To Conquer Open Mic

[Angkor]

Originally Posted by Aero

Don't seem to go into topic pieces. A flex verse yea

...that's debatable. if we're talking "punchline" as an offensive prerequisite, then sure, thats true. but if we use it more as a "structural" entity then here's an example of "punchline" being able to work in a topical context:

Originally Posted by The Graffiti Artist

the naked wall called to him, in an instant, he’d jot a work plan
and after years of hearing the word CAN’T, he got his first can
he started at night…but embarked with a bright spark in his eye
that somehow allowed him to harness the light darkness denied
it was rationalization vs. his artist inside... armed with his pride
his brush offered a stroke of genius with the smartest of strides
‘God damn my hearts a bad guide!’ the kid scoffed with a smirk
cuz he finally followed the thing, and ended up lost in his work
he swiftly bathed the wall with paint, he smothered it with haste
‘n graciously gave it every shade, including the color in his face
it absorbed each drop like soil plains that been floodless fo years
he redefined the 3 primary colors…with blood, sweat, and tears
he fought thru the strife, paintin a name he thought up that night
wit that he didnt just personify the wall, he also brought it to life
tho his childhood curse was uplifted wit the word he had written
he wasnt content, with this person’s ambition it hurt to be driven
cuz he had perfect precision that could rival a surgeon’s incision
but the worst indecision when it came to his version of finished
yet people saw the worth he had given to the earth that we live in
nothin as influential emerged from a vision since birth of religion

this was Namix's The Graffiti Artist piece. It's not hard to see how his battle persona crossed over to topical as he has that setup-punch-setup-punch approach lol. But he made it work. More recent writers like Oats and Oxus has similar approach to topical too, imho (Though not as extensive or direct as Namix).

[Diode]

talk about white girls who wronged you

[StarFaggot]

That piece is pretty nice but its hard to retrain my mind to have a bar that's not a comedic punchline. Plus I write my punchlines first then fill my verse around them. An open mic piece has to work differently.

[PancakeBrah]

Originally Posted by Diode

talk about white girls who wronged you

[Angkor]

Originally Posted by Aero

That piece is pretty nice but its hard to retrain my mind to have a bar that's not a comedic punchline. Plus I write my punchlines first then fill my verse around them. An open mic piece has to work differently.

no doubt, i definitely see where ur coming from.

[StarFaggot]

Originally Posted by Angkor

no doubt, i see definitely see where ur coming from.

So my question then is does an open mic put down their structural bar endings, profound endings and then fill the verse?

[Certain]

Start out by coming up with a thesis or story line, then write about that and nothing but that. Tell the story or deliver the message completely while using good rhyming fundamentals. Worry about abstract stuff later because it's harder to be good at.

[StarFaggot]

Originally Posted by Certain

Start out by coming up with a thesis or story line, then write about that and nothing but that. Tell the story or deliver the message completely while using good rhyming fundamentals. Worry about abstract stuff later because it's harder to be good at.

doesnt that make the writing two dimensional? How is the skill of the abstract sharpened? I like your idea though bc if u have the story and rhyme fundamentals you can then add the abstract to it

[PancakeBrah]

You can be an architect or a gardener. An architect sits down and thinks out the entire plot or theme of his piece, how everything connects and interacts, before writing. A gardener just writes and sees how it grows while trimming here and there along the way. Stephen King (I think) said that. Pretty good analogy.

But write about pretty white girls while you're drunk. It's the key to success Aero I'm telling you. Throw in a dash of multis and weird structure and you're set.

[StarFaggot]

Lol I like that analogy, I feel like I'd be more of an architect but at sand time I don't want to hinder my verse bc of it.

If I wrote a verse about white girls it could be epic and I think I'm leaning towards doing that

[Witty]

Never worry about abstract stuff too much.

If it happens to be abstract, cool, but don't try too hard to make it that way because that is very easy to see thru.

Writer's do not have to be abstract, it is simply one of many styles. Just write
..and go with it how it comes out.

I think people try too hard to be abstract, instead of just being abstract by genuinely thinking in an abstract way...it should just be the way things are in your head that make the piece abstract otherwise it just comes across as forced.

[big baby]

Originally Posted by Aero

That piece is pretty nice but its hard to retrain my mind to have a bar that's not a comedic punchline. Plus I write my punchlines first then fill my verse around them. An open mic piece has to work differently.

