Week 1 Predictions and Discussion

[Zen]

Vote on my battle frank tha tank

[Zen]

I want you all to look at the pic for my battle once again and tell me what looks cohesive about it? Then I want you to find the sea of light, the castle of men, the horizon, the vertical dimension, the corpse, and then tell me why they are called the vesuvian men.

Btw all words are made up. They're not real. Some dude said orange is orange and red is red. Here's my word: dumlapfagum. It means fuck you and your dictionary.

My vent is complete. Congratulations @Rawn MD. We will meet again.

[Inno]

lol^^

[YDK]

Just got home from work, voting now

[NYCSPITZ]

well zen I'm glad that you, like most other men, are completely enamored with yourself to the point of nausea. You got votes from Cake and Vulgar who are excellent writers so try not to be too upset. It's paradoxical imo that you use an intricate concept such as the Vitruvian man (read: not vesuvius) and cry that we talk about word usage. Language evolves and words cannot convey everything, that's true. But being accurate with your words helps readers get acclimated to your complex message. How can you convey the topic you hinted at by using words like dumplagfag? Doesn't make any sense. Anyways, that might come off as a bit abrasive but you're a good writer imo, take this with a grain of salt if you want but NONE of the greats whether laconic like Hemingway or otherwise (Borges, Fitzgerald) were "inaccurate" with their language and wording. They knew their shit down pat 100%. Also if you read the bible of reading (How to read a book) it states that the best stories like the Odessey have an identifiable line, current, pulse which connects the story into a cohesive whole. Even those stories that seem jumbled have major underlying themes. ANyways, good luck on the rest of the season.

[Zen]

Lol'd at that. Not vitruvian like the da Vinci sketch. Vesuvius, like mount Vesuvius the volcano that erupted near Pompeii freezing the city into stone. I will say no more because the interpretation is left up to the reader, and I'm drunk so ill come off as an asshole.

[Inno]

sup with all this Peruvian shit?

you niggas need to give me a vote godam it.

[YDK]

Don't stress about votes ppl. I already had somebody say something about the same ppl always get voted for in my battle when its the first week of the league an I ain't even participates in over a year lol

[patrown]

i will aesthetic. just got home.

[patrown]

derp. i'm posting feed here, threads were closed on me. excuse the tardiness.

vividlyvague- wow. first i've read from you. definitely impressed, man. great mechanics, can tell you put some time into this. love this line..

So follow to lead... where shadows in this hollow of trees swallow the leaves...

very impressed by the content in this piece. i'd like to break it down but am out of time.
high five.

innovator - i felt quite a bit from your piece this week. just kind of spoke to me.
at first i identified with Senor Cumbersome Copperbot. then he was villified, and.. i was sad. that's ok though. i really like the direction you took. it grew on me after a couple reads. like the direct tone..

no golden chariots for the coward lost
only stones and flowered plots

that's some strong truth there buddy.

/v vividlyvague ... i went with who i felt nailed the topic more. great battle.

^ that thread closed on me.... and in YDK v Scripter, i think YDK took it with the more well rounded verse of the two. but it was a close call. I think scripter really brought something original to the table, i enjoyed the voice of that piece all by itself. and what you said with it is remarkable. i normally complain about huge jumps in syllable count. i ALWAYS complain about huge jumps in syllable count. and somehow, i liked it here.

[Certain]

Thanks, patrown. Your votes wouldn't have changed results, but your feedback is appreciated.

[Certain]

New matchups and topics should be up in the next 10-12 hours.

[patrown]

@Aesthetic

Through the waved eclipses that transfixes all desire.
Remains nothing but that of a martyr.
To aknowledge the later is to become a slater.
Creating Feet at the bottom for the future.

slater? as in, roofer? I don't understand that reference. Ok..
martyr, desire..... i think, being a martyr is a form of desire, for status not attainable in ones life, dependent on a faith to actualize.. so....... i see the connection there. the ultimate form of desire.. ok.. but, where does the slater come in to play? does the martyr need a roof? D:

i think you meant, the future, when you said "the later." that almost makes sense. but that sounds an awful lot like "the latter." so careful there. the former sentence would be the first one, and the latter sentence, the second. the apple and horse. the former = apple, latter = horse. anyway. sorry if i'm nitpicking but you asked for it bruh. creating feet at the bottom for the future, i'm not sure.. it felt like you were saying, creating a possible means of escape, a backup plan, or something of the sort. but that needed a little rewording.

