Sound of Life

Objective · 08-02-2021, 11:18 AM

What a silo drum tin essence manage on beats over kicks
to bioluminescent language of deepwater fish,
is where existence will live and frequencies hit
like sonar control that embrace what human features would miss

Create and unfold
a microscopes detail,
with materials tasked
to eventually grasp
the brain of a female

We observe chemical reactions during consensual acts,
and what makes atoms in bedrooms and heirlooms collapse.
Minds expand and combat our past to acts of the present,
then fully evolve to what's destined to last,
then beat their contestant.

I'm thinking too much -
and learning to letting it go...
So, from here on out:
I'll just follow the flow

Alice · 08-14-2021, 05:58 PM

Thought this had a nice flow to it as the lines progressed but some word choices seemed to prevent this from being a smooth read. Your very first line, as an example, is a bit cryptic and longer compared to the rest. The concept could’ve been somewhat interesting if you kept being consistent with your references throughout your lines.

Pharaohs Army · 02-22-2023, 04:51 PM

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Pharaohs Army · 02-24-2023, 08:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Objective

What a silo drum tin essence manage on beats over kicks. to bioluminescent language of deepwater fish, is where existence will live and frequencies hit; like sonar control that embrace what human features would miss.

Create and unfold a microscopes detail, with materials tasked to eventually grasp the brain of a female.

We observe chemical reactions during consensual acts, and what makes atoms in bedrooms and heirlooms collapse. Minds expand and combat our past to acts of the present, then fully evolve to what's destined to last, then beat their contestant.

I'm thinking too much - and learning to letting it go... So, from here on out:
I'll just follow the flow

Not bad at all.
HOW DOES IT FEEL WITH A LONGBAR PROSE STYLE? Took me like 90 seconds.
Just a suggestion...I haven't even vetted it yet, just will post.

I thought it was nice content for the most part--- the opening stanza "bordered" on trying to be a bit too clever, then the rest was more laymen and natural IMO...Nice contemplative and quickey journal written~

08-02-2021, 11:18 AM	#1
Objective ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º) Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,787 Battle Record: 17-32 Rep Power: 52474189	Sound of Life What a silo drum tin essence manage on beats over kicks to bioluminescent language of deepwater fish, is where existence will live and frequencies hit like sonar control that embrace what human features would miss Create and unfold a microscopes detail, with materials tasked to eventually grasp the brain of a female We observe chemical reactions during consensual acts, and what makes atoms in bedrooms and heirlooms collapse. Minds expand and combat our past to acts of the present, then fully evolve to what's destined to last, then beat their contestant. I'm thinking too much - and learning to letting it go... So, from here on out: I'll just follow the flow __________________ I'm not a slave for entertainment, I'm entertainments personal slave, So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave. www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8ozGcGJ6o

08-14-2021, 05:58 PM	#2
Alice Member Join Date: Feb 2018 Posts: 48 Rep Power: 53110	Thought this had a nice flow to it as the lines progressed but some word choices seemed to prevent this from being a smooth read. Your very first line, as an example, is a bit cryptic and longer compared to the rest. The concept could’ve been somewhat interesting if you kept being consistent with your references throughout your lines.

02-22-2023, 04:51 PM	#3
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,962 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	---2023 feed by Sun