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Old 04-12-2013, 04:56 PM   #1
Dove Dozer
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Cool Locked in.. (audio included)

The audio quality is shit I know, I recorded this with a shitty setup, which I've now rectified so I may re-record this.
(wrote this like 2 yrs ago)


audio link --------------------> http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page...songID=9607986




I have a story to tell, to keep it in is toxic
I feel sick to think about it, you're the one I'll talk with..

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I awoke in hell, I'll tell you of the darkest plot
no fire - brimstone, I was in the parking lot
to start's the hard part, can't take a breath - coughin
the day was cold and dark, I thought of death often
cherishing every breath, I seemed cautious
whoever put me here is sick, I don't mean nauseas
a total surprize I didn't know the disquise
was gonna hit me like a frieght train, you'll notice the size
of the ride in the picture, it looks decieving.
the trunk's actually bigger, this aint a book Im reading.
it was real life then, I was shook and bleeding.
the devil played a part, I hate the crooked heathen.
the engine seemed alive, like it would have to breathe
I swear it had a pulse and its blood was gasoline
it had me in its clutches with no way to escape,
I was on my way to hell, and had to wait at the gates
every moment seemed eternity, with the motor runnin,
its like I'm gonna die, and now I know its comin
I'm shiverin cold, I can feel the goosebumps
as we swerve down the road, I'm prayin for a loose trunk.
The wind was howling, just like the devils dog,
we raced down darkness, in a heavy fog.
I can't think straight, I saw a blink, he hit the brakes
if he pops the trunk, I'm fit to escape
I can't even think of how long ive been trapped
soon enough it all changed, weight on the gas
it was dark here, but the speed was blinding
it didn't take long for cops and sirens
whats it gonna take to stop the violence,
we need to pull together and stop the tyrants
don't think this is fake, written scripts
I was in the car when it flipped in the ditch,
when I came to, I couldn't move - was affraid to
I aint the same dude, who should I put the blame to
later found out I was lucky to survive
I should live stress free, and be alive
my freedom and my life, no one can take from me
cause the man I escaped from was...

Ted Bundy
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Old 05-08-2013, 08:59 PM   #2
Adonis
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uppin for re-link

Link don't work, repost that shit soo I can listen
.
@nO gOoD!
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Old 05-08-2013, 09:46 PM   #3
Dove Dozer
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@Adonis

Fixed
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Old 05-08-2013, 10:01 PM   #4
Adonis
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Decent audio. You took this fast paced which is cool, but I'm not a big fan of what "sounds" like 22 syllables per line to match the beat..confusing?

I prefer a slower rhythm as far as cadence. If I didn't have the words to follow along with I would most likely miss lines do to the speed of pronunciations. The opening bar had a pace closer to what I prefer.

I like the beat though, not sure if you made it or not.


Some bars seemed stretched but you do have pretty good breath control as far as following your rhythm, I notice the longer bars but you do your thing with it.

As far as content, not goona lie bro. Some lines were a bit simple, but the topic (I assume this was a topical?) was conquered. Decent content, though, as you know I'm a fan of the more sadistic parts of writing. I think your going into more depth with the crash and blood and shit would have fit in well for both imagery and giving your closure more of a punch, because we would see the pain and you saying you should live thankful for being alive would hold more affect


Good shit overall though brother. I really really want to record, have been jonesing for like 3 months. But I'm a bum who just wants to write a dope verse, and when it's time to record I just write another one, rinse, repeat.

Amassing a good catalog though

peace bruhman
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