But one needs knees to bend with a wave.
Or else death finds you as a slave.

i can relate to that. basically, if you don't go with the motions, you're not going to make it very far. agreed.

And the moon dwindles at the thought.
And earth kindles on the spot.
Tears of oceans are mixed and caught.
Valleys are flooded and rocky peaks are not.
For an endless dance with the sun is betrayal to moons distraught.

i like how you're being coherent, combining ideas.. I'm not sure why the earth spontaneously combusted. but i do like how you point out, barron , lifeless places.. like mountains/rocky peaks, aren't overhwelmed by "the motions". but a rocky peak is a lonely place to be chillin. so that whole area, i'm cool with. that last bar though.. i don't really understand the significance of the sun in this metaphor. so idk what to say there.
now the second half of your piece, i really think it started picking up. basically, i feel like you took an idea and developed it. the first half, i feel like you made a lot of statements that weren't entirely cohesive and difficult to understand on their own. use more imagery and make less statements. don't just tell me something. show me something. like you did here.

To crave is like a home, with a white picket fence.
An apple tree and a tire swing, for the days that are nonsense.
An overlook, and unwritten book, for all the right contents.

finding comfort in desire.. making the best of time that doesn't necessarily have a purpose.. and knowing there is more to it than just what you have, yet.. it's okay as it is. +1

Yet a flawless glare from the suns sinister stare shows clouds are nothing but air.
But the reflictive pair does not wake the air, and leaves it dormant for the fear it would
quake the air and the two would never breath their own fare.......

too many "airs" i try and not rhyme off the same word twice in the same piece. but that's just me.. just saying. would really sticks out here. i don't agree that a sunray will show a cloud to be less than water and air. because i'm not sure what the sun signifies in this piece, i'm not sure what you're saying here. i get the feeling you meant the sun and clouds to be the respective pair, though.

So what remains standing there, with strong bones and a clean slate.
Some would call it a gift and others would do it fate.
But a gift is food not that of a golden plate.
But a gift is food not that, of a golden state.

i'm not sure if i'm right, but from the conclusion here.. i feel like you've said, life isn't without it's problems. either a gift, or a burden.. pure, or tainted.. it's what you make of it. but you reap what you sow. so be careful. that's what i took from this, altogether.

[patrown]

Originally Posted by Certain

Thanks, patrown. Your votes wouldn't have changed results, but your feedback is appreciated.

oh fsho. i'm about it. looking forward to this next matchup..

[Zen]

Damn @patrown. That is in depth feed my friend.

[Inno]

Some of u niggas are up way to early lol

[Scripter]

@Certain
I commented on this battle
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=19403
It seemed like there were a lot of no shows the last time I checked.
I would post links but the threads are now closed. I did comment on the battles that were available at the time.

Just trying to give feed to be fair @Innovator, @Vividlyvague
Vividlyvague vs.Innovator

I thought both pieces were a little abstract,

Vividlyvague - "So follow to lead... where shadows in this hollow of trees swallow the leaves...
arched crankiness the shapes in this dank... to be drank in and weazed.
Thickness the stench, with uncomfortable viscosity achieved..."

This was my favor part of your rhyme because of the slick word play and the flexibility of rhyming scheme combine.

Innovator - "A definition of fear he personifies.
Leaving you broken and cast aside
Choking like breathing in pesticide
A fear of crossing bridges
And getting lost in between the ropes stitching"

I believe you did a good job of connecting with the image here, although your approach overall was very abstract. I believe this made things a little bit harder to follow as far as subject matter.



I would have voted Vividlyvague, although both pieces have great potential. I thought vividly used better rhyming schemes giving it a better flow overall.

[Inno]

thanks man....preciate the time to comment n the battle holmes

[Zen]

Are we voting on BOTW and VOTW @the mods?

[Inno]

no need to

thanks guys.