2triple0 vs Mr. J - MJ 6-0

sral · 10-24-2015, 06:17 PM

Topic:

Nosferatu The Vampyre

"The absence of love is the most abject pain."

Mr. J · 10-24-2015, 06:58 PM

@2tripple0

you want this W.......

or do you prefer the L.....

choose your journey

2tripple0 · 10-25-2015, 05:19 AM

lol im ambitious I guess.......

2tripple0 · 10-27-2015, 03:40 PM

im a bloodsucker and I fancy your plum juices
like stealing boulders im digging up some ancient ruins
i'd cut to the chase but i'd rather rip out your organs
and ya bloodline thick like a forest so i'll have to freeman like morgan
your heart pounding and jumping out of your chest
I love the taste of ya flesh but I don't have many friends
except ya dame she got me nailed to a coffin
if it weren't for oxygen,
you petty lame human, youd be in a grave rotting
im giving you a heart attack
best be ready for my vampire tracks
ill suck on your neck and put your body in the trash
ive been an immortal for over six hundred years
about the same time America was discovered by Europeans
but life is still short since crucifixes can damage this demon
since its just like onions they kill my kind so don't call me vegan
ive travelled many regions and killed off twenty to thirty regions
you could do several interpretations but this ones more serious
cause once the night comes ill be searching for more then just jesus
gotta end this tight cause the suns coming out soon
and you may think im a goon.....but Im so crazy I howl at the moon

21. match.

Mr. J · 10-27-2015, 11:59 PM

Now...You can walk any corner & step into any store..
Every movie that's remade; its all the same as before.
make up what you need, with the mask your reborn..
using every idea, but everyone keeps asking for more!
a disease & a cure, what lies in the heart? eternity..
with whats at stake.. this dull fate seems like an absurdity
how can one be worry free when the modern allure is weak
damn them! I think to myself..I think otherworldly.
my sight lowers & I feel compelled to up & call it quits..
my journey has meant nothing, its built on broken promises
the color drains from my face, frozen by the ominous..
collapsing to one knee, I stared into eyes where darkness crept
my fate was sealed....

I picked myself up & went to the front counter...
paid the 3.99 & rented a classic for the next 72 hours...

CopyPat · 10-29-2015, 02:01 AM

lol this wasn't the best battle... ahahah mj doing just enough to win

twotripleohohohohoh: ur verse read like a 15 year old rapping about vampires. u had all the telltale signs. one and 2 syllable rhymes that even then were slanty. EXACT literal direct take on the pic...top notch wordplay like vegan and morgan freeman and very basic scheming and vocab. im quite sure ur verse itself was scarier than the pic. if that was somehow ur intention then this might be a hof verse but reading ur OM and cypher posts i know it was not.

MJ- i literally had this same idea at first for my pic when i could not fuckin think of ANYTHING. i was just gonna write about the horror genre in general though. ur renting of the actual movie was a much better idea. i can tell u didn't put a lot into this haha but it was enough to win as i said earlier. WAY fresher idea on the pic and obviously better mechanically. pretty straight forward win here. you and i both know you'll have to do better than this going forward but i understand the concept of pacing urself lol. hopefully u don't take a miss-step in ur next match though due to getting outta the groove and letting urself take it easy a little.

VOTE : MJ for better everything

Exis · 10-29-2015, 03:15 AM

2tripple - Um...yeah, that was horrendous in all honesty, shit was painful to read thru.Some of your wordin' really is on some adolescent thing...it's just awful in so many ways...like when you post in general half the stuff is idk yo...anal.

Mr. J - Thought the approach was refreshin' to echo Copy...whole rentin' a movie shit was nice...obv could of went harder yet there was no need, decent for your standards bro.

Vote - Mr. J...need I say more?

MMLP · 10-29-2015, 07:55 AM

Trips – So it’s about a werewolf, u subtly portrayed a werewolf as a vampire?
This didn’t lead anywhere for me and was hard to grasp your overall concept.
There seemed more rhyming though in pieces and was structured in places, so a little improvement from last week in that sense. But your work wasn’t too inspiring this week.

