WEEK 7 CONTENDER: Innovator vs. Ullr - (Innovator wins)

Vulgar · 08-10-2015, 10:30 PM

LGPA Season 1: Week 7

@Innovator @Ullr

Check ins: Tuesday (Midnight Eastern time)
Poems Due: Friday (Midnight Eastern time)
Votes due: Sunday (Midnight Eastern time)

Topic:

Specific narrator week: Write from the perspective of a shepherd.

Good luck.

Inno · 08-10-2015, 10:50 PM

I like this. Goodluck

Ullr · 08-11-2015, 07:29 PM

Check, best of luck Inno. It would appear we're facing off in two separate Contenderships this week :P

May the best shepherd win!

Inno · 08-13-2015, 10:24 PM

@Ullr ext?

Ullr · 08-14-2015, 11:25 AM

Not a problem Inno :)

Inno · 08-14-2015, 09:15 PM

1 sheep...2 sheep...3 sheep

Rippling waves of slumber
Slip through finger tips alike
Dreaming catacombs of pillows
Eyelids burning bright in the dark
Counting sheep from the start
The windows billowed in the wind
The howls of the creaking floor
Foot steps drowning in the wolfs
Moons scratch and peel at the windows
While stars drown in the tidal waves
Gripping pillow talk, chattering noise
Frozen toes, stiff veins, loud silence
Hearing it all from a pin drop
To the rustling thoughts off my mind
Rooting wide eyed daydreams all night.

4 sheep...5 sheep...6 sheep

Calm seas trek along rough oceans
A fading fight against the currents
Searching in between the letters
Hoping to spell out a dream or two
Th wolfs howl from a distance
The floors whisper forest's of wool
Rooting Pillows bloated with sleep
Sheets free of wrinkles, not a sound
Between the ripples
Slumber slips in along the seems
Stiching together reality with dreams
Heavy lids the size of whales
The wide eyed trip between their lashes
Falling along the stars

Ullr · 08-15-2015, 10:57 PM

The sun cresting low over hills in the East
rays of shining grace paint a picture of peace
It's misty this morning, far from village's streets
dew soaking my moccassins as I gather tillage for sheep
the sweet loving licks of lily and lilac in brilliant streaks
filling the grass with innocent splendor, the mill spins and creaks
the wonderful medicine, its smell is so sweet
the trickling river fills the wheel and enters the teeth
energy unleashed and slowly grinds the grain
to feed the sheep who've slowly dried from rain.
The night before fallen, their wool soft and so bright,
glinting and glowing as it is caught in the light
behind a wooden fence, I greet them all with delight

"Good morning friends! I hope it's all been alright!"

my hands grip the bag, it's brimming with feed -
I tilt it and pour all whilst grinning with glee
the burlap exterior feels quite rough to the touch
down into a trough, I give them something to munch
the bleating ewes all start prancing excitedly
they dance at the sight of me
and perhaps as thanks they stand so invitingly
I hop the fence with shears in my hand,
pat one on the head, begin shearing its back
soon, that which is shorn shall reappear and in tact
and I shall gain a sweater, or shawl, or perhaps a sphere that's is wrapped
to be sewn into clothes fit for steering this pack
when winter comes bringing cold I shall fear not its wrath!
A smile on my face, naught but cheer in my grasp
O', my friends have brought splendor! in dreams I'm hearing their "Baas!"
What sense to sleep and count sheep? I'll simply peer at my tract!

Woke · 08-17-2015, 10:36 PM

Inno - This was very well written verse with a progressive concept. The entire verse was about falling asleep, that battle of eye lids. You added so much imagery and simply put, flavor, that I did not mind the least bit that this verse was theatrically about a very short event. I would think you would run out of shit to say, but you did not disappoint. I hate when people talk about writers voice so...Your writers voice was very somber and deep, like Barry White telling me a goodnight tale whilst tucking me in. This entire verse was written extremely well, from pace to imagery to utilizing a poetical style that simply drew me in. I loved it to say the least.

Ullery - so went more visual through words then your competitor. The entire verse from start to end was a scene, which was cool. I enjoyed the word usage and effectiveness you were able to bring forth while explaining in detail something so boring as a sheep herder. You gave your character some life, I felt his excitement and joy of creating something by caring for a group of sheep. You created a very well written article here and I have zero complaints. I feel as though you connected me with a character I otherwise could care nothing toward, you painted some very vivid scenes which was the highlight. From mist to flowers and dew to a creaking mil, this verse created a scene I imagine Ireland would look like although I've never been. Just great use of imagery this week

There is a reason this has no votes, it's tough. On one had I think Inno just killed it this week conceptually, on the other hand the imagery Ullery brought forth was pretty fucking amazing. Neither of you dropped the ball in any major areas aside from a typo or two, this would be my default negative for voting, so I'm still at a stand still. Going to read one more time and make a quick thoughtless choice and stick with muh beer gut

V/Inno

His concept just impresses, while I struggled greatly with this vote because Ullr simply perfected imagery this week, Inno too had decent enough imagery that his concept verse was able to narrowly get the nod.

