01-23-2020, 12:38 AM | #1 |
Banned
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,962
Battle Record: 6 - 14
Rep Power: 0 |
Inspire me
Inspire me. Treat me like a puppet and wire me. Tired of my job-- fire me.
They say text is dead! That's only because I've been resting in my bed. Wrote the first two lines-- the rest is in my head. I'll believe anything, unless it's what you said. I've tried it before. Trying to conform to societal norms. Inside my mind is a war, but I try to ignore. I've learned lately, that time doesn't warp. I'm just taking the time to find phrases that rhyme. Who ghostwrote this? Maybe it's mine.(because) I'm prolific; the most gifted, and SO twisted. You're simply lame; I'm critically acclaimed. Any time I make a flex piece? It stresses me, because there's no philosophical lessons B. Basically bored, so I'll write something and say it some more. And when I'm done I'll find a hot woman and make her my whore. Then make her do chores. It's absurd. (It's)as if I was a nerd. Always thinking about words. I just walk around flipping the bird. Yo, you can copy me, but I did it first. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rnv220dVmZc https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOK7rXD1fG8 Last edited by Pharaohs Army; 01-23-2020 at 12:45 AM. |
01-23-2020, 01:59 AM | #2 |
low tide in serotonin bay
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,738
Battle Record: 37-28
Champed - GWL Picture Challenge
- Guerrilla Writing League
- Black August II
Rep Power: 15446142 |
This read like a Charles Hamilton track tbh. Could tell you're bored and need inspired, we could all use a bit of that sometimes
|
01-23-2020, 02:25 AM | #3 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,376
Battle Record: 26-32
Rep Power: 1309741 |
I liked the first line and the last line.
I didnt like anything else. But I really liked those two lines, sorta misdirection on the punch. |
01-23-2020, 03:09 AM | #4 |
............
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,938
Battle Record: 3-3
Rep Power: 0 |
Inspire yourself nigga...
|
01-23-2020, 06:07 PM | #5 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,123
Battle Record: 1-1
Champed - Guerrilla writing league
Rep Power: 19240092 |
this piece just seemed like you were freewriting and not really trying, more venting in some parts. lines like "my mind is a war" could be strengthened with imagery to that shit. I've seen better from you
|
01-23-2020, 07:19 PM | #6 |
Banned
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,962
Battle Record: 6 - 14
Rep Power: 0 |
Thanks. It's more like something with consistent technical rhymes that I can actually rap Ok. But I'll write something deeper next time
|
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|