|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
12-04-2018, 04:38 PM | #41 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 3,986
Battle Record: 11-6
Rep Power: 5633912 |
|
12-04-2018, 04:39 PM | #42 |
on posting probation
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 256
Battle Record: 0-1
Rep Power: 1879372 |
thread ruined
celebrally |
12-04-2018, 04:47 PM | #43 | ||
(ง'̀-'́)ง
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 15,852
Battle Record: 52-28
Accomplishments -50+ wins
Champed -Summer Classic VIII
-Netcees Battle League
-BA Picture
-BA TagTeam
-Fight Night Cypher I
-Fight Night XXXV
-Key Grand Prix 2018 1/2
Rep Power: 85899402 |
Quote:
Maybe something new?
__________________
Quote:
|
||
12-04-2018, 04:59 PM | #44 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 26,349
Battle Record: 0-1
Rep Power: 84181442 |
I wanna know which mod added that trifecta accomp tho lol
|
12-04-2018, 05:14 PM | #45 |
Shrewd as evearthed
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Wolverhampton, England
Posts: 8,251
Battle Record: 28-3
Champed - Gimmick Battle League
- The Winter Topical
- Topical Martyrs
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- Lyric Olympics
- Art of Writing League
- Guerrilla Writing League (2x)
- Black August II
Rep Power: 85899391 |
Let’s break this seemingly unbeatable in Zelph and Ryno’s opinion verse down right quick:
uses a tourniquet*an a swab, yo white as fuck from the smack! such a slave to the poppy your picking cotton to remind you your black The poppy/heroin thing is nothing new. Picking cotton racism bullshit is really the low hanging fruit of text to me and been done countless times. I’m not completely against it 100%, I can find the fun in the line if it’s something creative and fresh. The line isn’t done humourously or even worded so it had any sting, it’s just kind of... there. It goes nowhere. And last but not least I’M NOT FUCKING BLACK, I’M WHITE AS SNOW. It doesn’t apply to me. Okay, maybe he’s implying all drug addicts are black which is a wild assumption to me considering we have 2Crip, Finnt and Strika here. But alas, the line generally isn’t good and has no redeeming qualities to me. It’s a statement line that ultimately has no payoff to it, funny or otherwise, and falls completely flat. As an opening bar it fails even more so IMO, sets him off to a bad start before he’s even begun. It’s worded weakly, uncreative, and doesn’t know what type of line it wants to be IMHO. hangs out on street corners, gettin yo fix by sucking off men jealous of a hooker cus she can wash her crack an use it again I mean, really? At least this one attempted some sort of humour but you can’t tell me for a second even with Drug Addicts as an opponent that crack/asscrack hasn’t been done before. Jesus. This is surely down there with defeat and cum lines at this point. It’s so fucking basic and wack conceptually I literally can’t believe anyone ate this up. This idea wouldn’t even enter my head in the thought process because it’s just readily established that these lines have all been played and used up to death at this point. Do you know how long text has been happening? Do you even know how many times this crack play would have been done? It’s legit older than some boarders here (shoutout Lenox and Bolo). This shit is OLD motherfucker. It should never be used. I can appreciate the at least attempt at humour but I just can’t look past how unoriginal and played thus shot is. You guys are legit dumb as fuck for liking that IMHO. bones already poke through his skin before I slaughter this Ethiopian one walks 5 miles for water, he'll go wherever the Needle take him OH GREAT SO NOW IM ETHIOPIAN FOR SOME REASON OUT OF NOWHERE TO MAKE IT RHYME? Great, plus we all know how those ETHIOPIANS have so much food money to waste that they just can’t wait to form a drug habit with all their HARD EARNED CASH they have to just THROW AWAY on drug binges, right? FUCK FOOD, EAT DRUGS. Idiots. This shit makes no sense at all to me, the “one walks 5 miles for water” has nothing to do with the rest of the bar. It’s cringeworthy bad. Complete filler. The only thing here is the needle/Need’ll wordplay but without any kind of tie-in to make it work somehow, it’s just wordplay for wordplays sake in yet another line that uktimtely goes nowhere with no sting and offers nothing creatively, originally, or any kind of sting to it