Very dope battle, thank you each for the thought provoking reads. You have inspired me to write better, and more like you both

Vulgar · 08-17-2015, 11:12 PM

Innovator - The first stanza brought to mind those movies where the vampire has acute vision and a heightened sense of vision, scent, and hearing. There were effective, impressionist painting-like observations, giving the impression that this shepherd might be asleep and dreaming. Or maybe he is having a case of the sun stroke, or the moonlight fever, from being awake all night, watching his flock. I feel that most of your poetry needs a serious editing, but you have the ability to get published because you're slick with the poetic pen. I could definitely help you with that, with a clean glossing over of grammar, a couple of tips here and there. Let me know cuzz.

Ullr - Your rhyming is sick. You have the ability to match line for line in girth, richness of detail and focus on the topic at hand. It's almost reminiscent of sraL, and even though he may be your fellow competitor, I'm sure he would partially tip his hat in this instance. I thought it was good, if a bit expected. Once the ball got rolling, the two things which stood out as enjoyable were the pacing and storytelling and the boisterously happy sentiment of the narrator. I don't know...it was a tasty Caesar salad of a verse. (Yes, verse, even though you're capable of poetry too. :) )

I'm going to vote for Innovator.

His cool observations gained leverage over Ullr's sharp storytelling. It's a preference for me when writers grind their gears and reverse engineer something, whatever it is - deconstructing a sand castle - while another person might be content to discuss how it was built in the first place, in concise terms. I will usually lean towards the mystical and the more daring explorer. Keep it up, Ullr.

Battle of the week.

08-10-2015, 10:30 PM	#1
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604317	WEEK 7 CONTENDER: Innovator vs. Ullr - (Innovator wins) LGPA Season 1: Week 7 @Innovator @Ullr Check ins: Tuesday (Midnight Eastern time) Poems Due: Friday (Midnight Eastern time) Votes due: Sunday (Midnight Eastern time) Topic: Specific narrator week: Write from the perspective of a shepherd. Good luck.

08-11-2015, 07:29 PM	#3
Ullr Norse God Join Date: May 2015 Posts: 221 Battle Record: 5-6 Rep Power: 0	Check, best of luck Inno. It would appear we're facing off in two separate Contenderships this week :P May the best shepherd win! __________________

08-14-2015, 11:25 AM	#5
Ullr Norse God Join Date: May 2015 Posts: 221 Battle Record: 5-6 Rep Power: 0	Not a problem Inno :) __________________

08-14-2015, 09:15 PM	#6
Inno Ad mini tator Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 10,005 Battle Record: 26-54 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - Black August - 1-2 Punch League Rep Power: 85899400	1 sheep...2 sheep...3 sheep Rippling waves of slumber Slip through finger tips alike Dreaming catacombs of pillows Eyelids burning bright in the dark Counting sheep from the start The windows billowed in the wind The howls of the creaking floor Foot steps drowning in the wolfs Moons scratch and peel at the windows While stars drown in the tidal waves Gripping pillow talk, chattering noise Frozen toes, stiff veins, loud silence Hearing it all from a pin drop To the rustling thoughts off my mind Rooting wide eyed daydreams all night. 4 sheep...5 sheep...6 sheep Calm seas trek along rough oceans A fading fight against the currents Searching in between the letters Hoping to spell out a dream or two Th wolfs howl from a distance The floors whisper forest's of wool Rooting Pillows bloated with sleep Sheets free of wrinkles, not a sound Between the ripples Slumber slips in along the seems Stiching together reality with dreams Heavy lids the size of whales The wide eyed trip between their lashes Falling along the stars Last edited by Inno; 08-14-2015 at 11:25 PM.

