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Old 10-22-2015, 07:10 AM   #1
veritas
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Default LULZ AND TEARS EPISODE 1: PILOT

LULZ & TEARS

WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME. This is Lulz and Tears. The web's first textual reality show. As always, we are staying far ahead of the curve, and leading the masses into the future with innovation and originality.

Speaking of innovation and originality, my name is VERITAS THE INVINCIBLE the creator of this show.

The purpose of this show is simple. Our contestants will meet each week and engage in a contest of which will push their psychological boundaries. There actions (or lack of actions) will be judged by our all star panel of judges.

lets meet our judges!


DIODE

a man amongst men if ever there was any. This man not only has a boat, and a higher tax bracket, but also an ego that wines and dines on filet mignon by it's self while listening to smooth jazz in his basement gym. That is not depressing. That is awesome. The point is, Diode knows how the world works....he will measure whether you do.

Cheyeahh!

you don't have to be elenin to know that Cheyeahh has some of the best judgement on this site. Contestants will be pitted against his perceptions of the world and will most likely not survive.

Knucklehead

The ginger judge who wears bathrobes and drinks warm milk. McPoyle swagging all over the contestants who falter. Knucklehead has made a career of telling people how great he is at, and yet.....and yet......You get the idea. He won't be easy to please.


AND NOW LETS MEET THE CONTESTANTS

BAGS

the crowd favorite to lose. Not only does he seldom delve into his psyche, but he actively resists it. He has attempted to bully nearly everyone, Alliances will be slim for him...unless....

HUSH

the same as bags, although a little worse. He is more of a fuckboy and lives with his mom. he also perpetuates phony swagger as a 1990's latino drug dealer. aka mom's place....I mean Scarface. He does possess poignant villiany however, and that may aid him in the episodes to come.

BADWEATHER

this is the dark horse, and not because he is black. We don't care about that. IF the Phil that we know shows up...He is money. If the Phil who parties with Geno while wearing faggit hats shows up..he won't make it.

UH-OH

A savage. He is the favorite to win this, mostly due to being honest about his failings and having no shame.

FRANK

Here is a man who acted like a broad online while talking to dudes. His psyche is busted....yet strong. Keep your eyes on him.

LARS

The president. He has the swagger of a coke head, but thats cool, because he JUST REALLY LIKES TEXT BATTLES!@!! I believe his ability to stomach gross violations of mankind will aid him in this contest. look for big things from him.


AMEN

a newcomer...not much is known.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Consensus
The cerebral assassin, the molder of minds, the Omni potent being. Time transcending traveler, wisdom incarnate. Veritas needs no intro but I guess I have to. He’s not know in the battling world but who doesn’t know veritas? The guy us always original and if you pay attention to his bars, dude brings the heat.. The gawd.
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Old 10-22-2015, 07:14 AM   #2
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PILOT

GAME ONE: HONESTY



DIRECTIONS


THE CONTESTANTS WALK INTO A ROOM WITH POLAROID PICTURES HANGING ALL OVER THE WALL. UPON CLOSER INSPECTION, THEY SOON REALIZE THAT THROUGH THE POWER OF IMAGINATION THEY ARE SEEING SNAP SHOTS INTO THE VARIOUS TRAUMAS THAT THEY ALL EXPERIENCED AS CHILDREN.

YOUR DIRECTIONS: EXPLAIN THE SNAP SHOT. WHICH PARTICIPANT IS IT. WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE IT WHICH LED UP TO THE TRAUMA. THEN, MOST IMPORTANLY, HOW DID THAT TRAUMA EFFECT THE REST OF THEIR LIFE....AND USE REASON AND LOGIC AND PSYCH POWERS TO JUSTIFY YOUR CONCLUSIONS.


THE JUDGES WILL JUDGE EACH STORY.....THE WORST ATTEMPT WILL BE ELIMINATED.

