07-16-2021, 02:56 PM | #1 |
The Clown Prince
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,016
Battle Record: 35-45
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 59349678 |
Breathe Purple while quoting Steve Urkel
To say the least, the tame pray to beasts
Save their speech until they can claim a feast Brazen beaks circle and await their treat I see you...and even though you wait for me I'll never come like a hand with a tricky thumb Curriculum based outside the windy slum Y'all rode the bench harder than the sticky gum Better off dead than willingly giving up... Tip the scale while walking the balance beam Pleas of insanity, quoting the dregs of humanity Lost in self worth then change came radically Now that's senseless...enter another casualty A canister, a banister...a widow and a camera Broken windows, laughter and Michaelangelo May the art live on when filmed by amateurs... Another day done...mark it off the calendar
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.....laugh....and the world laughs with you |
07-17-2021, 01:31 AM | #2 |
killa
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 820
Battle Record: 1-6
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this was dope, the mich drop was hot and the gum flip sunk it for me real cool dude
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A-double scribble - A 19 th century euphemism for ass |
07-25-2021, 06:52 AM | #3 |
Shakespearian Dialect
Join Date: Mar 2020
Location: Brooklyn, NY --> Allentown, PA
Posts: 1,022
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doooooopppeeee...
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08-03-2021, 12:13 PM | #4 |
( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,783
Battle Record: 17-32
Rep Power: 52474189 |
Short and sweet like your pieces often are. Definitely enjoyed reading this!
My only critique that I can see would be the opener. Instead of "they can claim", why not "until they claim"? To me that'd follow the rhythmic pattern a bit better + be a bit more poignant and to the point. At least to me this reads better and hits harder with no vague points as to what the tame would do: To say the least, the tame pray to beasts Save their speech until they claim a feast That said tho, enjoyed this a lot, dope write up
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I'm not a slave for entertainment, I'm entertainments personal slave,
So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave. www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8ozGcGJ6o |
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