J – You respected the line match, fair play for that. (I accidently didn’t a few weeks back, as my piece was all but finished at the time).
Clearly keyed and it showed, as your usual rhyming display not on display here.
Felt like you were hoping the comical twist at the end would save the day and be enough to get the W over Tipple.
Lucky for you it was.

Onwards and upwards lads!

v/ Mr J

timeless · 10-29-2015, 10:34 AM

"Like I'm stealing boulders I'm digging up ancient ruins." - what?

"Bloodline thick like a forest so I have to Freeman like Morgan" - the fuck?

"Love the taste of ya flesh but I don't have many friends." - oook.

"Onions kill my kind so don't call me a vegan." - lmao

"Traveled many regions and killed off twenty or thirty regions" - come on bro.

I really just can't understand trips thought process when he writes. I haven't even seen any improvement at all. He just doesn't care for critique and keeps freestyling with his thoughts. Get it together fool and take notes and read more.

J - you fucking clown. Doing just enough to win here obviously. The ending was coolin. Not much else to say really aside from this is one of your worst verses.

V. J

asylum · 10-29-2015, 11:49 PM

2k – back off my plum juices, brah. I kinda lol’d at the freeman like morgan part. Your character seems lonely. Perhaps he should stop eating his companions? I liked this.
about the same time America was discovered by Europeans
but life is still short since crucifixes can damage this demon
your assonance wasn’t perfect, I probably would have said can’t damage my demons so the y’s lined up as well. It was off but I liked this bar. And just so you know, it’s garlic that vampires do not like. Not onions. Lol. I guess they are in the same family of plant… “gotta end this tight,” no. never acknowledge the fact you are writing the piece in the actual words of the piece. It just is bad practice and never ends well. And you did kind of switch from vampires to wherewolves, as was said before. But in the end, this piece is an improvement for you. I suggest you put somebody intellectual like sage francis into Pandora and listen to all the different things it plays for you. Get a feeling for what hiphop is. PM me if you would like music suggestions.

J – I liked your approach. If I could have rented blockbuster for 3 days back in the day.. heh.. anyways. Your character was pretty upset near the end about a movie rental. But hey, you knew youd win. You did.

/j but in all reality his brevity nearly cost him a vote from me. 2k tried his ass off. You coulda written more.

The Law · 10-30-2015, 08:43 AM

Triple - did not approach the topic very well and the flow was off in some parts. It really didn't have a complete beginning and end for a verse either. It was just lines thrown together trying to point towards the topic. Some of the smilies you were trying to use do not fit the verse or the references very well for that matter. In my honest opinion, I'm not sure you could have turned this verse into a winning one. Rather crumple the paper up, toss in the can and start writing or over again.

Mr j - haha a bit short but this was a pretty awesome approach to both the picture and the quotation. Flowed really well also. Besides it being short there isn't much else I can critique on it other than I really enjoyed this drop, it was unique.

Mvgt: mr j - better in all areas

Adonis · 10-30-2015, 04:02 PM

MJ 6-0

2TRIPPLE0 CATCHES ONE

10-24-2015, 06:17 PM	#1
sral Shrewd as evearthed Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: Wolverhampton, England Posts: 8,255 Battle Record: 28-3 Champed - Gimmick Battle League - The Winter Topical - Topical Martyrs - Lime Green Poetry Association - Lyric Olympics - Art of Writing League - Guerrilla Writing League (2x) - Black August II Rep Power: 85899391	2triple0 vs Mr. J - MJ 6-0 Topic: Nosferatu The Vampyre "The absence of love is the most abject pain." __________________ - Netcees Rebuttal Tourney - Art of Writing League (x 4) - AOWL Season 11 Champion (Undefeated Season) Last edited by Adonis; 10-30-2015 at 04:02 PM.

