GWL PLAYOFFS ROUND 1- #6 SCAR (4-3) VS #7 INNO (5-5) INNO WINS/OPEN FOR FEED

[Johnny 6 feet]

GUERRILLA WRITING LEAGUE

@Scar @Inno

Max line: 30

Min: 10

Check in: 48 hours after thread post

DUE DATE: JULY 22ND @ 11:59PM EST

TOPIC:

When the best leader's work is done the people say, ''We did it ourselves.'' -Lao Tzu


GOOD LUCK!

[Scar]

Check

[Inno]

I’m here

[Scar]

"No Heart To Follow"

She stood under the porcelain portico
Rope dangling, soaked in rainwater,
paints coursing in vain, the door partially closed.
The main garden, tainted; A grave warning to those exposed
to the rain. large clumps of stained carpets enclosed
by rustic rows of aged faucets eroded by hail and beating sun.
Roses, ranging from red to strange sludge of leafy lumps
Spring had come and gone, what's left were staunch aromas

“Fred!” said Norma, a red-headed corn-fed ‘brosia
sojourn of time; lovely, fine home-grown gaudy feature.
crosshatch burlap - a throwback to American gothic region

“What’s your problem??” His soft demeanor-
was off-putting. Large and lean from his job as logging leader

“thought you were leaving?” Such harbored feelings -
so poetically entrenched amidst the storm this evening

[Inno]

Clones among the copies, we hide the facts
and bury the truth, digging for answers
along the rips of our dirt filled paper mask's.
clawing out the under tones, searching
for the subtle.
the small things reverberate as we drown
In each ripple...
over zealous, never satisfied, this is common,
even among the thiefs they find comfort.
leeches to societies vein; leaders, hollow
shining amongst the dark, but still avoiding shadows....
designer feelings lead to hand made atrocity
stitching togther individuals with
the finger tips of many.
poor for the poor, rich for the wealthy;
rats to there own race...
Spinning their wheels to the next blasphemy....
Off the backs of many the few reach the pinnacles
So they encourage the crowds until we lose individuals
To have us march along with blinders
No room left for ideas from free thinkers...
Thought drowning in the river
While the struggle reflects insecurities to a broken mirror
seeing themselves not as a sinner
never looking past their own reflections.
So if beauty stands amongst the beholders...
...we are perfection.


In an ocean of lives, they deem themselves waves.
above all.

[Johnny 6 feet]

Scar- A microcosm here. Some really nice imagery in the scene you yet. A very poetic feel to the whole thing with the AB rhyme scheme and your choice of wording. It felt you could've related more strongly to the topic and the length had me wanting more when it ended. Short but sweet.

Inno- Thanks for showing man. More of a general take on the topic. A commentary on group think which is definitely relevant in today's outrage mob world. Some really nice metaphors in here:

'leeches to societies vein; leaders, hollow
shining amongst the dark, but still avoiding shadows....'

'While the struggle reflects insecurities to a broken mirror
seeing themselves not as a sinner
never looking past their own reflections.'

Pretty vivid stuff. Rhyme scheme was straightforward. Your vocab choice was pretty good throughout the piece too.

Vote- inno, for the better connection with the topic. Close one though I feel this could go either way in the votes.

[Universe]

Scar - Defintely a better effort here bro. You have still failed to capture the magic you had earlier on but this was a big step back in the right direction. This had a poetic feel to it that I'm sure Adverse will love lol, but overall it still felt a little half baked to me because of the lack of content. Don't get me wrong, it was still a beautiful thing to read... I just wanted more. But maybe that's what you were going for here. And that's probably a nod to how good of a writer you are that I did in fact, want more...

I was a little confused about which character was which... I thought we were with one then it sort of insinuated that we weren't... maybe I just struggled to follow but it stuck out to me.

Overall, pretty much this whole piece was a highlight in technical proficiency, just content was a little lacking. I REALLY wish it wasn't and that this was a fully fleshed out piece like the Scar of old. This was a teaser, of sorts. Still, good job overall.

Highlights:

"The main garden, tainted; A grave warning to those exposed
to the rain. large clumps of stained carpets enclosed
by rustic rows of aged faucets eroded by hail and beating sun.
Roses, ranging from red to strange sludge of leafy lumps
Spring had come and gone, what's left were staunch aromas..."

- This imagery was insane. I felt like it should've been shot in 4k and zoomed in on as an art piece. That's just the feel I got from this section.


Inno - This was a dope read. The depth of this piece was just stunning. Not as technically sound as Scar's, as there was some choppy moments, but I felt your overall message was clearer and, ironically, actually deeper. I felt Scar stayed on the surface of things and really nailed it in that way, but you went to the depths where it's dark and cold yet managed to make it shine. Your verse was overall just more ambitious.

Highlights:

"designer feelings lead to hand made atrocity
stitching togther individuals with
the finger tips of many.
poor for the poor, rich for the wealthy;
rats to there own race...
Spinning their wheels to the next blasphemy...."

- Deep.

"While the struggle reflects insecurities to a broken mirror
seeing themselves not as a sinner
never looking past their own reflections.
So if beauty stands amongst the beholders...
...we are perfection."

- Damn. Felt.

"In an ocean of lives, they deem themselves waves.
above all."

- Nice closer.

Good battle guys, a close one for sure Scar made a nice comeback but cut himself short. Inno was on his A game here from start to finish but wasn't as precise. I prefered Scar's technical approach but liked Inno's verse a little better overall. Just deeper and not as much of a teaser... Razor close for me, but...

Vote - Inno

Thanks fellas.

[BOOM]

Scar: Damn, this was nice in sections, good imagery and a real nice narration - it read like a section out of an actual book at parts. The highlight was the prose to it, “aged faucets eroded by hail,” etc were deft touches. The format was far from conventional, but it works, defying convention somewhat but still proving effective. There’s definite signs of potential to this, was it maybe too little too late? Only you may really know that, but it certainly felt that from a readers perspective, who knows? You could have been pushed for deadline and forced to submit something quick I guess. This def has its moments though, no where near as bad as some have made out and with a lot to like. On a more technically proficient level than the opponent but that isn’t always the deciding factor for me (though I lean toward it).

Inno stays pulling the rug on those who don’t show up and show out on him. It’s seems he’s the underdog going into a lot of these matches, but he’s got a list of respectable names to his scalps for a reason. I liked the poetic carryovers and tie-ins he had going on in this one, ‘bury the truth, digging for answers,’ is one example from early out the gate. He does that sort of stuff a lot but keeps it subtle and it goes missed by a lot of people I feel. I see you though. I liked the directive, I felt as if you set your stall out early with a clear direction and where you were gonna take it and you did. It was clear cut and delivered sharply, Scar seemed to deliberately avoid that route in search of something bigger but didn’t have the time to develop his piece

Vote - Inno