08-15-2015, 10:57 PM	#7
Ullr Norse God Join Date: May 2015 Posts: 221 Battle Record: 5-6 Rep Power: 0	The sun cresting low over hills in the East rays of shining grace paint a picture of peace It's misty this morning, far from village's streets dew soaking my moccassins as I gather tillage for sheep the sweet loving licks of lily and lilac in brilliant streaks filling the grass with innocent splendor, the mill spins and creaks the wonderful medicine, its smell is so sweet the trickling river fills the wheel and enters the teeth energy unleashed and slowly grinds the grain to feed the sheep who've slowly dried from rain. The night before fallen, their wool soft and so bright, glinting and glowing as it is caught in the light behind a wooden fence, I greet them all with delight "Good morning friends! I hope it's all been alright!" my hands grip the bag, it's brimming with feed - I tilt it and pour all whilst grinning with glee the burlap exterior feels quite rough to the touch down into a trough, I give them something to munch the bleating ewes all start prancing excitedly they dance at the sight of me and perhaps as thanks they stand so invitingly I hop the fence with shears in my hand, pat one on the head, begin shearing its back soon, that which is shorn shall reappear and in tact and I shall gain a sweater, or shawl, or perhaps a sphere that's is wrapped to be sewn into clothes fit for steering this pack when winter comes bringing cold I shall fear not its wrath! A smile on my face, naught but cheer in my grasp O', my friends have brought splendor! in dreams I'm hearing their "Baas!" What sense to sleep and count sheep? I'll simply peer at my tract! __________________

08-10-2015, 10:50 PM	#2
Inno Ad mini tator Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 10,005 Battle Record: 26-54 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - Black August - 1-2 Punch League Rep Power: 85899400	I like this. Goodluck

08-13-2015, 10:24 PM	#4
Inno Ad mini tator Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 10,005 Battle Record: 26-54 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - Black August - 1-2 Punch League Rep Power: 85899400	@Ullr ext?

08-17-2015, 10:36 PM	#8
Woke Senior Member Join Date: May 2015 Posts: 183 Battle Record: 6-4 Rep Power: 553415	Inno - This was very well written verse with a progressive concept. The entire verse was about falling asleep, that battle of eye lids. You added so much imagery and simply put, flavor, that I did not mind the least bit that this verse was theatrically about a very short event. I would think you would run out of shit to say, but you did not disappoint. I hate when people talk about writers voice so...Your writers voice was very somber and deep, like Barry White telling me a goodnight tale whilst tucking me in. This entire verse was written extremely well, from pace to imagery to utilizing a poetical style that simply drew me in. I loved it to say the least. Ullery - so went more visual through words then your competitor. The entire verse from start to end was a scene, which was cool. I enjoyed the word usage and effectiveness you were able to bring forth while explaining in detail something so boring as a sheep herder. You gave your character some life, I felt his excitement and joy of creating something by caring for a group of sheep. You created a very well written article here and I have zero complaints. I feel as though you connected me with a character I otherwise could care nothing toward, you painted some very vivid scenes which was the highlight. From mist to flowers and dew to a creaking mil, this verse created a scene I imagine Ireland would look like although I've never been. Just great use of imagery this week There is a reason this has no votes, it's tough. On one had I think Inno just killed it this week conceptually, on the other hand the imagery Ullery brought forth was pretty fucking amazing. Neither of you dropped the ball in any major areas aside from a typo or two, this would be my default negative for voting, so I'm still at a stand still. Going to read one more time and make a quick thoughtless choice and stick with muh beer gut V/Inno His concept just impresses, while I struggled greatly with this vote because Ullr simply perfected imagery this week, Inno too had decent enough imagery that his concept verse was able to narrowly get the nod. Very dope battle, thank you each for the thought provoking reads. You have inspired me to write better, and more like you both Last edited by Woke; 08-17-2015 at 10:58 PM.

08-17-2015, 11:12 PM	#9
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604317	Innovator - The first stanza brought to mind those movies where the vampire has acute vision and a heightened sense of vision, scent, and hearing. There were effective, impressionist painting-like observations, giving the impression that this shepherd might be asleep and dreaming. Or maybe he is having a case of the sun stroke, or the moonlight fever, from being awake all night, watching his flock. I feel that most of your poetry needs a serious editing, but you have the ability to get published because you're slick with the poetic pen. I could definitely help you with that, with a clean glossing over of grammar, a couple of tips here and there. Let me know cuzz. Ullr - Your rhyming is sick. You have the ability to match line for line in girth, richness of detail and focus on the topic at hand. It's almost reminiscent of sraL, and even though he may be your fellow competitor, I'm sure he would partially tip his hat in this instance. I thought it was good, if a bit expected. Once the ball got rolling, the two things which stood out as enjoyable were the pacing and storytelling and the boisterously happy sentiment of the narrator. I don't know...it was a tasty Caesar salad of a verse. (Yes, verse, even though you're capable of poetry too. :) ) I'm going to vote for Innovator. His cool observations gained leverage over Ullr's sharp storytelling. It's a preference for me when writers grind their gears and reverse engineer something, whatever it is - deconstructing a sand castle - while another person might be content to discuss how it was built in the first place, in concise terms. I will usually lean towards the mystical and the more daring explorer. Keep it up, Ullr. Battle of the week.