10-24-2015, 06:58 PM	#2
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,024 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349678	@2tripple0 you want this W....... or do you prefer the L..... choose your journey __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

10-25-2015, 05:19 AM	#3
2tripple0 death warmed over Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Downstairs illstreet dam Posts: 2,564 Battle Record: 6-21 Rep Power: 0	lol im ambitious I guess....... __________________ https://soundcloud.com/user-876573949/ https://soundcloud.com/user-634430314/

10-27-2015, 03:40 PM	#4
2tripple0 death warmed over Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Downstairs illstreet dam Posts: 2,564 Battle Record: 6-21 Rep Power: 0	im a bloodsucker and I fancy your plum juices like stealing boulders im digging up some ancient ruins i'd cut to the chase but i'd rather rip out your organs and ya bloodline thick like a forest so i'll have to freeman like morgan your heart pounding and jumping out of your chest I love the taste of ya flesh but I don't have many friends except ya dame she got me nailed to a coffin if it weren't for oxygen, you petty lame human, youd be in a grave rotting im giving you a heart attack best be ready for my vampire tracks ill suck on your neck and put your body in the trash ive been an immortal for over six hundred years about the same time America was discovered by Europeans but life is still short since crucifixes can damage this demon since its just like onions they kill my kind so don't call me vegan ive travelled many regions and killed off twenty to thirty regions you could do several interpretations but this ones more serious cause once the night comes ill be searching for more then just jesus gotta end this tight cause the suns coming out soon and you may think im a goon.....but Im so crazy I howl at the moon 21. match. __________________ https://soundcloud.com/user-876573949/ https://soundcloud.com/user-634430314/

10-27-2015, 11:59 PM	#5
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,024 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349678	Now...You can walk any corner & step into any store.. Every movie that's remade; its all the same as before. make up what you need, with the mask your reborn.. using every idea, but everyone keeps asking for more! a disease & a cure, what lies in the heart? eternity.. with whats at stake.. this dull fate seems like an absurdity how can one be worry free when the modern allure is weak damn them! I think to myself..I think otherworldly. my sight lowers & I feel compelled to up & call it quits.. my journey has meant nothing, its built on broken promises the color drains from my face, frozen by the ominous.. collapsing to one knee, I stared into eyes where darkness crept my fate was sealed.... I picked myself up & went to the front counter... paid the 3.99 & rented a classic for the next 72 hours... __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

10-29-2015, 02:01 AM	#6
CopyPat Mic Check Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Calgary Alberta Canada Posts: 707 Battle Record: 13-10 Rep Power: 3742221	lol this wasn't the best battle... ahahah mj doing just enough to win twotripleohohohohoh: ur verse read like a 15 year old rapping about vampires. u had all the telltale signs. one and 2 syllable rhymes that even then were slanty. EXACT literal direct take on the pic...top notch wordplay like vegan and morgan freeman and very basic scheming and vocab. im quite sure ur verse itself was scarier than the pic. if that was somehow ur intention then this might be a hof verse but reading ur OM and cypher posts i know it was not. MJ- i literally had this same idea at first for my pic when i could not fuckin think of ANYTHING. i was just gonna write about the horror genre in general though. ur renting of the actual movie was a much better idea. i can tell u didn't put a lot into this haha but it was enough to win as i said earlier. WAY fresher idea on the pic and obviously better mechanically. pretty straight forward win here. you and i both know you'll have to do better than this going forward but i understand the concept of pacing urself lol. hopefully u don't take a miss-step in ur next match though due to getting outta the groove and letting urself take it easy a little. VOTE : MJ for better everything __________________ My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete.

10-29-2015, 03:15 AM	#7
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,938 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	2tripple - Um...yeah, that was horrendous in all honesty, shit was painful to read thru.Some of your wordin' really is on some adolescent thing...it's just awful in so many ways...like when you post in general half the stuff is idk yo...anal. Mr. J - Thought the approach was refreshin' to echo Copy...whole rentin' a movie shit was nice...obv could of went harder yet there was no need, decent for your standards bro. Vote - Mr. J...need I say more?