You're not a real writer, then. But you can be a quarter of what I was 10 years ago on a bad day if you try everyday and get up half an hour earlier to meditate further than you do now. I stopped writing punchlines when I was 11. You, at an eager 21+ are still writing punchlines and think you are a writing god. And this has caused severe damage to your writing. You can listen to all the advice given here, except Certain's. He will always critique what you are saying unless it hits him emotionally, which is a bias he can't support but he's an editor programmed to think a certain way because that's what he gets payed to do. Editors, journalists, and bloggers all understand a fundamental of writing but they rarely achieve true emotional, high-end writing. Like Tim Duncan, a fundamental machine, but lacks the true gift of extreme athleticism and just superbly out of this world aesthetics. But he's one of the greatest. But Tim Duncans in the writing world don't come around often. And it's periodically that I have to step out of my shell and big baby kamehameha the writing world once again. But the Certains of the writing world are good writers and need to be there to set a certain precedent. (no weak pun intended). With time, in about a few years you can reach certains level where he was 5 years ago, but with dedicated craft you can reach that echelon sooner than later. In reality you'll never reach my stature because it's like launching a laser beam from a ship travelling supersonic velocities, you were already topping out the ships maximum level before you shot the laser beam, so catching it is virtually impossible. I am that laser beam. You are the NASA operator on Earth couple light years away giving the OKAY to the pilots to launch my laser beam lyrical onslaught. All forms of writing I have conquered, while you are stuck on punchlines and netcees writing only viewed by a few thousand people (if that). MY writing transcends human emotion and logistical ports. To become a better TOPICAL writer, follow certains advice, certain is sort of a savvy gunslinger when it comes to that. Though, I am as well, Certain has more of an outlook to it and has a guideline most likely by his computer where he types from off handedly pointing out every flaw or non-flaw that a particular writing has. If VERITAS says your writing is good, ignore him as he is horrible. Try reading and learning as you go, is the best advice I can give you. You will do fine if you steer clear from my path. This is me acting like you, giving advice to yourself, I did this by nature, so you could fully grasp what I'm saying in your little galaxy you've created. Peace.

[StarFaggot]

@ Anyone who do you suggest I review for each of the following:

Vocabulary:
Rhyme:
Imagery:
Profundity:

Thanks

[StarFaggot]

Originally Posted by Certain

Start out by coming up with a thesis or story line, then write about that and nothing but that. Tell the story or deliver the message completely while using good rhyming fundamentals. Worry about abstract stuff later because it's harder to be good at.

Originally Posted by big baby

You're not a real writer, then. But you can be a quarter of what I was 10 years ago on a bad day if you try everyday and get up half an hour earlier to meditate further than you do now. I stopped writing punchlines when I was 11. You, at an eager 21+ are still writing punchlines and think you are a writing god. And this has caused severe damage to your writing. You can listen to all the advice given here, except Certain's. He will always critique what you are saying unless it hits him emotionally, which is a bias he can't support but he's an editor programmed to think a certain way because that's what he gets payed to do. Editors, journalists, and bloggers all understand a fundamental of writing but they rarely achieve true emotional, high-end writing. Like Tim Duncan, a fundamental machine, but lacks the true gift of extreme athleticism and just superbly out of this world aesthetics. But he's one of the greatest. But Tim Duncans in the writing world don't come around often. And it's periodically that I have to step out of my shell and big baby kamehameha the writing world once again. But the Certains of the writing world are good writers and need to be there to set a certain precedent. (no weak pun intended). With time, in about a few years you can reach certains level where he was 5 years ago, but with dedicated craft you can reach that echelon sooner than later. In reality you'll never reach my stature because it's like launching a laser beam from a ship travelling supersonic velocities, you were already topping out the ships maximum level before you shot the laser beam, so catching it is virtually impossible. I am that laser beam. You are the NASA operator on Earth couple light years away giving the OKAY to the pilots to launch my laser beam lyrical onslaught. All forms of writing I have conquered, while you are stuck on punchlines and netcees writing only viewed by a few thousand people (if that). MY writing transcends human emotion and logistical ports. To become a better TOPICAL writer, follow certains advice, certain is sort of a savvy gunslinger when it comes to that. Though, I am as well, Certain has more of an outlook to it and has a guideline most likely by his computer where he types from off handedly pointing out every flaw or non-flaw that a particular writing has. If VERITAS says your writing is good, ignore him as he is horrible. Try reading and learning as you go, is the best advice I can give you. You will do fine if you steer clear from my path. This is me acting like you, giving advice to yourself, I did this by nature, so you could fully grasp what I'm saying in your little galaxy you've created. Peace.

lol this guy, good stuff

[dull boy]

I thought he was trolling. Then he said he couldn't see beyond punchlines. Then you @big baby clarified things for him.

[PancakeBrah]

I want to be a laser beam :(

[big baby]

Originally Posted by PancakeBrah

I want to be a laser beam :(

I was preparing you for launch till you jumped out the shute because I was handling you too aggressively. I picked you up on another galaxy, where deadly leviathan creatures were about to eat you, and I saved you. I talked some sense into you as you were delirious. We're on the spaceship again, but you're not ready for launch until you prove yourself to be a trustworthy, calm, laser beam.

[big baby]

Originally Posted by dull boy

I thought he was trolling. Then he said he couldn't see beyond punchlines. Then you @big baby clarified things for him.

That's why I'm here.

[Certain]

@big baby, why do you do this?

I'm trying to give Aero a place to start. You act like I don't like your writing.

[Split]

yeah shut up certain