Lunchables

Quarter O · 12-21-2015, 02:12 AM

Grown man biz so don't monkey with apes
you all lunchables, squares with sum cheese to take nigga
... How sad fag don't got a proud dad, round jabs,
you wouldn't pack a punch with brown bags
I dust off my psyche, polish my thoughts from saw dust
from the chainsaw - cranium trauma
sawed off dog my think tank matter makes sparks fly
impenetrable, can't get in my head thoughts barb wired
flying objects with my mind, magneto powers,
I'll move the crowd if they got metal on em
I get my X on, the days of futures past
"I'm just being honest" waiting the days of Future pass,
the youths our future at hand grasp
Mikai phifer, call yourself the future but can't rap,
yea I rap and had some what of a sheltered up bringing
but that's similar to Slim, at the Shelter up swinging.

Strikta · 12-21-2015, 02:20 AM

This was not good.

U have potential tho.

Quarter O · 12-21-2015, 10:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Strikta

This was not good.

U have potential tho.

Can you give a lil detail why you felt this wasn't good? Just saying it ain't good doesn't really help.

Strikta · 12-21-2015, 01:07 PM

There is zero substance & alot of ur wording is awkward imo.

Easy to tell u rushed writing this.

Quarter O · 12-21-2015, 01:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Strikta

There is zero substance & alot of ur wording is awkward imo.

Easy to tell u rushed writing this.

Good lookin on elaborating! Now I gotta ask what do you mean by awkward wording?? Can i get a example from my verse where u thought the wording was awkward if thats not too much to ask.

I searched sum of your stuff. Must say I value your opinion..you nice with yours!

sral · 12-21-2015, 05:19 PM

I liked it

Quarter O · 12-21-2015, 09:23 PM

Good lookin sral

Exis · 12-24-2015, 03:32 AM

Nah.

12-21-2015, 02:12 AM	#1
Quarter O Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2015 Posts: 109 Rep Power: 0	Lunchables Grown man biz so don't monkey with apes you all lunchables, squares with sum cheese to take nigga ... How sad fag don't got a proud dad, round jabs, you wouldn't pack a punch with brown bags I dust off my psyche, polish my thoughts from saw dust from the chainsaw - cranium trauma sawed off dog my think tank matter makes sparks fly impenetrable, can't get in my head thoughts barb wired flying objects with my mind, magneto powers, I'll move the crowd if they got metal on em I get my X on, the days of futures past "I'm just being honest" waiting the days of Future pass, the youths our future at hand grasp Mikai phifer, call yourself the future but can't rap, yea I rap and had some what of a sheltered up bringing but that's similar to Slim, at the Shelter up swinging. Last edited by Quarter O; 12-21-2015 at 09:34 PM.

12-21-2015, 05:19 PM	#6
sral Shrewd as evearthed Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: Wolverhampton, England Posts: 8,255 Battle Record: 28-3 Champed - Gimmick Battle League - The Winter Topical - Topical Martyrs - Lime Green Poetry Association - Lyric Olympics - Art of Writing League - Guerrilla Writing League (2x) - Black August II Rep Power: 85899391	I liked it __________________ - Netcees Rebuttal Tourney - Art of Writing League (x 4) - AOWL Season 11 Champion (Undefeated Season)

12-21-2015, 02:20 AM	#2
Strikta 39 NS, lost in votes once Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 11,242 Battle Record: 32-40 Champed - Time to Kill X - Write Week III Rep Power: 84181449	This was not good. U have potential tho.

12-21-2015, 01:07 PM	#4
Strikta 39 NS, lost in votes once Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 11,242 Battle Record: 32-40 Champed - Time to Kill X - Write Week III Rep Power: 84181449	There is zero substance & alot of ur wording is awkward imo. Easy to tell u rushed writing this.

12-21-2015, 09:23 PM	#7
Quarter O Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2015 Posts: 109 Rep Power: 0	Good lookin sral

12-24-2015, 03:32 AM	#8
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,938 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	Nah.