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Old 08-18-2019, 03:03 AM   #1
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Default Championship: Witty vs. Diablo [WITTY WINS 6-0]







SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due
FRIDAY AUG 23rd at 11:59P.M. Pacific/West Coast or SATURDAY AUG. 24th 2:59 AM Eastern / 7:59 AM SATURDAT AUG. 24th Central European/London

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 64 LINES




Read the full rules here!



Topic:




Must "Check-in" by MONDAY AUG. 5th


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Old 08-23-2019, 08:53 PM   #2
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The pain she receives is a pain that she needs
Paints a smile on her face but the rage that's beneath
Leads to disarray when she lays in the sheets
And prays for relief from the chemicals in her veins
She's dazed and fatigued, and skeptical things will change
When night falls these white walls seem to glow in the dark
She can't sleep, she knows in her heart she's been broken apart
As she lays there a mess...tired, sweating and bloated
And opens at the page she had carefully folded...

...And she enters the portal...

Now she's immense and immortal, strong and emboldened
The hair that falls from her shoulders is long and it's golden
She stands tall, she can't fall...a leader of people
She is a home for the homeless, a seat for the feeble
A beacon of peace where so many are deceitful and evil
She speaks for the weak...
...searches for the lost and leads the retrieval
Her fight is in the shadows as she searches for sunshine
Despite the looming gallows she's the first on the front line
To rid it of evil, every victory has her bursting with pride
She's filling her people with the thirst to survive...

...but she's thirsty, alive? you could consider her so
But if your question was...is she living? then, no
And her frivolous hope for life is killing her soul
She's holding on...but it's ready and it's willing to go
Her husband lays by her side when he's not with the kids
All the years together...
...she had forgotten how caring and thoughtful he is
Why she had fallen for him, though in the end she took him for granted
But back then...it was like God had them joined at the roots
Their souls were the shoots he had dutifully planted
They traveled the world, came back and started a brood
They had beautifully planned it...and it came to fruition
Each day was a vision of grace, but now as she prays for remission
She regrets not making the most of the days she was given
She tries to stare at his face, but she's too broken to look
And the pain is too much to take...so she opens her book.

And she's fighting hate from day to night
Her mind ablaze with rays of light
Her movement fast and razor like
She moves her hand to raise her knife
Her belief is iron, so's her will
Hope instilled with each demon's life her soldiers kill
She won't succumb to the shadow
Love is her weapon...she has an abundance of ammo
And as the pages flick, her glory increases
We're almost at the end of this story...

She needs this.

She can't let it end, she craves the relief
Of the pages...
...The only way she can escape from the grief
And the aches and the pains of this heinous disease
So she'll wait just to see...
If she can make it through another day of chemo...
Then maybe she can read how the Queen had slayed the evil...
She gazes at her book...always dreading the day it is done
Because that portal to another world is the only thing making her stay in this one.
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Last edited by Witty; 08-23-2019 at 09:01 PM.
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Old 08-24-2019, 03:06 AM   #3
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”His-Story Repeats”



