AOWL Week 6: Objective (0-1) VS. Ink (1-1) [INK WINS, 9-4.] - Page 2

patrown · 03-27-2013, 01:09 AM

objective- enjoyed the way the verse went with the progression of the illness. excellent word choices, good rhymes.. told the story from an outside perspective, which was an interesting approach for the personal nature of the content. the approach to the subject was almost a statement in itself, but i couldn't quite grasps on to it. however, the digression of the piece worked well.

ink- you could write a book about one word ink. really, you're pretty damn descriptive. the part about the dimples on the skin of the fruit.. was very poetic, and i respect your ability to word anything eloquently. weren't overly reliant on end rhymes, which appealed to me in a basic yet powerful sense. if you could help me out with,
"a rind that salesmen bosses shun" - i would truly love to understand that line, and can sense it has a meaning i can't grasp a hold of. overall very nice showing, and your "jokes" are anything but that to your audience friend.

/v ink - the language chosen was more sincere.. i felt like it was an extremely emotional piece about .. a grapefruit.
felt a little bit more for the alzheimers patient, but i truly believe more careful word choices in the last few bars would've made my mind up for an objective win this week.

King Ra. · 03-27-2013, 05:59 AM

INK WINS, 9-4.

03-27-2013, 01:09 AM	#21
patrown ‹^›ô¿ô‹^› Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 596 Battle Record: 13-19 Rep Power: 0	objective- enjoyed the way the verse went with the progression of the illness. excellent word choices, good rhymes.. told the story from an outside perspective, which was an interesting approach for the personal nature of the content. the approach to the subject was almost a statement in itself, but i couldn't quite grasps on to it. however, the digression of the piece worked well. ink- you could write a book about one word ink. really, you're pretty damn descriptive. the part about the dimples on the skin of the fruit.. was very poetic, and i respect your ability to word anything eloquently. weren't overly reliant on end rhymes, which appealed to me in a basic yet powerful sense. if you could help me out with, "a rind that salesmen bosses shun" - i would truly love to understand that line, and can sense it has a meaning i can't grasp a hold of. overall very nice showing, and your "jokes" are anything but that to your audience friend. /v ink - the language chosen was more sincere.. i felt like it was an extremely emotional piece about .. a grapefruit. felt a little bit more for the alzheimers patient, but i truly believe more careful word choices in the last few bars would've made my mind up for an objective win this week.

03-27-2013, 05:59 AM	#22
King Ra. The Throne, The Crown Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 2,667 Battle Record: 21-35 Rep Power: 1932963	INK WINS, 9-4.