08-18-2021, 12:09 AM | #1 |
consults Lloyd
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rhymes
Get a hobby, they said. Out of your head, but that's where all the consonants live. Columns of letters caught in a cob of my consciousness' web I claw through to conjure microcosms to mesh. This hypochondria act's hiding the lie I rely on to mask I'm dying. It's bad. I might just relax. Deep sigh. Lie on my back. Digital rain sounds climb through the wax and sit in my brain. How's the climate, just ask. Currently on earth it's an emergency. A furnace burning trees. Concerned? Ask me how your currency from work can turn your burdens into needs my boss converts to furthering his greed. Heart murmuring. A beat circling, uncertain it's nervousness, a burp or if a surgeon needs a beep. Alerted to the lurid bliss Copernicus dismissed. The center of the senses. A winner of pretend events he never entered. We are all delivered. Pulled into existence to sift through since's remnants. Agendas we remember in an instant as if descendants whispered in us the tenets of the living's memory infinite. Epiphany's pretentious. Anything inventive a mimicry upended by a minute spent relenting to the limits of our limbus. Limping to the finish. The end. You've been sentenced.
Last edited by dull boy; 08-18-2021 at 12:14 AM. |
08-18-2021, 12:13 AM | #2 |
HE / HIM / FRAC
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Fuck
This is impressive on a few different levels |
08-18-2021, 10:40 AM | #3 | |
Shakespearian Dialect
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everything about your verse reminds me of my old homie named cab six.. dude was nasty but apart from that, I thought this was classic.. I loved it, in my opinion.. keep up the great work!
- cor |
08-19-2021, 04:22 PM | #4 |
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Seems effortless and almost every line’s well thought out. Great display of your stream of consciousness, it’s smoothly structured and doesn’t lose focus or meaning despite the different scheme. Loved the last few lines the most but the entire verse is clever and accessible.
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08-19-2021, 05:34 PM | #5 | |
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Nice use of assonance throughout.
This line stood out most to me among the others: Quote:
Keep your pen moving!
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08-24-2021, 04:02 PM | #6 |
rhyme capsule.
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nice(r) rhymes. pretty dope.
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08-30-2021, 11:22 PM | #7 |
( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)
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Inspiring stuff.
Loved the intro "Get a hobby, they said. Out of your head, but that's where all the consonants live". Straight to the point, hard hitting and makes understanding your piece as a whole clear as day, enjoyed the pacing.
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So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave. www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8ozGcGJ6o |
09-03-2021, 05:38 PM | #8 |
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The rhyme scheme was dope. The vocab was dope. I liked it a lot brother. Respect.
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09-04-2021, 12:56 AM | #9 |
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Best thing on page one. If I was young & cared I would give good feed.
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If I ventured in the slipstream Between the viaducts of your dreams Where immobil steel rims crack And the ditch in the back road stop Could you find me? |
09-07-2021, 07:15 PM | #10 |
consults Lloyd
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09-08-2021, 03:58 PM | #11 | |
obsessed
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09-19-2021, 07:07 AM | #12 |
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Sick flow. Enjoyed rapping it and cool content.
I liked the first 2/3 better than the end. Thought it was a little less sick starting with Alerted. But still pretty great. Would be cool if you wrote something even longer. |
10-09-2021, 11:48 AM | #13 |
nok Su kow
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Nice chunk of meat here.
Favored lower sections All dope. Multi King still huh
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10-09-2021, 05:53 PM | #14 | |
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Epiphanies pretentious
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10-10-2021, 12:51 PM | #15 |
White Earl
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Its alive
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10-13-2021, 08:21 PM | #16 |
Ukrainian Howlitzers
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Not enough wordplay for a Wednesday
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10-15-2021, 05:58 PM | #17 |
consults Lloyd
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10-17-2021, 05:37 PM | #18 | |
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Fire
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