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Old 06-13-2013, 10:48 PM   #1
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Default 1 Frank vs. 4 Nigma [Requires More Voters and Semi-Finals Can Ensue]

16 lines minimum, 48 lines maximum. (if agreed upon by both participants, you may go beyond the limit at your own risk.)

Verses are due SUNDAY 6/17 at 11:59 PST.
Extensions are due MONDAY 6/18 at 11:59 PST.


You must vote on EVERY OTHER battle available... I am much less lenient on this rule then Keith, so please vote.

While there's no absolute criteria for voting, 1 line votes and criminally underdeveloped ones won't be allowed. I will holler via private message if I think a vote of yours isn't up to snuff and you'll be allowed to develop it, as long as you do it within the deadline. At a minimum, you should aim to include what you liked and what you didn't like (if anything) about each verse as well as an explanation towards why you thought one verse was better than the other.
There is NO RECYCLING.BITING.GHOSTWRITING.

Voting ends THURSDAY 6/21 at 11:59 PST.(Unless otherwise it may be extended another day at the most.)

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NOTE:
Swaying, excessive freeposting, voter fraud etc. are grounds for vote deductions at discretion of the moderators.
Editing your verse after the grace period, after your opponent posts, or after the first vote (especially this)- as well as biting- are grounds for disqualification at discretion of the moderators.


TOPIC: "Philosophical Phantasm".

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Old 06-13-2013, 11:35 PM   #2
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Old 06-14-2013, 10:59 AM   #3
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Old 06-17-2013, 11:21 PM   #4
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The Celestial Wanderer


First appearances perception of a fearless kid whose presence
was empirically embelished in a perfect pyramid of freckles
Shocking wits, my brain could zap the thoughts of Olympus greatest
Starting walking at the 6-month age, by 1 year could sprint through rays
Was given gifted traits since a young tike from embracing the suns light
Come night I passed the time designing constellations in bug bites
By 3 I developed basics, knew the alphabet in every language
Practice helped to tame unhealthy baggage that came with clever brains
Constant working ways, by 13 my presence was worthy of mention
Cadence persuaded myriads of peasants to observe my adventures
My experiences pulling chords and puppeteering open doors
At 33 I smoldered wars, from saving life to nature minded soulful bard,
A hopeful boating florist, attacking pirate ghosts with ores and no remorse
Sew seeds within the oaky floors, ship turned into a floating forest
By 55 I'd throned the fortress, made it rise and paid its prices later
Light inside me changed, was tainted, aim deranged, inside I'm fading
Faced the blight of Satan, my salvation, and by 66 my life was taken
Spent less then half my life in shade yet these sins have equal sway
My alignment gleaming grey, chained between the light and demons gate
Looked to the heavens then the steamy way of heat and haze
My body 9 feet deep in grave, engraved with ancient, sacred hebrew prayers
To keep it safe, walk a one way road, the only street is pale
Eyes look in the distant trail to where the dreary mist unvails
Persistant path of mist and blackness, pidgeons, rats and drips of sadness
Pavement hit by leather, pitter padder, brain worked quick, precision pattern
As I walked it seemed my wisdom expanded to persistant advancement
I saw what really has happened since the beginning of man
Became the kings of the planet at a price that'll ruin the Earth
Despite the humans worth, no loss of light inside a stupid person
Yet the roots of wisdom stem from french kissing Medusas serpents
Smart enough to view whats worse is certainly where gloom emerges
Passing moons were blurs that caste before I ran into a person
Gave him respect which he throws back to this celestial nomad
He lets me bless him with my tale and the lessons my roads had
Told him potholes hold symbolic references, his vision sharpened
He saw there's wisdom locked in ever image that we witness walking
Through this daunting mist, we gotta grip the thoughts and drift on calm
Saw electric wires pinned to crosses, see it was a gift from god
See rhythms spawned of pidgeon squawks, symphonic glistens living on
He was the first of many people of the persons that I saw
Soon after he heard and he saw, his aura burst and withraws
You see? Theres 2 ethereal breeds that walk the streets
Some will come and leave however some will stay forever
So pay attention, some walk, explaining to create ascention
Endless days they destined to maintain the grey attendance
This is my way, and now your time to pardon your scarred core
Welcome to purgatory, that's my story, now start yours
Also, people here regarding only knowledge as art forms
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Old 06-18-2013, 04:39 AM   #5
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Warm water rocks, back and forth, inside a plastic bottle of Poland spring
I wave the bottle around ferociously, creating a costal flee that soaks the scene to the bone beneath.
Those living within 30 miles of the beach - have 30 minutes to load their thing -
Get out of their homes before the floating sea moseys into their windows - drowning out their moping screams like a blowing ocean breeze.
The slow motion leak creeps through the remote streets
A tantalizing trickle....
A vandalizing dribble....
Any where the flow could reach, it sanitized by mineral.
Little salt-and-sand combined can be criminal, in a grand design, it brittled the statues side with a slamming tide,
a liquid bull
the crashing might, to, whittle, to, paralyze the formidable,
a billion gallons wide...
this, a planet, you live in too.
it drizzled and drizzled pools for 40 continual nights, as recorded by the satellites pivotal.
The candle light flickered blue on the presidents oval office table
as he took a swig of satisfying liquid, cooled -
his pallet lined with a despicable urge to spit a sickly goo,
he’d reserved since he was sent the news -
– by the west of the world – U.S waters could surge!
the next 60 seconds were critical
the sweating, in silence, drenched in the miserable
The president could press A button that could save the world -
but he didn’t move - a inch,
As inches dripped, stripping raincoats thin of their slippery material,
A shriveled, prune, our skin a different hue.
The government had a defense system, for a typhoon of this magnitude, called Ninja 2
It was a specially designed current, that froze matter in a instant. Zoom.
It had another button too; a red one; forbidden to use.
Neither button had been touched by human finger prints until this June.
Europe had been under water already, for several minutes - drifting in gloom.
Fish schools, swimming, through, land.
Birds sink, they flew...
30 seconds to, the, brink of doom
The richter scale clinks with clues.
There’s still a chance for the monsoons to defuse,
Lightning Blink
The News
20 seconds:
South America was just hit with brute force,
extinct,
removed.
15 seconds: the president looks over at his spiritual adviser,
his eyebrows, crinkled in tune, in sync with the groove of the waves, as they sprinkle Peru.
Approaching the East Coast, the waves are "behemothly huge"
5 seconds; each consumes.
Sweat drools, releasing fumes.
1 second - he keeps his cool – pressing the button and Beam
The wave freezes.
The temperature drops 1000 degrees, a deep recluse.
Surrounded by an icy world now, blue - bleak, and new
America is about to freeze to death...