IF YOU NO SHOW YOU WILL BE ELIMINATED, AND YOU WILL NOT BE A MAN.

YOU HAVE UNTIL SUNDAY NIGHT. THAT IS PLENTY OF TIME.

START THINKING.

AND WELCOME TO LOLZ AND TEARS.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Consensus
The cerebral assassin, the molder of minds, the Omni potent being. Time transcending traveler, wisdom incarnate. Veritas needs no intro but I guess I have to. He’s not know in the battling world but who doesn’t know veritas? The guy us always original and if you pay attention to his bars, dude brings the heat.. The gawd.

Last edited by veritas; 10-22-2015 at 07:14 AM. Reason: GO AMEN YOU CAN DO IT!
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Old 10-22-2015, 08:05 AM   #3
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Lol lulz delivered

An uh oh couldn't even win the dirt person olympics....favorite my ass
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Originally Posted by DMS View Post
My dad once had like 4 beers at a family reunion, and drove us home better than my mom usually drives.
Not saying being drunk doesn’t mess up you reasoning. I’m turning 20 soon so I haven’t had a drink ever.
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Old 10-22-2015, 08:14 AM   #4
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I'm disappointed to not be in this.
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Old 10-22-2015, 08:15 AM   #5
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This is interesting.
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Old 10-22-2015, 11:57 AM   #6
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lmao so just to confirm, I write about one of the other guys failings, or my own?
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Old 10-22-2015, 12:03 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by sraL View Post
lmao so just to confirm, I write about one of the other guys failings, or my own?
either.
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Old 10-22-2015, 01:33 PM   #8
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Ok this seems wack
Ima just do a video explaining why bags is bags
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Old 10-22-2015, 01:42 PM   #9
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As predicted hush's fuckboy nature emerged.



Fear not hush stick with it. We will approve a video.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Consensus
The cerebral assassin, the molder of minds, the Omni potent being. Time transcending traveler, wisdom incarnate. Veritas needs no intro but I guess I have to. He’s not know in the battling world but who doesn’t know veritas? The guy us always original and if you pay attention to his bars, dude brings the heat.. The gawd.
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Old 10-22-2015, 01:42 PM   #10
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try harder
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The BrainLord is in my top 5 content wise on the strength of what I’ve read from him on NC in recent years. I’d pick him to beat Answer over 20 lines
FREE PHAROAHS ARMY
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Old 10-22-2015, 02:02 PM   #11
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I'll see ur vid....an match it.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DMS View Post
My dad once had like 4 beers at a family reunion, and drove us home better than my mom usually drives.
Not saying being drunk doesn’t mess up you reasoning. I’m turning 20 soon so I haven’t had a drink ever.
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Old 10-22-2015, 02:09 PM   #12
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Frank crawled into the dark room, too young to really distinguish what it was he was seeing. As the sepia toned Polaroid photograph came into focus, he could see his Father for the first time in years. I use the term father in the loosest sense. Sure, he had sired the reclusive textcee we now know, but he was far from the role model Frank needed. His memory failed him where his dad was concerned. There was a vast black space where his love should have been. It made Frank inconsolable with rage to know his love was unreciprocated. That he was ignored. Unloved. Unwanted. Franks father had left the family in New York many years before, leaving behind only shaven ginger pubic hairs on the sink basin and his torn army camouflaged jacket. The same jacket Frank had worn in his NC pic. The flame haired beard Frank rocked a constant reminder of his firecrotch he was spawned from. Franks only memoirs of days gone by before his father left. Why did he leave? The same reason anyone ever leaves. For more. For better. For opportunity. Franks father wanted to find himself, or herself as it turned out intact... Franks father was a transvestite calling himself Francine down at the Tuck and Sing gay karaoke bar downtown. It was here under the technicolor lights of the discotheque he found himself, or her herself, to be precise. With his testicles tucked safely between his legs, Francine sang to his hearts content at a pitch even Pavarotti would struggle with. Even more so now he's buried six feet deep. But alas, in realising his/her dream Francine had a new lease on life. A reason to sing. A reason to be. A reason to believe. "I'll be leaving now," Francine told his wife, dressed like a human glitterball caught in the strobe lights, dazzling head to toe with his suitcase at his feet - trapped between his legs much like his tiny cock and balls. It was the right thing to do. For Frank, for his mother Frances, and for his father Francine. What use is the man of the house if that same man is a woman at heart (one with hairy breasts, at that) This was his moment. Francines departure clearly affected Frank as he grew older and longer, much like the Oompa Loompa coloured armpit hair he had inherited. It wasn't until he found The Lime that young Frank's afflictions really began to show, though, bubbling beneath the surface like his spreading acne majorca. Frank assumed a feminine persona, following in the crossdressing high-heeled footsteps his dad had carefully taken years before. Frank was now "Cherry" - the colour of the chapstick sang about in his fathers favourite Katy Perry song. The same song his father had entertained the regular incumbents of the Tuck and Sing karaoke bar with. Ladies and Gentleman, I give you... FRANK!
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Old 10-22-2015, 02:11 PM   #13
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...and the new favorite...
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Old 10-22-2015, 02:13 PM   #14
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Look who just flew in on a helicopter piloted by missle weilding dolphins
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Old 10-22-2015, 04:12 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by Rawn MD View Post
...and the new favorite...
walks out of county right to the nearest library, pulls pants down, takes irrelevant shit in thread, leaves, gets arrested again, slips human sized handcuffs, wakes up hogtied on beach with a leafblower in his mouth and a gardening shovel in his ass, sentenced to five years for indecent exposure and crimes against humanity incl. sexual assault of baby hands