There once was a man of creative genius with rhymes
but who couldn’t have acted more of a diva online!
He competed in writing contests against the elitists
beating them by his sheer will, and occasional cheating.
His swaying in secret would often hand him the edge
but today was to be his toughest challenger yet.
A spectacular semi-showdown of paradoxical rivals
where two valiant veterans vied for a spot in the final!
Both wanted the title, but what mattered now was respect
and the honour of finally being crowned as the best.
Losing was out of the question with the battle finally open
he proudly professed his greatness to antagonise his opponent.
The braggart blithely then boasted of self-centred indulgence
in an act to try and provoke his foe into an error of judgement.
The clever curmudgeon created an air of discord
while also tempting its subject into sharing his thoughts.
Aware that the author played chess, if to dismal degrees,
his carefully thought-out plan had a Bobby Fischer brilliancy!
The player positioned the pieces to fall into place
his opposition was merely a pawn to his game.
The board that they played on was no longer even
which forced the mistake exposing his weakness.
From the moment he eagerly jumped in and posted
the opponent was beaten, he just didn’t know it!
The troublesome troll instantly dipped in his bag of tricks
and put into motion one of his famed fictional narratives.
The tittering tattersmith sent messages privately to
the simpleton that was in charge, who took his lies as the truth!
He invited the fury of his foe to further respond
while timing his spurious comments to keep spurring him on.
He worked at it long into the night, through to light of the morning,
as the merciful moderator looked into both sides of the story.
Enlightened but surely unimpressed at the tantrum observed
the mod tried not to glorify eithers actions at first.
Reading chapter and verse of the rule book to placate the dispute
as you don’t take a man at his word who has a way with them too!
The prevaricator pursued his prey with ruthless intent
anticipating his move while remaining a few steps ahead.
The beauty of chess lies in the strategical thinking.
His huge walls of text loomed large enough to be seen at a distance
but were easily missed in the blind rage his novice was faced with
and not seeing his signature move lead to disqualification!
The troll had him taken in every which way
but the mod had been blamed for exhibiting feminine traits.
Now two men that he hated most were caught in conjuncture
both incandescent with rage, and best of all at each other!
Neither saw through his cover til he revealed what had happened
nor the tall stories mustered up to help keep them distracted.
The tedious tactician did as his detractors dared him to do
If you stare deep in an abyss too long, it also stares into you.
There is a truth to the story behind his bluff and his bluster,
Beware who you choose to cheat. Never judge a book by its cover.




LULZ MOTHERFUCKER!!!!

Last edited by Diablo; 08-24-2019 at 03:25 AM.
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Old 08-24-2019, 09:51 PM   #4
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Witty -

Very good writing here; very good writing. I truly enjoyed your writing; it was very interesting with a girl falling into a story and defeating a antagonist. It was very inspiring; it was very good. It was very nice; it was very cool. Excellent writing, Witty. Good imagery, and good writing. Very well done.

Lars -

I truly enjoyed your writing talent; I enjoyed this writing immensely. Great narration with good spot on analysis. Great work on this piece. Good work, Baron Mynd. Good work.

Overall - Excellent battle, but I'm going with Witty.

V/ Witty.
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Old 08-25-2019, 01:26 AM   #5
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To be honest, I'm sort of disappointed, I will explain.

Witty: I liked your verse it was emotional, it was simple. You tend to write with simplicity, but always with a smoothness that lures you in due to how free it feels. I especially like the theme of love, but faced with the antagonistic villain of cancer that threatens to make it short-lived. And the only thing that is propelling this person is the imaginative realm and her will to immerse herself in it, as she fights for her life in the physical and tangible realm. It was touching, I would have liked maybe more exploration of this imaginative place, the only real time you touch on it is when she enters the portal, where she becomes this strong hero of sorts. I feel you could have expanded here and made a good story even greater by extending our imaginations. But nevertheless, I enjoyed it.

Diablo: While the writing was somewhat enjoyable, this was not what I expected. I think aiming the topic toward a previous opponent while it seems clever, it comes off as uninspired. I feel like you if you dedicated your efforts into crafting a vision that I know you are capable of, you would have created something with a compelling draw. Yes, it was entertaining and humorous to an extent, but the finals are not the time to pull a stunt like this. You basically did what your semi-finals opponent did, but to a much greater extent (as he still focused on a narrative), but you kind just myopically focused on him, which leaves a bad taste in the mouth as good sportsmanship is part of the topical appeal, maybe not during the chat or forum, but the final match is more sacred. Its not a time to troll about trolling, seems like you you tried to put a spin on it but it backfired. Perhaps if you faced a less formidable opponent it would have worked, as your writing would have carried you, but in this case, it doesn't.

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Old 08-25-2019, 09:24 AM   #6
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I felt this was alright maybe for a round 1 or 2 battle but this ... For you two this felt rushed. Trust i would've slain either of these verses so youre lucky Adonis dqed me since I was coming with heat.

