted passage in the coldest snap in centuries
as the polar caps fragment and breach the road that’s mapped ahead
through the roaming scraps and its deadly peaks
overlaps symmetrically and enfolds his path of destiny
exposing that trajectory.
As he approaches land, the end is reached
with the golden sands ahead resurfacing, his hope at last
He’s now closer than he’s ever been
A tropical Coast which gathers Men and Leaders
His boat’s collapsed, and left in pieces
water flowed, advanced and then receded
That broken past his dead,
this smokers battled temptation
The whole shebang, the felonies
But this alcoholic scrapped, to best his demons
The outspoken man we’ve never seen
his moral standards bettered, no longer masked
Shoulders lax and then relief
A potent laugh and breath’s released
The growing plants, the glow of grass is evergreen
As all the coke he’s had washes away in the debris and the oceans mass,
erodes his past and sets him free!

Go Sober

[Geno]

Such a dope way woth syllables mmlp. Big fan of your technique. I used something similar when i used to write for audio. Just a dope in and out way of lacing internals and changing up the closing sequences..fire. Executed so nicely man. Nice writing

[MMLP]

Originally Posted by Geno

Such a dope way woth syllables mmlp. Big fan of your technique. I used something similar when i used to write for audio. Just a dope in and out way of lacing internals and changing up the closing sequences..fire. Executed so nicely man. Nice writing

Salute

[Universe]

MMLP continues to be one of my favorite writers on this site. Criminally slept on.

This was dead man-esque, dude. Fantastic.

[Diablo]

In the beginning it seemed like there was some uncertainty on where to begin and how, like you were trying to find a direction to take things in, but weren’t sure where, so you sort of worked through the rhymes almost on autopilot until you found your footing. I know you haven’t put anything up here for a while so it’s probably just some ring rust to kick off before you hit the groove again. As things straightened out the rhyme placement becomes less erratic and more streamlined. It picks up considerably at that point, the lines are more truncated, there’s far less syllables between the rhymes, the fat is trimmed essentially and it makes for a far smoother read. It definitely improves as it goes on, some nice word choices and some that seemed out of place — but you’ll know that. The formatting towards the start probably doesn’t help, I know you prob wrote it quickly if anything and added to it over several short sessions. There’s a few minor hiccups like “open(ing) act will set the scene,” but it’s not worth dwelling on really, this was you spitballing and playing with form, a different steez and scheme than were perhaps used to seeing from you and one you don’t use often. I can’t fault you for that, trying something different and kicking it out to see what works. Keep that pen moving!

[MMLP]

Big up!