WEEK TWO: ADONIS (1-0) vs BROKENHAL0 (1-0) HAL0 WINS 4-0

[Adonis]

Topic: ~Death of a Writer~

Life began with a key, the bolted door is now free
Unlocked potential potentially flowing through calligraphy
But this story began with a rookie thumbing at words
Not gifted in verse, in fact, he was stumbling at first
catching L after L, still, his votes were superb
Well read between lines, learned to slowly, manipulate verbs
Every action has reaction, and I’m @Certain he reacted, observe
He had @Paytience with pen, dedicated, intense
@Pent uP aggression in losses left him clutching, make sense?
He learned from the hate, the feed were nuggets and gems
Went from a @dead man inside, to the realest Benn Grimm
He took the smoke and the mirrors and refracted its lore
Writing once was a chore, now its engrained to the core
Dancing shadows of light during the darkest of night
Left his love blinded like genocide, only the death was a mic
During competition, labeled obnoxious, but he weathered the storm
Sold his soul to Mephisto to make his letters adorned
But if he learned how to write, maybe he’d learn about life
So he reached for the stars, but the @Soulstice meant he was burnt by the light
He’d never be the best, @RichardCorey, but he’d work like the goats
Enjoying pancakes with @oats, learning to swim, a budding @zygote
His lessons come due, at least he thinks that they have
Cause his @Objective to champ left a @brokenhal0 or two
Dreams to @Bodey a few had him swimming with sharks in the @Blue Bayou
His paper beat scissors cause he’s mastered the rock
Inhaling the @Dank, blowing white clouds as they gather in spots
Dreams of dominating addiction, man poems so @Vulgar yet cute
Early leagues, so aloof, but over time less, growth so astute
His @Adverse demeanor meant his sins were a cog in the wheel
Fortunately he learned to steer clear of jawing with peers
Now he’s sweeter than @Candy, no longer young @corleone
Once a stuttering Stanley, now a Don is, a pun-fully grown
He’s evicted his sorrow, enjoy the death of a writer
Shedding old skin left a newborn hoping for fire
Now all that he craves….these legends check into the cypher

...

[Universe]

brokenhal0:

Surprisingly... I enjoyed this. Although not up to the usual technical standards I expect, there was still a rawness here that I really liked. You had some vivid imagery stacked in here as well, some lines really had some impact even though not fully fleshed out or delivered, which actually speaks volumes for how well the concepts jumped off the screen.

It was a literal take on the topic though... You do this a lot. It's like you see the picture and just began typing with no real deeper thought behind it, which seems to be your schtick. But amidst the chaos that you bring, every once in awhile, you can unearth some gems.

That said, as cool as this was, your lack of preparation and technical laziness will penalize you here... Let's just see if your imagery was enough to pull you through.


Adonis:

Okay it started out kind of cool but I was hoping you wouldn't go full autobiography on us and switch it up, do something different, aaannddd... not only did that not happen, but you went the 'drop people's names' route and incorporated it into your narrative, which is supposed to come off as creative but is actually the exact opposite, in my opinion. This is lazy writing and it has been done all before. A thousand times over. And better.

I don't know, I just didn't like it man. I know you have skill but this was beneath you on every level. This is a topical league, and nothing about this sparked originality or showed us something new story-wise. To me, it was the narrative equivalent of "it was all a dream" ending. Ugh. And the final call out for legends to enter the cypher just seemed... kind of dumb. No one cares. Just tell us a story man, that's what we are here for.

I'm going with brokenhal0 here. His imagery won out in the end.