wording wise. It’s just... there. It falls flat. There’s no connection, no tie-in for the wordplay at all, the needle doesn’t even apply to the walls 5 miles for water bullshit. Read it. Tell me I’m wrong. It’s a wack fucking line that goes nowhere. no self worth he's just a broke jerk who will never make shit bitch face it...your such an addict if I threw a Smack you'd happily take it! WOW so we’ve covered crack/asscrack earlier, and no we arrive at Smack as in Heroin and an actual SMACK in the face. This lines a smack in the face to anyone that ever took their pen seriously. It’s yet more elementary basic wordplay that has been done time and time again, it wasn’t great the first time it was done in 1997 and what do you know... it still isn’t almost 30 years later. The amount of smack lines done before is just innumerable at this point. Everyone has done it. Smack rappers have done it recently, it’s still played out as fuck and needs to be avoided. I legit can’t fathom how people are using these, and even less so how garbage wordplays like these are getting props in 2018. Jeez. This is not good, I don’t give a fuck if this your first year of text or your tenth - everyone worth their salt knows this shit is absolute trash. Dumpster juice. Not worth anyone’s time. It’s legit another of those wack ass played concepts that wouldn’t even come to my mind when writing because I just automatically know they’re fucking trash and avoid them like the plague. Honestly, this shit is LAUSBLE to me for entirely all the wrong reasons. The fact it got props is so bad. drugs got him feeling super, thinks he the strongest bitch to exist not a hero jus cus Mary Jane the heroine to ya story an u Shoot from the wrist This is legit one of the better ideas from the verse, I keep it 100% real at all times, I liked this one. It’s your best. It was clunky wording wise because you tried so much, but I at least appreciated that you went hard putting it together. Mary Jane for weed has been done, and this did seem like you recycled it from the Marvel round early on. Almost like you had the concept in mind and chose to sit on it, you got Drug Addicts this round and realised it was semi applicable. You lucked out, IMHO, but I did feel this was your best and I’m not afraid to say that. give this addict a quick Hit, he won't feel it til next week! a slap so hard palm readers can see his future bleak by his red cheek I dunno about this one, I’ve seen the imagery done before, it could be a reference to Bleak from here that I just don’t get at all but it could not be. From the votes it seemed like no one else understood it either. Again, the wording is clunky, conceptually these imagery type lines have been done like “Slap you so hard, my fingerprints are on your skeleton,” etc. It’s nothing new, and the wording does it no favours, it doesn’t land well enough to hit either to me. It’s another case of the line being there but that’s just about it. No impact. No zing. No humour. There’s not even humor to it unless Bleak is involved without us all knowing. Fuck it. I don’t like it. Voters didn’t either. I can’t be missing much. gave a penny for his thoughts..he spent it on the closest crack being dealt.. going clean?! E such a loser for the skag he sees a hoover for its Bag, Pipe n Belt! Who the fuck is E? I’m not E anyone, no idea what you were doing with that. The concept was a bit better here than you have had, the worded again kind of took away from its impact, it needed to either be harsher or funnier and ended up neither - stuck somewhere in the middle not knowing what it was meant to be. It’s one of your more creative lines, but again lacks sting. I’d probably just give it an “Okay,” tbh and keep it moving. cus u bout that Rock look, shook black bitch all itchy n vile.. shit your one Hit away from his New Jack City smile OH I’M BLACK AGAIN NOW? Fantastic, love that, well done. This line goes nowhere. Wack conceptually, doesn’t deliver anything, falls completely flat likethe opening line IMHO and especially as a closer for the verse this is poor as guck. No creativity. Nothing fresh. No impact. The verse just fizzles out to nothing of note. Forgettable bar overall and ends of the poor note it started. Please breakdown how this verse was best what I put up in any way, I don’t see it at all. This shit is garbage. I’d love to hear your opinions on what’s so fantastic about this verse bar for bar.
