12-06-2018, 11:24 PM | #1 |
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Asylum vs brokenhal0[ASYLUM WINS]
NWL:Season I: Week VII
Verses ares due: FRIDAY(next week) at 11:59 PM EST Voting ends: SUNDAY at 11:59 PM EST Line Limit: Minimum:10 lines, Max: 30 Voting on 2 battles is required. TOPIC: FREE TOPIC THIS WEEK @asylum @brokenhal0 Last edited by Inno; 12-18-2018 at 12:12 PM. |
12-10-2018, 05:15 AM | #2 |
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@brokenhal0 good luck
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12-12-2018, 04:39 AM | #3 |
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LI
I Escaped from the padded room in the basement spacemen in enchanted tombs you ask too soon Abandoned asylums hear the ghost cry on afternoons Float high with sad ballons stabbin loons gas the spoons Wipe out your mental molten metal monsoon i let you win Why. .. Shock therapy medicine lobotomonys so settle in Ya skull your aslyums dull the hull of your hell was a shrink Ya think ring the bell we move like ghost in a shell i write anthems You wish you could tell but could never break the spell of el poison in the punchline promethazine lunchtime trees grow altered leaves haunted dreams inhabit hallways which housed such akward beings aslyum refugees voices roaring set me free now your shut down left to sleep Creaking floors pest and weeds but your essence feeds a presence Where madness presses cheeks the dead will speak crazy house mc I built this asylum in 10 weeks nurses and freaks i gave em purpose and when they died We turned em to zombies sent for service Cold nights and cold days i smoke haze I know rights i know pain alright its ok No lights and no chains building remains building remains... Last edited by brokenhal0; 12-12-2018 at 05:01 AM. |
12-13-2018, 06:59 AM | #4 |
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it's different now.. can't explain it but it is
walking through this maze's left me lifeless in a ditch lifes a bitch i was told'n didn't really think it's true but at this point in life my angel sings a different tune It changed with hope i had for people and days to come things change slow before ya even know that you're different one day a trust fall turns downward spiral ina instant heading towards our final dance into mist out in the distance my only regrets not giving her the present of faith for christmas race through the light to find my halo but it's harder than i think it is until you're neck deep in a swamp but thirsty enough to drink the shit sometime's i wonder if this death march is my guardian testing me feeling familiar tug on my heart's strings in her memories testament she's in each step you take, and every decision you take to heart they show resemblance to our fates by making mistakes our mark our wax is sealed on a letter. It's opened at the gates as a flame grows in the dark bullets are smelted that hold our names hardened forces who love their countries fight for central banks where familiar phrases whistle past some open scars that cover pain i saw my angel before she left wearing a grim expression as she was being beamed to the mothership a yellow light showed in the red beam being beamed up to it hovering it shone right around her figure long after she'd disapeared forgot that light for years until one day i saw a person in the street a glimpse in the eyes of a stranger dropped me to knees she stopped dead in her tracks screaming and started to cry but the light grew as bright as the sun and I started to fly i stand where i kneeled with a broken halo waiting for the sun just a shadow in a dream of better days that never come Last edited by asylum; 12-13-2018 at 07:59 AM. |
12-16-2018, 06:49 PM | #5 |
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This was an interesting battle because it is basically two different topics. Halo's verse was versed in a perspective of a madman and was too say the least quite confusing at times. Topic wise it was creative in a sense I felt as though the asylum was a character. However, when I attempted to read into it metaphorically I couldn't quite grasp it. Asylum's take on the other hand was set to the connection one may have with a loved one such as a spiritual bond that transcends.It was enjoyable the first time to the last time I read it. Asylum's verse was well polished thought out. Halo's verse needed a bit more tweaking. The interesting part is they both aimed at each other in nameplays but Asylum hit the nail on the head. Therefore, I'm giving it to Asylum.
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12-16-2018, 08:03 PM | #6 |
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I thought it was cute how both of you used each other name's in the verses. Sounds familiar..
Anyways, cool battle. There were certain parts of broken halo's verse I didn't like. Like, the technique is there, but I feel like sometimes things are thrown in just for that fact. There's alliteration that didn't really sit well together, a random rhyme thrown in to keep the rhyme scheme consistent which didn't move the verse forward, it was kind of just there to be like, "hey, i can put schemes together". I did still enjoy it. The first beginning part was really good, then you got to this line: Where madness presses cheeks the dead will speak crazy house mc And, it just went downhill from there. Got the feeling you just wanted to wrap this up quick. Besides some minor personal preference related stuff, this was a decent read. I think Asylum had the better read. It was just consistently better. It had less technical stuff than broken halo's, but, it was technical & fluent enough to make for a better read. I usually stay away from "cursing" in verses just because, I only use to to really emphasize a certain feeling or whatever, but this line felt real. until you're neck deep in a swamp but thirsty enough to drink the shit one day a trust fall turns downward spiral ina instant That stood out. Simple but, effective. where familiar phrases whistle past some open scars that cover pain That was cool too. I dunno, I'm a little confused overall on the topic you had in your mind. Were you an angel, do angels have guardian angels? Were you an angel that had fallen, hence your halo being broken, but then you're beamed up? Are aliens angels? Who's the her? Is that you as a human, loving a her, but giving up hope, I dunno.. it's kind of like, you were writing from a few perspectives all in once & it didn't quite come out correctly. I'm a little confused about it, but it still read good. I think if the narrative was more focused, it would make for a more cohesive topic. I am pretty high right now though. Anyways, both had good verses, I just liked reading Asylum's verse more. vAsylum |
12-17-2018, 05:33 AM | #7 |
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Nice battle...firstly good looks on both of you showin' unlike others, I thought you both had your up's & downs here.I've always been a fan of Broken's shit but yeah just some things I don't get in his verses...asylum's just idk, seemed to resonate more with me...like Razah said not as technical as Halo's but way more consistent overall...imo.
V/ asylum. |
12-17-2018, 08:28 AM | #8 |
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cool verses from both, props for the effort..
halo, i struggled with following the vibe of your verse in some many places honestly and some of the rhyme schemes and alliteration you used were 'filler like' to me. i also struggled to flow with asylum's content especially towards the end but i just think he had an overall better verse compared to his opponent. v/Asylum |
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