Lars LOL depicts himself cheating in The last round. I thought it was pretty funny tbh read it twice for Lulz. Didn't really connect to the topic at all until the last 4 lines. Discord mention and incandescent with rage shade was funny. The sad thing is, Adonis is so dumb he
He'll think it's a parody verse, not knowing it's 95% real inn you're eyes that you cheated like a lying lil girl and provoked general discussion due to knowing you lost even with dr votes and adonis' retarded vote. I preferred your mix of disparate fairy tales although i didn't prefer that.

Witty at least connected to the story with a chemo patient escaping into her book fantasies. Tbh I much preferred your verse against blue it had a lot more nuance and beautiful writing. My fav section of the verse was the first time she enters the portal to escape via a book. The rhymes were dope as per usual but a certain focus and depth was missing compared to a great verse from witty like round 3.

V/ witty, not close
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Old 08-25-2019, 10:12 AM   #7
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1-0 witty as it stands

"Select, delete all" is much faster than you can create spam posts. Enjoy wasting your own time. Took me 2 minutes

Next infraction will be ban however
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Old 08-29-2019, 02:10 PM   #8
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Low key not here but if you want another vote...

Witty - Good verse, lost tempo a few times but no biggy. I like flow and topic, so your topic kept me engaged. Good transitions, especially because it inspired emotions and good feels.

Diablo - you and I both know how this is gonna go, but good lord man you and I both also know what you're capable of. it's great that you're king of trolls or whatever, but in the finals? pop another title under your belt then troll around imo, don't silver platter this shit.

mvgt Witty

also @Adonis tag me if another topical thing comes up? sorry I ignored last few pings :)
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Old 08-29-2019, 09:52 PM   #9
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Witty:

Tbh I think I liked a couple of your pieces earlier in the tournament a little better than this one. Not to say this wasn't good; but when I finished reading it I didn't feel like I had gotten your best.
The verses kept me engaged, to see where it was gonna go. And I think you did a good job describing her grief and pain. I thought you might have expounded on the part where you said she took her husband for granted, because that seemed like a powerful line.
Good rhymes for the most part. Bit repetitive when you said thirst to survive/ thirsty, alive?. But through most of the piece I have no other complaints. I liked day of chemo/ slay the evil.
Easy to tell that you used the picture given.

Lars:

Your rhyming and meter are, per usual, on point. But immediately upon discovering the subject matter I hate to say it: I just wanted to get to the end.
There were a million different ways you could go with this picture, and a creative Lars verse likely would have taken the title. But that's not how I view what you did. I saw no relation to the picture, other then you ending on never judge a book by it's cover.
I think you should have left the semifinals in the past. But it's as though you chose this forum to rub it in. Not a great idea for a finals verse. Sorry bud, his verse was definitely beatable but Witty takes this one.

V Witty
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Old 09-02-2019, 08:51 AM   #10
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not voting due to the politics of it all but i really appreciated the reads guys an kudos on a good showing in the finals. hope you guys get some more votes/feedback.

stand outs

witty loved all the parts in italic, how it sped up an really added a sense of pace an purpose - although the last one juttered at the end for me at the abundance of ammo line. threw the flow off a bit for me.

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Old 09-06-2019, 07:37 PM   #11
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Witty-

This gained steam the further it went on. It was a smooth read throughout, though. The rhyme scheme stayed consistent. A few hiccups in wording and pace here and there, for me. The approach to the topic was straightforward but well executed. The passages when your protaganist is reading could have been more colorful, written in a different style to contrast the moods you're setting up in each scene. Your word choice changed in each, but I think a more exuberant expression could have gone a long way here. Maybe more stream of consciousness, to express the freedom and escapism your character is feeling. Character portrait is my preferred style of NETCEES TOPICAL; I think you did it justice here. I think the regret/mournfulness your character feels about her husband would have been better set up if he was mentioned in the first stanza(?), somewhere in the 'lays in the sheets' or 'glows in the dark' areas. As it is now, it kind of goes from a completely internal, existential struggle with a book for escapism to something with a familial bent. Not that one is better than the other, but I think it kind of has the effect of adding extra drama a bit too late in the game. I enjoyed reading this, if I'm coming off too negative. I think it's easier to be critical in these votes.