What you need to do…. is press that red button - save the people dude!!!!!!



liquid becomes solid, solid becomes Gas when you heat it and reheat it



OOOPS!


Philosophical Phantasm












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Old 06-19-2013, 11:10 PM   #6
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Nigma - There was plenty to like about this since you seemed like you were inspired to write from a combination of different angles, coming "full circle" as you could muster towards the end, referring to two ethereal breeds: those who merely exist and those who seek knowledge? It hinted at an autobiographical storytelling experience that made the character out to have special abilities. He recounts about what makes Earth what it is, and what human kind's role can be. I don't wholly get it, but the flow was stellar with a good deal of highlights. You have a unique, fearless way about your rhyme schemes, like you know you just skipped a beat or rolled over a phrase simply because you felt like it would benefit the bar. Gives the content a nice kick to it.

Frank - lol this was creative, Frank. Undeniably full of energy and an engaging quality to it. What I notice about your style is that you literally rhyme whenever you want, even if you have to stretch the syllable count. You get your licks in there whether it matches in perfect synchronicity or not, and move onto another pattern if you so choose, while still maintaining fluidity. 10% of the time, the rhythm is forced, which is my critique for this piece. (example: Instant. Zoom.) This one was about advanced technology for disaster response, or disaster prevention in this case. The president has an option to "freeze" a devastating typhoon. I don't really get why America is going to freeze in this case, unless the waves already made landfall on the east coast? Not sure how this verse applies to the topic but I'll make a guess. The typhoon is an "act of God" that's trying to "purify" the continents of the world but ends up getting frozen, which as you say later turns into gas, suggesting it becomes an apparition of its previous form. A phantom wave that hits the shores of reality before falling victim to the creations of scientific fantasy. Just my interpretation.

Overall, Frank's was an enjoyable read. Nigma seemed like he pushed more for something unique, and I also liked how Nigma laced his flow. Both came a bit vague with their topical approaches. I felt satisfied after reading these drops.

Vote - Nigma

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Old 06-20-2013, 11:02 AM   #7
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Nigma - Your ability to display storytelling at the author's point of view was pretty remarkable. And like Vulgar was saying how you were coming from a combination of different angles, than made me feel you did a good job showing that you were capable to illustrate your story. You came up with a character, and it was almost as though I grew up with that character as I continued reading. You brought it to life, and that's something I truly pleased by. Now from a lyrical aspect, you used catchy rhyme scheme to keep the reader engaged in your writing.

