2010-ish

sral · 09-01-2021, 01:14 PM

It was always me that would start the fight,
'Cause I couldn't keep my mouth shut half the time,
So after giving me your heart, you discarded mine,
Yet theres nowhere I'd rather be than in your arms tonight...
For me theres no describing something as hard as love,
Theres over six million words yet somehow these arent enough,
For when life itself means less to you than that partner does,
And you're spelling her name out between the stars above...
Truthfully, I hate doting on what used to be,
‘cause the greatest thing I'd ever experienced was you and me.
I can’t answer you on why I acted so stupidly,
So all I asks that in time can you forgive me for doing this, please?
See she was there from the start, so I’m sure she’s aware that its hard
thinking back to the hours we spent in conversation while sat there in her car.
I'd tell her I'm pleased for them, but it tears me apart,
- Its like a rusty daggers been thrust through the affairs of my heart.
Now I could lie and say I'm pleased for her, but its a hard one to call,
Since it was me keeping the truth from her that started it all...
This is dedicated to every time I tried your patience and more,
To every second I spent pacing the halls, awaiting your call...
The moment I realised things would never be the same as before,
And that I only really had myself to blame for it all...
...I cant take anymore. I'm a helpless case who's only felt dismay,
since you left & yet I still love you in my own selfish way.
I knew there'd be hell to pay, but neither of us can help mistakes,
And these tears are merely words my heart cant bring itself to say...

Alice · 09-03-2021, 04:24 AM

This really got gradually interesting as it progressed to an even more elevated, reflective level. Some rhymes, like the start/hard section, seemed simple yet still nice within the entire concept. I didn’t really care for the “rusty knife” metaphorical aspect as it’s a bit typical for this kind of approach I feel. That’s the only “criticism” I have though. I simply loved the concept and the direction you took with this - nothing new but it’s just incredibly genuine and that’s something I appreciate. Every line felt real, for lack of a better word here. But the last line was a highlight to me. Thanks for sharing.

09-01-2021, 01:14 PM	#1
sral Shrewd as evearthed Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: Wolverhampton, England Posts: 8,255 Battle Record: 28-3 Champed - Gimmick Battle League - The Winter Topical - Topical Martyrs - Lime Green Poetry Association - Lyric Olympics - Art of Writing League - Guerrilla Writing League (2x) - Black August II Rep Power: 85899391	2010-ish It was always me that would start the fight, 'Cause I couldn't keep my mouth shut half the time, So after giving me your heart, you discarded mine, Yet theres nowhere I'd rather be than in your arms tonight... For me theres no describing something as hard as love, Theres over six million words yet somehow these arent enough, For when life itself means less to you than that partner does, And you're spelling her name out between the stars above... Truthfully, I hate doting on what used to be, ‘cause the greatest thing I'd ever experienced was you and me. I can’t answer you on why I acted so stupidly, So all I asks that in time can you forgive me for doing this, please? See she was there from the start, so I’m sure she’s aware that its hard thinking back to the hours we spent in conversation while sat there in her car. I'd tell her I'm pleased for them, but it tears me apart, - Its like a rusty daggers been thrust through the affairs of my heart. Now I could lie and say I'm pleased for her, but its a hard one to call, Since it was me keeping the truth from her that started it all... This is dedicated to every time I tried your patience and more, To every second I spent pacing the halls, awaiting your call... The moment I realised things would never be the same as before, And that I only really had myself to blame for it all... ...I cant take anymore. I'm a helpless case who's only felt dismay, since you left & yet I still love you in my own selfish way. I knew there'd be hell to pay, but neither of us can help mistakes, And these tears are merely words my heart cant bring itself to say... __________________ - Netcees Rebuttal Tourney - Art of Writing League (x 4) - AOWL Season 11 Champion (Undefeated Season)

09-03-2021, 04:24 AM	#2
Alice Member Join Date: Feb 2018 Posts: 48 Rep Power: 53110	This really got gradually interesting as it progressed to an even more elevated, reflective level. Some rhymes, like the start/hard section, seemed simple yet still nice within the entire concept. I didn’t really care for the “rusty knife” metaphorical aspect as it’s a bit typical for this kind of approach I feel. That’s the only “criticism” I have though. I simply loved the concept and the direction you took with this - nothing new but it’s just incredibly genuine and that’s something I appreciate. Every line felt real, for lack of a better word here. But the last line was a highlight to me. Thanks for sharing.