__________________
- Netcees Rebuttal Tourney - Art of Writing League (x 4) - AOWL Season 11 Champion (Undefeated Season) |
12-04-2018, 05:15 PM | #46 |
on posting probation
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 256
Battle Record: 0-1
Rep Power: 1879372 |
im not reading all that, but for what its worth you should've won. I'm not gonna vote in shit that zelph jews me out of tho
|
12-04-2018, 05:24 PM | #47 |
Shrewd as evearthed
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Wolverhampton, England
Posts: 8,251
Battle Record: 28-3
Champed - Gimmick Battle League
- The Winter Topical
- Topical Martyrs
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- Lyric Olympics
- Art of Writing League
- Guerrilla Writing League (2x)
- Black August II
Rep Power: 85899391 |
LOL I fuck with you my dawg, but that line garbo for reals
__________________
- Netcees Rebuttal Tourney - Art of Writing League (x 4) - AOWL Season 11 Champion (Undefeated Season) |
12-04-2018, 05:28 PM | #48 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 3,986
Battle Record: 11-6
Rep Power: 5633912 |
So gone
|
12-04-2018, 05:31 PM | #49 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 3,986
Battle Record: 11-6
Rep Power: 5633912 |
On second read you actually did win but I’m not about to cheat Ryno out of the finals lol I made a promise
|
12-04-2018, 06:55 PM | #50 |
Retired
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 646
Battle Record: 12-10
Rep Power: 1601590 |
This is funny on so many levels Lars.
|
12-04-2018, 07:41 PM | #51 | |
HALL OF FAME
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: portal 7 to the 9th exponent
Posts: 16,171
Battle Record: 3-5
Rep Power: 0 |
Awful.
__________________
Quote:
|
|
12-04-2018, 10:29 PM | #52 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 845
Battle Record: 1-0
Rep Power: 6428572 |
Sup netcees I've returned from the land of ice and giants.
Iceland with love
__________________
Quote:
|
|
12-04-2018, 10:47 PM | #53 |
Saul Paul
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: remote location with a remote weapon station
Posts: 6,397
Battle Record: 16-26
Rep Power: 1663348 |
Qualm definitley has qualms.....
__________________
KNOW YOUR MAKER BEFORE YOU'RE MADE TO I know the ledge, his sister's a jumpoff |
12-05-2018, 02:30 AM | #54 | ||
Shrewd as evearthed
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Wolverhampton, England
Posts: 8,251
Battle Record: 28-3
Champed - Gimmick Battle League
- The Winter Topical
- Topical Martyrs
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- Lyric Olympics
- Art of Writing League
- Guerrilla Writing League (2x)
- Black August II
Rep Power: 85899391 |
Quote:
Quote:
I challenged everyone to break down why that verse was good and explained why I felt its garbage and no one refutes it at all, Ryno is legit wack and got lucky because Zelph helped him out to a cheap hollow win Glad ppl are now seeing it for the robbery it is Dullboy’s vote should still count too, even @Ryno can’t refute that
__________________
- Netcees Rebuttal Tourney - Art of Writing League (x 4) - AOWL Season 11 Champion (Undefeated Season) |
||
12-05-2018, 07:38 AM | #55 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 3,986
Battle Record: 11-6
Rep Power: 5633912 |
Your verse sucked you didn’t win
|
12-05-2018, 07:46 AM | #56 |
Shrewd as evearthed
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Wolverhampton, England
Posts: 8,251
Battle Record: 28-3
Champed - Gimmick Battle League
- The Winter Topical
- Topical Martyrs
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- Lyric Olympics
- Art of Writing League
- Guerrilla Writing League (2x)
- Black August II
Rep Power: 85899391 |
You didn’t even get that “3 sheets to the wind” means being drunk or that alcoholics have the shakes and get jaundice which leaves them with yellow skin
The verse is bound to suck if the moronic voter doesn’t have the basic intelligence requirements to understand the lines smfh
__________________
- Netcees Rebuttal Tourney - Art of Writing League (x 4) - AOWL Season 11 Champion (Undefeated Season) |
12-05-2018, 07:50 AM | #57 | |
Badgerdick
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Showdown City
Posts: 2,604
Battle Record: 11-2
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 22685548 |
Quote:
i'll be back to breakdown why my verse was superior for you all later |
|
12-05-2018, 07:53 AM | #58 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 845
Battle Record: 1-0
Rep Power: 6428572 |
Lars go hit a blunt and relax enjoy the finer things in life like Dominican food.
__________________
Quote:
|
|
12-05-2018, 07:56 AM | #59 | |
Retired
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 646
Battle Record: 12-10
Rep Power: 1601590 |
Quote:
|
|
12-05-2018, 09:04 AM | #60 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 3,986
Battle Record: 11-6
Rep Power: 5633912 |
|
Tags |
it was jabari tbh, itt lars shits on wrong verse, new jack lolz, pm bayou if ur feelin blue, poppy opener lolz |
|
|