"Leads to disarray when she lays in the sheets
And prays for relief from the chemicals in her veins
She's dazed and fatigued, and skeptical things will change
When night falls these white walls seem to glow in the dark"

"She's filling her people with the thirst to survive...

...but she's thirsty, alive? you could consider her so
But if your question was...is she living? then, no"

Those were my highlights. Also, the ending line was really well done.

I didn't like "bloated" (didn't feel like the right word for the scene, felt force-y), "frivolous" before hope felt off because it seems like a narrator's judgment whereas the rest of the piece stays to her perspective, and the "demon's life" line tripped up my read something fierce but I'm an idiot so who knows.

Lars-

Pretty funny stuff. A creative take on the topic, using your persona and current "events" to further troll while submitting a solid piece. As per usual with you the rhymes and flow were pretty spot on and consistent throughout. Maybe one too many ironic exclamation points? I chuckled at a couple points and found it generally amusing throughout. The only problem being the repetitive nature of the piece. As an extended joke to continually thumb your nose at everyone involved it passed in spades. Purely as a topical it was something like 10% (maybe 12.4%) too long for the gimmick, in my opinion.

"Aware that the author played chess, if to dismal degrees,"

"His huge walls of text loomed large enough to be seen at a distance"

"The troll had him taken in every which way
but the mod had been blamed for exhibiting feminine traits."

The use of 'blithely' was way incorrect, unless I'm missing something, and the slight overuse of ironic exclamation points got grating. My only two technical nitpicks.




Character study vs. troll-y comedic piece. Both writers were equal in terms of rhyming and "MECHANICS"; maybe I'd give Witty the slight edge for trying some different schemes and using punctuation for emphasis and reading assistance, which I always enjoy. Content wise, just a matter of preference. Seeing's how I'm an overly emotional alcoholic I enjoyed the melodramatic character study (shocking) a bit more than Lars' comedy (which I enjoyed). So if you bifurcate TOPICAL WRITING into 1) MECHANICS and 2) CONTENT like a real simple idiot from a flyover state, and you give each CATEGORY to one writer, then the logic goes you vote for that person. Lars' verse and victory over NYC was victory lap enough for him, hopefully. Now I will bold my vote (I'm voting for Witty) so that it is quite clear who I am voting for (Witty).

Thanks for writing for the championship match, guys.
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Old 09-11-2019, 05:47 PM   #12
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@Adonis?
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Old 09-11-2019, 08:06 PM   #13
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My fault for being MIA, crazy busy at work, literally been sleeping 6 hours a day then back at it the next day. About to finish the job site I been out for the past few months though. I'll try and vote today and see where we stand.
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Old 09-11-2019, 09:19 PM   #14
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Vote - Raptor
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Old 09-11-2019, 09:27 PM   #15
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Wow this retard adonis won’t just close it? It’s 6-0 witty you can paint it any way you want it ain’t chopping down to a place where your favorite faggot can come back bro

You guys couldn’t fake his way to a tourney win it’s not that big a deal take the L
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Old 09-12-2019, 12:45 AM   #16
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lmao there were no winners in this corrupt little swayfest you lames orchestrated for your boy NYC.

let’s be real

you cheated me
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Old 09-12-2019, 01:42 AM   #17
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Cry baby lol

Irritable Ian is a sad sack
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Old 09-12-2019, 02:00 PM   #18
Eŋg
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i highly doubt anyone voting itt rode as hard (or at all) for NYC as adonis rode for you like a desperate jockey. throughout the tourney.

shit was a mess from the get go.

v/daryl
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Old 09-12-2019, 05:04 PM   #19
NYCSPITZ
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sraL View Post
lmao there were no winners in this corrupt little swayfest you lames orchestrated for your boy NYC.

let’s be real

you cheated me
Let's be honest here. First i beat u ez light were.

Second this verse here by u is a slight lol moment for one or two reads. Beyond that it's embarrassing to write at that low level for a tourney finals. I'm truly the winner In This tournament i wanted it more than you and had the better verse but in terms of this battle witty clearly won...stop crying...
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Old 09-12-2019, 06:28 PM   #20
Mr. J
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damn this lil thing is still open.

Smh
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