Frank - After reading your piece, I was very pleased with what you had wrote. You've shown a lot of the same qualities as Nigma had shown in his writing. I was very engaged with your story and like how you were able to organize your sequence of events. I thought that showed alot of creativity of your part. However, I was disappointed with your rhyme scheme. You did seem a little unbalanced and it potentially ended up being your downfall. I think you could work on your consistancy as far not only your rhyme scheme but staying on topic with your writing as well. Only because I found myself getting just a little bit lost in your piece not due to a lack of interest like I said before I found it enjoyable, but I was lost in the sense of not knowing where the story was headed. It had its ups and down, but you show a lot of promise and show why you were crowned Art of Writing League Champ.

Overall - Now I'm new to the site and not very sure how this section is suppose to be looked at exactly from a voting aspect, but if I was trying to see which one demonstrated better lyrical ability I would have to give that to Nigma. I found Frank's story to very interesting, but was just a little off track. I did however enjoy both drops and found both to be extremely creative, but Nigma got the edge on this one.

Vote - Nigma
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Old 06-21-2013, 01:44 AM   #8
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Voting ends tomorrow 6pmfuck the Heat/wade
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Old 06-21-2013, 09:23 PM   #9
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2-0
Nigma

Will vote tonight and then were moving on
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Old 06-22-2013, 08:23 PM   #10
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nigma-i can't figure out where to go to research. can tell there's a lot going on.. and am curious. looking forward to a break down so i can see what these allusions mean.
it would take me a few hours to figure it out on my own, and i will if i have to.. just not today. the only book i can think of to research this all is quite large. a bit of slant rhyme, paired with some humongous syllable counts made this hard for me to like. i in turn can appreciate the approach. refreshing, hard to grasp all around. so i'll chew on it a while. thank you for the time invested. every monster piece goes over someones head. my bad.
someone break this down that gets it eh? @Coup? buddy? =)

frank - i like this. end of days not too heavily reliant on imagery, but still had enough to keep me interested.

a vandalizing dribble

you don't really give a fuck. that's whatsup. i respect that. there were some points, i was nevertheless upset by a lack of rhyme. spiritual advisor stuck out, por ejemplo.
"clinks with clues" "drenched in the miserable" .. describing a drop of 1000 degrees as "a deep recluse" - this kind of wording makes up for it in the end, imo. you go against the grain just enough to draw me in and managed to go somewhere with that negative attention. my kind of topical, through and through. enjoyed the end in particular.

/v frank - i understood his piece and was more entertained from beginning to end.
even if i did understand nigma's, i really like the way frank's was set up and would have a hard time voting against it on anyone's best day.
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Old 06-23-2013, 12:43 PM   #11
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Nigma - The first two bars or so, I really hated the line length and the lack of flow. It picked up and nicely, and the meaning behind the entire verse was rather nice. I loved the imagery from the boat, to the war, to the throne and ending in Grey area of after life. The thing I loved most of all though was the pace. I can't remember a verse that covered nearly a 100 years in the span of 40 lines or whatever it was. I loved that, it was different to me, and kept me intrigued because the possibilities were endless, and you ran with that. All in all, this was a very solid verse, however the beginning like I said I do wish you had restructured for flow or something my man. I will add that I loved the use of the topic.


Frank - For some reason I sensed a bit of fun and humor in this verse, no clue why though. I loved the story aspect, the big picture was all crumbling at once, pretty epic like, and that had me intrigued. I was wondering why the President wasn't stopping the Title Waves, so when he saved only North America I must say I was caught off gaurd. You hid it well to me, the ending I mean. Some of the flow was dope, some was pretty bad. I really dissliked the stretched lines, then short then medium. There was little consistency and structure, which is OK to some. But to me, in a hip-hop site where we write near raps/poems failing to hold structure means maybe its a short story that rhymes now and again. Which is fine some times, either way IDK? All in all, this was one of the better verses you've produced since your fall of the title


To me, this is the toughest vote I've had to cast since playoffs began. This shit is mad close, hence the reason nobody has voted on it including myself. I think I've read each verse like 5 times +. Each time I pick up new shit from Nigma's Iliad. The wording in his was key, some subtleties that showed he thought before just writing any word that fits. Because some words fit, then some words are meant to be there. Frank equally had a dope verse, I think his imagery was a bit better although by a prick hair alone. I enjoyed his ending and wasn't the biggest fan of the flow or at some points, forced rhyme.


All in all, I got Nigma wining by a cunt hair.

+.25 Nigma
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Old 06-23-2013, 02:25 PM   #12
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nigma- lmao dude...your opening two lines where twisted man,...you trying to tongue twist man ? I think I counted 35-36 syllables. not a bad thing but you sure jumped into the verse wasting no time. Sally sells sea shells by the sea shore.