10-29-2015, 07:55 AM	#8
MMLP Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 600 Battle Record: 15-16 Champed - Write Week 9 Rep Power: 9768087	Trips – So it’s about a werewolf, u subtly portrayed a werewolf as a vampire? This didn’t lead anywhere for me and was hard to grasp your overall concept. There seemed more rhyming though in pieces and was structured in places, so a little improvement from last week in that sense. But your work wasn’t too inspiring this week. J – You respected the line match, fair play for that. (I accidently didn’t a few weeks back, as my piece was all but finished at the time). Clearly keyed and it showed, as your usual rhyming display not on display here. Felt like you were hoping the comical twist at the end would save the day and be enough to get the W over Tipple. Lucky for you it was. Onwards and upwards lads! v/ Mr J

10-29-2015, 10:34 AM	#9
timeless past tense Join Date: Nov 2013 Location: NJ Posts: 1,627 Battle Record: 22-39 Rep Power: 4341325	"Like I'm stealing boulders I'm digging up ancient ruins." - what? "Bloodline thick like a forest so I have to Freeman like Morgan" - the fuck? "Love the taste of ya flesh but I don't have many friends." - oook. "Onions kill my kind so don't call me a vegan." - lmao "Traveled many regions and killed off twenty or thirty regions" - come on bro. I really just can't understand trips thought process when he writes. I haven't even seen any improvement at all. He just doesn't care for critique and keeps freestyling with his thoughts. Get it together fool and take notes and read more. J - you fucking clown. Doing just enough to win here obviously. The ending was coolin. Not much else to say really aside from this is one of your worst verses. V. J

10-29-2015, 11:49 PM	#10
asylum Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 993 Battle Record: 7-5 Rep Power: 8214208	2k – back off my plum juices, brah. I kinda lol’d at the freeman like morgan part. Your character seems lonely. Perhaps he should stop eating his companions? I liked this. about the same time America was discovered by Europeans but life is still short since crucifixes can damage this demon your assonance wasn’t perfect, I probably would have said can’t damage my demons so the y’s lined up as well. It was off but I liked this bar. And just so you know, it’s garlic that vampires do not like. Not onions. Lol. I guess they are in the same family of plant… “gotta end this tight,” no. never acknowledge the fact you are writing the piece in the actual words of the piece. It just is bad practice and never ends well. And you did kind of switch from vampires to wherewolves, as was said before. But in the end, this piece is an improvement for you. I suggest you put somebody intellectual like sage francis into Pandora and listen to all the different things it plays for you. Get a feeling for what hiphop is. PM me if you would like music suggestions. J – I liked your approach. If I could have rented blockbuster for 3 days back in the day.. heh.. anyways. Your character was pretty upset near the end about a movie rental. But hey, you knew youd win. You did. /j but in all reality his brevity nearly cost him a vote from me. 2k tried his ass off. You coulda written more.

10-30-2015, 08:43 AM	#11
The Law Member Join Date: Jun 2013 Posts: 86 Battle Record: 3-2 Rep Power: 238316	Triple - did not approach the topic very well and the flow was off in some parts. It really didn't have a complete beginning and end for a verse either. It was just lines thrown together trying to point towards the topic. Some of the smilies you were trying to use do not fit the verse or the references very well for that matter. In my honest opinion, I'm not sure you could have turned this verse into a winning one. Rather crumple the paper up, toss in the can and start writing or over again. Mr j - haha a bit short but this was a pretty awesome approach to both the picture and the quotation. Flowed really well also. Besides it being short there isn't much else I can critique on it other than I really enjoyed this drop, it was unique. Mvgt: mr j - better in all areas __________________

10-30-2015, 04:02 PM	#12
Adonis Tsk Tsk Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Beer Goggles Posts: 4,834 Battle Record: 36-34 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - NFL Pick'em 2016-17 Rep Power: 9946446	MJ 6-0 2TRIPPLE0 CATCHES ONE __________________ I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is TUPAC SHAKUR