Round 1: 8. trap vs. 9. Adonis \\ trap wins 5-0

[Certain]

Welcome to Round 1!

The Basics

Check-ins are required by Monday, Aug. 25 at 11:59 p.m. PT. If you don't check in, you will be replaced.

Verses are due Thursday, Aug. 28 at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Sunday, Aug. 31 at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses may not exceed 10 lines. If the length of a writer's lines is called into question, the standard will be 15 words per line, and verses of more than 150 words will be disqualified or required to be shortened.

Standard writing and voting rules are in effect. No biting. No recycling. Votes must be explained. No editing verses after the first vote or the verses deadline. Any other issues will be resolved using Art of Writing League Season 3 rules as the basis.


Topic


Drop Dead Gorgeous


Good luck, @trap and @Adonis.

[trap]

fergie was rough around the edges, from her voice to her tone
she kept her emotions on her sleeve, universally known
her actions spoke louder ... her physicality, a slight flaw
she'd stand with you, never one to back down from a brawl
from all colors, creeds, and races, the attraction was evident
most try to build her up, but there's always a seedy element
they always shot in the dark, going for spots on the heart
but when daylight broke, her shine was re-freshed and over-arched
behind her checkered past was a better tomorrow
hands up, ferguson, heaven's beside you in your sorrow


drop dead gorgeous.

[Adonis]

~A Beautiful Destruction~



Constructing of mountains... Volcanic trash obstructing a view
Molten hues erupting with each element vastly consumed.
Piles bestrewn, disaster welcomed with opened arms of doom.
Paunch looms so it's tucked right after each bust can swoon.
Enlarge this, tighten that; the strongest nation admires a plastic cap.
Blue collars aren't action packed so the movie's adjusted, embellished facts.
Devilish looks are attracted by the most gorgeous of upgrades.
Bionic lips that can't taste, Ironic eyes crying yet look amazed.


I'm paying homage to this homeland we've built
A gorgeous land filled with filth. On the Vine, she painfully wilts.

.

[Split]

Weird battle for me, but I enjoyed the read nonetheless.

Thought Trap didn't have enough room to develop his character, and that Adonis stumbled on his wording in more than a couple places. Adonis almost wrote about a volcano which would have been a sick interpretation of the topic, but instead wrote about America's decay. Great images but awkward wording. Trap wrote about a spunky girl who was the victim of police brutality, and how


I think I liked Trap's take better, and his use of language was more composed. I was enthralled by Adonis's direction, but I think he didn't connect enough to realize his vision for the verse.



Good matchup. Had Trap.

[MMLP]

I liked both spins of the topic, really subtle. Made the piece's a good read

Trap kept a better consistency of writing imo, without trying to do too much. Direct and clear in his approach. Loved how the topic unraveled at the end,

Adonis, i think your angle would of been better suited for a longer verse, it would given you a better platform to explain what you were telling. Seemed to have to squeeze abit too much in and it did make it harder to read and follow. vocabulary range was impressive, lost the structure the rhyming patterns at times

my vote is edged to Trap

[Camarac]

I've got trap winning too here. Good verse for how short it was, really developed though I don't think Split fully got the concept behind trap's piece here. Lol. No idea where the spunky girl thought came from, he must have been living under a rock this month.

Lines like this from Adonis were entirely too many syllables long, and against someone with crisper wording and shorter lines, it really does make every blemish all the more evident:

"Blue collars aren't action packed so the movie's adjusted, embellished facts."

Vote - trap

[timeless]

weird battle. didn't like eithers tbh. Adonis seemed lost in his own words and trap came too basic for my taste. have to give it to trap though for having a more complete feel to it.

v. trap

[Certain]

trap: I really liked this verse, maybe because I've been keeping up with Ferguson more than any other news story despite no connections to the area. You captured a lot of aspects of what led to this crescendo in your fairly thin metaphor. Another thing I liked here is how well you wrote this as a 10-line verse. The directness wouldn't have worked over 30 lines. Everything here was structured for this length. Your rhymes are, as always, solid enough to get the job done without being too impressive.

Adonis: Everyone's writing about social media whores these days, huh? I guess that makes sense. You had a very strong idea for what you were going for but lost yourself with the slow buildup. There also were a few awkward turns of phrase ("Constructing of mountains" and "admires a plastic cap" and "lips that can't taste"). The very last line was great, but the one before it seemed like you were trying to catch up and make sure people got what you were going for, as though you knew some of your word choice made the first eight lines a bit opaque.

Vote: trap