04-20-2020, 12:09 PM | #1 |
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Week 5: Sinacog vs Candy CANDY WINS
GUERRILLA WRITING LEAGUE @Sinacog @Candy Max line: 30 Min: 10 Check in: 48 hours after thread post Due date: April 24, 2020 MIDNIGHT EST TIME Topic: This week we have 7 battles so we are doing a 7 deadly sins themed topic this week. You will receive one of the 7 deadly sins. All you have to do is incorporate the sin into your story any way you choose. Think of it as a jumping off point to something broader. Enjoy! Your topic is : GREED GOODLUCK! Last edited by Inno; 04-27-2020 at 11:58 AM. |
04-20-2020, 12:45 PM | #2 |
Sell Her
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check..
http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=142854 http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=142850 http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=142855
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curious más curioso y más curioso
.. Last edited by Candy; 04-24-2020 at 09:24 PM. |
04-21-2020, 06:27 AM | #3 |
Satan
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Topic - GREED
There's was once' a red devil; he tortured scantallationed destiny demons The recipe heathen; the obvious oblivion; the serpent from the chameleon He killed two thousand demons with a scimitar and blade; the harbinger of death The armor from the plague; the martyr from the death/depth I am the devil from another level; I want death for the millions I killed the devil and demon's in hell; I am on another level I am the devil; a red devil; a red devil of light I want hell to be relinquished into hell's pit; hell's hill I am the devil on another level; I killed millions of devil's and demons I am a red devil; I will kill the devil Satan or Lucifer The hate of a future burn; the hate of the universe I am the masturbation of the universe; the creation of future burns I am the devil; I was born from a demon's womb I consume food from the womb of ambient zoom! I am the devil; and I have a sword and scimitar I killed the devil while he's sleeping, I am 'THE DEVIL'! |
04-21-2020, 11:24 AM | #4 |
Sell Her
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Topic - Greed
there was a name and ten cents of silver paint a soul of a serial killer coined a clown saving face the books pages canter in each crumbled bleed from fingers licked like chicken was its fumbled creed yet a human follows blindly by its sense that the art will guide to the end of repent he hacks and he slashes gashes in ass's assets a facet of factious acts like gas's expansion the death penalty approaching closer then close the jails protestors talk as much as the walls hold he sits and he ponders under breath open the knives used and filed still remain broken as the biblical storm he engulfed reacts the tracks of light he will find have folded back in vomits and spits before his bed pan the forgiveness shakes the sheets and the pillows head span spirits as last meal, fluid easy to reject frame lucid, its a shame he got raped after his dead
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curious más curioso y más curioso
.. Last edited by Candy; 04-21-2020 at 11:27 AM. |
04-21-2020, 01:06 PM | #5 |
Everything's Connected
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Sinacog - Sinacog does what Sinacog does here; Drops a random half assed verse that makes sense to no one but him. He even felt it was necessary to include a "I am the masterbation of the universe" line, which disturbed me. But, yeah, par for the course I suppose.
Candy - This verse needed a lot of work... I mean a lot. But at least you kind of keyed in on your topic. I found some decent moments here and there. Next time just don't rush to post so quick... I want to see more effort from you going forward. Not that it was needed here... but still. Vote - MMLP's last weeks verse... ... aka Candyman.
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..Passed the Present and Future.. |
04-21-2020, 06:28 PM | #6 |
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Sinacog- i honestly cant tell at this point if you're trolling or you actually write like this. i couldnt even read it all because it's basically an insult to the craft. wish you'd take it more seriously because you may be shocked to discover what you're capable of when you actually try.
Candy- again, this seemed like a piece i'd read in the open mic cypher. a quick key, scattered with grammatical errors and awkward wording. like "death penalty approaching closer then close" like come on man, you can do better than that. it just seemed lazy, thrown together on the spot and posted without any effort to edit first. and like Universe said, that's the problem with posting so early because it goes against you. this seemed more like a bullet list of ideas for what you were gonna write about more than it was a verse. you win by default here v/ Candy |
04-23-2020, 04:37 AM | #7 |
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Yeah I mean both seemed keystyled, no real meaning or effort put into either for whatever reason, I dunno
I can only echo whats been said really, otherwise just rehashing stuff Yeah, Candy wins this time I guess! |
04-23-2020, 12:09 PM | #8 |
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oh man lulz
age, i wish you'd go back to your wold ways man. whatever point you are trying to make, you did it, now lets get on with it. i find it very hard to believe that one single lost on RR caused you to go crazy like this. why, my man? knock it off. candy, i find your writing palpable. my only qualm is that it lacked direction. you remind me of curator. he's really good but i always have a hard time grasping what yall niggas talkin about. like what are you talking about? i wish all these pretty pictures are reinforced by a more tangible voice you know? v/ candy |
04-24-2020, 01:58 PM | #9 | |||||||
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What an extraordinary battle, one worthy of an in-depth breakdown for sure.
Sinacog: I enjoyed the use of you as the devil in the first person perspective; that was interesting to me at least given your obvious religious choice, so to assume the role of the Devil was a particular standout. I initially thought you were going to tell us a linear narrative story but. You notably switch stance from this in the opener where you speak about this Devil: Quote:
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Candy: I enjoyed your flow to this, there was a natural rhythmic cadence of implied rhythm sustained by the rhyme placement and choices employed. I especially liked the use of the word “canter” which I found interesting. It helped to set the timeframe of the story up, I felt, as did the olde worlde sounding “fumbled creed” a little further on. It gave you a “tone” to your verse and places it firmly in a past timeline: Quote:
Quote:
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Great battle guys! Last edited by Clutbuck; 04-24-2020 at 03:49 PM. |
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04-24-2020, 02:55 PM | #10 |
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Didn't really catch the topic in either verse they both seemed a bit random. Which is expected from Sinacog, i think Candy just followed suit and keyed up a quick response to claim his win. I liked Candy's rhyme schemes quite a bit, the multies made the flow connect well and kept it fun to read but to me the narrative wasn't super compelling. Had some decent stuff sprinkled throughout and the whole "spirits of his last meal" thing was cool to me, i don't know there was a little bit of okay imagery but you can tell the lack of effort on Candy's part and Sinacog refusing to heed any actual advice and keep writing the same stuff he has been on the other side.
V/Candy verse was better and a little more relevant to the topic |
04-27-2020, 12:33 AM | #11 |
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V candy by process of elimination
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