ncs continues on til next release
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Old 10-22-2015, 04:16 PM   #16
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...and the new favorite...
Take my spot yo
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Old 10-22-2015, 04:25 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Diode View Post
walks out of county right to the nearest library, pulls pants down, takes irrelevant shit in thread, leaves, gets arrested again, slips human sized handcuffs, wakes up hogtied on beach with a leafblower in his mouth and a gardening shovel in his ass, sentenced to five years for indecent exposure and crimes against humanity incl. sexual assault of baby hands

ncs continues on til next release
Gone
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Originally Posted by DMS View Post
My dad once had like 4 beers at a family reunion, and drove us home better than my mom usually drives.
Not saying being drunk doesn’t mess up you reasoning. I’m turning 20 soon so I haven’t had a drink ever.
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Old 10-22-2015, 04:26 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by Bags View Post
Gone
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Old 10-22-2015, 05:17 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hush View Post
Take my spot yo
NO.

YOU ARE IN.

YOU WILL SEE THIS THROUGH TO IT'S FRUITION.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Consensus
The cerebral assassin, the molder of minds, the Omni potent being. Time transcending traveler, wisdom incarnate. Veritas needs no intro but I guess I have to. He’s not know in the battling world but who doesn’t know veritas? The guy us always original and if you pay attention to his bars, dude brings the heat.. The gawd.
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Old 10-22-2015, 05:20 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Diode View Post
walks out of county right to the nearest library, pulls pants down, takes irrelevant shit in thread, leaves, gets arrested again, slips human sized handcuffs, wakes up hogtied on beach with a leafblower in his mouth and a gardening shovel in his ass, sentenced to five years for indecent exposure and crimes against humanity incl. sexual assault of baby hands

ncs continues on til next release


WHAT ACTION! DIODE COMES OUT SWINGING. JUDGEMENT!
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Consensus
The cerebral assassin, the molder of minds, the Omni potent being. Time transcending traveler, wisdom incarnate. Veritas needs no intro but I guess I have to. He’s not know in the battling world but who doesn’t know veritas? The guy us always original and if you pay attention to his bars, dude brings the heat.. The gawd.
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