Did it really take that many stilted words to say this kid is fearless and has freckles ? C'mon man. Philosophical Phantasm indeed.

DOPE LINE:
Pavement hit by leather, pitter padder, brain worked quick, precision pattern


All in all, I am both liking the flow of this with the over the top skill set of the structure, and sorta feeling this was a bit contrived.

I love the opening and the explanation with an exclamation the status this kids was facing with as a free mason (derp)...creative ways to illustrate the phantasm of the character...he was put through a lot of different concepts and situations.

felt you could have narrowed down the onslaught of activities in this to hammer home a more rooted and direct philosophical concept that would have been easier to identify...to each their own...not a bad piece, good drop.

Biggest complaint is the stilted speech....not necessary. Such as imo:
Cadence persuaded myriads of peasants to observe my adventures
and
As I walked it seemed my wisdom expanded to persistent advancement

(you spelled persistent wrong)

But I do understand the nature of the topic so I'm not even trippin.

felt like you wanted to floss the flow structure but it felt a tad forced in some areas...in others you had great lines...such as:
Yet the roots of wisdom stem from french kissing Medusas serpents


also enjoyed the more quieter, reflective closing...bringing it to a head of sorts. This written in one word: Hyper.


Frank-

WOW dude...good drop too. So smooth, very concise, easy to follow and very engaging. Nice set up opener, laying a hook, nice structure developing and laying out the dooms day clock. Nice situational play and a tone of neutrality without political influence.

I don't have much to say man, good rhymes, great pacing, intelligent structure.

I rarely give only positive reviews, but this was a cool read for readers. A good balance of showcasing what you got and writing for an audience.

I don't even know you dude, but good job.

I'll be watching you cat.



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Old 06-23-2013, 09:36 PM   #13
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Enjoying Enigma's Illuminati heavy imagery/symbolism style it works well for you, all the different references were interesting and the language used for Illuminati kind of naturally fits with the theme of "philosophical phantasm." Frank you are very creative with multiple rhymes I notice you do it a lot. E.g., " It was a specially designed current, that froze matter in a instant. Zoom." It is an entertaining style of writing. The time portions were a good way to give the writing pacing and did not feel artificial. Enjoyed Enigma's more natural fitting writing style. Voting for Enigma.
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Old 06-24-2013, 07:51 PM   #14
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4-2 nigma

Requires a few more votes and this round is finished

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Old 06-24-2013, 09:16 PM   #15
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ok sick battle guys.

nigma- its been awesome to seeing you improve as a writer as the season has progressed. in the beginning of this verse I was saying to myself, hmm his end rhymes are not working perfectly for me. which ive had that problem before with your work, but it corrected itself for me halfway through. you gave a rather broad overview of the topic. and it was a tad abstract. but the way you play with words can be rather awesome at times. lines like this

See rhythms spawned of pidgeon squawks, symphonic glistens living on

are really appealing and poetic. good work. a really good verse.

frank- your structure is strange. I think you do it on purpose to make your stuff seem more complex. it works. every line I have no idea when the rhyme is coming, and then it hits you, and hits again and has a sick flow to it. but its not at the end of the line like most people format. and you make words rhyme that I would never think actually rhyme but they do the way you use them. this story was amazing, had me on the edge of my seat. sick verse

overall- I liked both verses. both were strong and the writers should be proud but I liked one more then the other and that was

vote- Frank
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Old 06-25-2013, 09:07 AM   #16
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Its 4-3 unless there is a tie by the end of this night this match is closed @enigma @Frank

If you don't like the outcome as is I sudjest you ask around for credible voters

Closed before midnight west coast
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Old 06-25-2013, 03:19 PM   #17
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i'll break down my vote and why when i get home from work (6 pacific) but i got frank for to me a more enjoyable read, while i normally enjoy nigma's verses- and i enjoyed this as well, i feel franks came off just more natural to me and was just a beautifully told story, again i'll edit more in depth later.
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Old 06-25-2013, 10:40 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by Just Write View Post
i'll break down my vote and why when i get home from work (6 pacific) but i got frank for to me a more enjoyable read, while i normally enjoy nigma's verses- and i enjoyed this as well, i feel franks came off just more natural to me and was just a beautifully told story, again i'll edit more in depth later.

More would be better. But as is I will count it.

4-4 tie
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Old 06-26-2013, 12:05 AM   #19
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promise i will break the tie tonight. just got home and i need to recharge for a bit..

editing here.
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Old 06-26-2013, 12:06 AM   #20
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mention me after please
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