04-12-2013, 04:56 PM | #1 |
loose leaf bruce lee
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 1,079
Battle Record: 7-6
Rep Power: 1853212 |
Locked in.. (audio included)
The audio quality is shit I know, I recorded this with a shitty setup, which I've now rectified so I may re-record this.
(wrote this like 2 yrs ago) audio link --------------------> http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page...songID=9607986 I have a story to tell, to keep it in is toxic I feel sick to think about it, you're the one I'll talk with.. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I awoke in hell, I'll tell you of the darkest plot no fire - brimstone, I was in the parking lot to start's the hard part, can't take a breath - coughin the day was cold and dark, I thought of death often cherishing every breath, I seemed cautious whoever put me here is sick, I don't mean nauseas a total surprize I didn't know the disquise was gonna hit me like a frieght train, you'll notice the size of the ride in the picture, it looks decieving. the trunk's actually bigger, this aint a book Im reading. it was real life then, I was shook and bleeding. the devil played a part, I hate the crooked heathen. the engine seemed alive, like it would have to breathe I swear it had a pulse and its blood was gasoline it had me in its clutches with no way to escape, I was on my way to hell, and had to wait at the gates every moment seemed eternity, with the motor runnin, its like I'm gonna die, and now I know its comin I'm shiverin cold, I can feel the goosebumps as we swerve down the road, I'm prayin for a loose trunk. The wind was howling, just like the devils dog, we raced down darkness, in a heavy fog. I can't think straight, I saw a blink, he hit the brakes if he pops the trunk, I'm fit to escape I can't even think of how long ive been trapped soon enough it all changed, weight on the gas it was dark here, but the speed was blinding it didn't take long for cops and sirens whats it gonna take to stop the violence, we need to pull together and stop the tyrants don't think this is fake, written scripts I was in the car when it flipped in the ditch, when I came to, I couldn't move - was affraid to I aint the same dude, who should I put the blame to later found out I was lucky to survive I should live stress free, and be alive my freedom and my life, no one can take from me cause the man I escaped from was... Ted Bundy
__________________
Last edited by Dove Dozer; 05-08-2013 at 09:45 PM. |
05-08-2013, 08:59 PM | #2 |
Tsk Tsk
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Beer Goggles
Posts: 4,834
Battle Record: 36-34
Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association
- NFL Pick'em 2016-17
Rep Power: 9946445 |
__________________
I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is TUPAC SHAKUR |
05-08-2013, 10:01 PM | #4 |
Tsk Tsk
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Beer Goggles
Posts: 4,834
Battle Record: 36-34
Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association
- NFL Pick'em 2016-17
Rep Power: 9946445 |
Decent audio. You took this fast paced which is cool, but I'm not a big fan of what "sounds" like 22 syllables per line to match the beat..confusing?
I prefer a slower rhythm as far as cadence. If I didn't have the words to follow along with I would most likely miss lines do to the speed of pronunciations. The opening bar had a pace closer to what I prefer. I like the beat though, not sure if you made it or not. Some bars seemed stretched but you do have pretty good breath control as far as following your rhythm, I notice the longer bars but you do your thing with it. As far as content, not goona lie bro. Some lines were a bit simple, but the topic (I assume this was a topical?) was conquered. Decent content, though, as you know I'm a fan of the more sadistic parts of writing. I think your going into more depth with the crash and blood and shit would have fit in well for both imagery and giving your closure more of a punch, because we would see the pain and you saying you should live thankful for being alive would hold more affect Good shit overall though brother. I really really want to record, have been jonesing for like 3 months. But I'm a bum who just wants to write a dope verse, and when it's time to record I just write another one, rinse, repeat. Amassing a good catalog though peace bruhman
__________________
I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is TUPAC SHAKUR |
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|