Zelph vs Wanderer - WANDERER WINS BY NS

Sharp · 07-05-2021, 09:58 PM

The Summer Classic

Due: Thursday, 7/8 @ 11:59 PST
24hr ext available but must be requested before verse is due
Line Limit: 10-16 lines
*can increase if both agree

NO biting
NO swaying
NO feeding
Don't edit after your opponent has posted
2nd person to post can't edit after the first vote comes in
Don't be an idiot
Don't use your opponent's pic unless it's a pic battle
May God have mercy on your souls
@Smod of War @Wanderer

Wanderer · 07-06-2021, 06:45 AM

10?

Smod of War · 07-06-2021, 06:57 AM

10 it is

Good luck wandy

Smod of War · 07-08-2021, 01:40 PM

Ext

Wanderer · 07-08-2021, 05:52 PM

Yep

Wanderer · 07-09-2021, 05:47 AM

Sup lippy.??
Covid restrictions easing has families moved to tears
While a face mask was the best thing to happen to u in years
Won our last 4 or 5 now where’s the trash pile I’m dumpin u in
Failed multiple times with Wand so it’s clear u can’t conjure a win
Recycling, biting, DQ’s?? time to consider retirement
now I’m recycling too.. disposing of u only helps this environment
Requirement is proof bloods been spilled when the blades expel ya
S’why my boys off to hunt a princess with a heart container like they playing Zelda
Zelph bruh ya trolling, facts.. not from my streets or holding gats
If u say ‘there’s only 1 way out the hood’ it’s coz u live in a cul de sac
@Smod of War

Sharp · 07-10-2021, 10:02 AM

Covid restrictions easing has families moved to tears
While a face mask was the best thing to happen to u in years
the punch is basic, which isn't necessarily bad. but it means you probably could have said all that with fewer words and added in some more harsh language for the sake of sting. Trying to work in words like 'deformed' or whatever would help elevate this from a jab to a solid hit.
Won our last 4 or 5 now where’s the trash pile I’m dumpin u in
Failed multiple times with Wand so it’s clear u can’t conjure a win
ha. I like this. It's light, but perfect for an early verse punch. Funny, short, helps the flow of things from the reader's perspective.
Recycling, biting, DQ’s?? time to consider retirement
now I’m recycling too.. disposing of u only helps this environment
actually cool
Requirement is proof bloods been spilled when the blades expel ya
S’why my boys off to hunt a princess with a heart container like they playing Zelda
this is the kind of thing that would maybe work live, but seeing it written out and thinking about it has me going 'tf is a heart container doing'. I overdo this kind of bar too often so I can't criticize too much (I know the allure) and it's not terrible in a vacuum.

However, I think when you're making these references you kind of have to work the other way around (or at least think about it that way after it's written). Start with the real world thing (gun, knife, etc), then the way to flip it (stick, gat, whatever) then try to work it into a punch. Just my opinion though.
Zelph bruh ya trolling, facts.. not from my streets or holding gats
If u say ‘there’s only 1 way out the hood’ it’s coz u live in a cul de sac
teehee. Light but funny. I fuck with it

You were consistent, I'd say 4 out of 5 concepts worked for me. For the next round, you might want to try rewording some of these bars to be a little meaner - see the feedback on your opener for what I mean - because you have most of it down, could just use a little sting

Cereal · 07-10-2021, 10:12 AM

dope verse dude, working with what you had it was very professional.. vocab solid very street.. structure dope and flow was hot punches there.. all in all pretty cool

Mac · 07-10-2021, 10:58 AM

Sup lippy.??
Covid restrictions easing has families moved to tears
While a face mask was the best thing to happen to u in years
pretty simple, a bit more complexion would've made this hit better for me

Won our last 4 or 5 now where’s the trash pile I’m dumpin u in
Failed multiple times with Wand so it’s clear u can’t conjure a win
nice

Recycling, biting, DQ’s?? time to consider retirement
now I’m recycling too.. disposing of u only helps this environment
cool.. its kinda played though

Requirement is proof bloods been spilled when the blades expel ya
S’why my boys off to hunt a princess with a heart container like they playing Zelda
not getting this.. probably cuz I never played Zelda

Zelph bruh ya trolling, facts.. not from my streets or holding gats
If u say ‘there’s only 1 way out the hood’ it’s coz u live in a cul de sac
lol decent

UPN Zuch · 07-10-2021, 11:00 PM

Zelph is a fucking bitch. Would have lost anyway per usual.

07-06-2021, 06:57 AM	#3
Smod of War My avatar is a man, urGAY Join Date: Aug 2018 Posts: 373 Battle Record: 2-5 Rep Power: 1718004	10 it is Good luck wandy __________________ Beautiful No one looks at dolls in a sexual manor A doll can be naked and never feel shy or sexualized or degraded

07-08-2021, 01:40 PM	#4
Smod of War My avatar is a man, urGAY Join Date: Aug 2018 Posts: 373 Battle Record: 2-5 Rep Power: 1718004	Ext __________________ Beautiful No one looks at dolls in a sexual manor A doll can be naked and never feel shy or sexualized or degraded

07-09-2021, 05:47 AM	#6
Wanderer Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2015 Location: England Posts: 587 Battle Record: 24-33 Champed - NPL Roast Rep Power: 7457538	Sup lippy.?? Covid restrictions easing has families moved to tears While a face mask was the best thing to happen to u in years Won our last 4 or 5 now where’s the trash pile I’m dumpin u in Failed multiple times with Wand so it’s clear u can’t conjure a win Recycling, biting, DQ’s?? time to consider retirement now I’m recycling too.. disposing of u only helps this environment Requirement is proof bloods been spilled when the blades expel ya S’why my boys off to hunt a princess with a heart container like they playing Zelda Zelph bruh ya trolling, facts.. not from my streets or holding gats If u say ‘there’s only 1 way out the hood’ it’s coz u live in a cul de sac @Smod of War Last edited by Sharp; 07-09-2021 at 07:02 AM. Reason: @'d zelph

07-10-2021, 10:12 AM	#8
Cereal killa Join Date: Jun 2018 Posts: 820 Battle Record: 1-6 Rep Power: 1312296	dope verse dude, working with what you had it was very professional.. vocab solid very street.. structure dope and flow was hot punches there.. all in all pretty cool __________________ A-double scribble - A 19 th century euphemism for ass

07-06-2021, 06:45 AM	#2
Wanderer Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2015 Location: England Posts: 587 Battle Record: 24-33 Champed - NPL Roast Rep Power: 7457538	10?

07-08-2021, 05:52 PM	#5
Wanderer Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2015 Location: England Posts: 587 Battle Record: 24-33 Champed - NPL Roast Rep Power: 7457538	Yep

07-10-2021, 10:58 AM	#9
Mac Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 480 Battle Record: 7-12 Rep Power: 1856618	Sup lippy.?? Covid restrictions easing has families moved to tears While a face mask was the best thing to happen to u in years pretty simple, a bit more complexion would've made this hit better for me Won our last 4 or 5 now where’s the trash pile I’m dumpin u in Failed multiple times with Wand so it’s clear u can’t conjure a win nice Recycling, biting, DQ’s?? time to consider retirement now I’m recycling too.. disposing of u only helps this environment cool.. its kinda played though Requirement is proof bloods been spilled when the blades expel ya S’why my boys off to hunt a princess with a heart container like they playing Zelda not getting this.. probably cuz I never played Zelda Zelph bruh ya trolling, facts.. not from my streets or holding gats If u say ‘there’s only 1 way out the hood’ it’s coz u live in a cul de sac lol decent