07-17-2019, 09:24 PM | #1 | |||
HE / HIM / FRAC
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: PA
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Week 3 Mag
[Intro]
Whatup netcees, it's your motherfucking boy Sharp with the week 3 mag... on a Wednesday. To be perfectly honest, voting ain't where it should be. This league is supposed to be chill but we gotta get votes in the weekend before if it's gonna run smoothly. Not having the votes on time two weeks in a row doesn't just throw the schedule, it throws the mags, and I have some extra goofy bullshit planned. If you guys get the votes done this weekend, I promise you a fully playable game starring a known text character with next week's mag. No exaggeration. [Reviews] INF vs Zuo Zelph recycled 2 out of 3 concepts to make for a fitting end to his efforts here. I gotta say, if he put as much effort cheating into running the NBL, it'd probably still be popping off, but instead we had a wasted INF verse featuring a fire beam bar, propelling him to a dominant 2-0. Ryno vs John Dillinger Lighting doesn't strike twice and JD predictably noshows. Ryno wins by NS yet again. Shame, because he's good competition for anyone. Killing Spree vs Cynic Spree has been doing his thing these last two weeks. I came with something different for sure, which would've been a bodybag (read: noshow) against Spree a few months ago, but he put out a solid verse two weeks running. His current event punches make me think he's filling in the void left by @King Karaoke. If he can step the execution and wording of those up, he'll have a decent draw of ammo with no one else really flipping em. Spree is one of two undefeated in decision battlers we have for a reason. That said, I'm hoping he sticks to more bars like the current events because when he jacks Allen Knight's style (see: Incinerate) his wording suffers. I had to sign out to keep the numbers even, but rest assured, Cynic will be spinning some shit somewhere soon. Blue Bayou vs Wanderer This was a fun one if not for the shit voting. Blue had some solid concepts that he executed in his old longbar style that struck a nostalgic chord and read smoothly. It was refreshing at first, but then, it was 10 longbar lines so their novelty wore off quickly. My one complaint is how many nameflips Blue used - 4 out of 5 punches - and having seen Wanderlust, his most quoted bar, used against Wanderer before. Wanderer is proving himself to have a good raw style, two solid gunbars that netted just shy of half of the votes make me think this guy reeeeeally shouldn't be 0-2 right now. That said, every league has someone start with a record that doesn't fit their skill and this season, it's Wanderer. Watch out for the dude. Blue got the last vote in OT to take the closest battle of the season. Diablo vs Slechtq Yeah, blow me @Slechtq Answer vs Innovator This was fun. Answer is a legit funny battler and Inno is a legit funny person and they made for a good read. Answer bordered on corny at times (which having a purely text delivery will do) while still having some clever jabs. Inno bucked the trend of people new to text jacking a HOF battler's style and went for a full Uh-Oh. I'm not saying it can't work, but against bars like Answer's Pilsner and surprise party, he had the heart but not the bars. [No-Show Shine] Quote:
Quote:
[Top Punches] Answer vs Innovator Talkin bout craft beers? id drink u under the table.. pay ur respect rookie Pilsner cup ain’t just your drink order, it’s the only way you can get pussy INF vs Zuo You're a morlock hiding in tunnels...lip here's a brash little coward I aim & when the red beam flash at a mutants collar it won't be dampening powers Wanderer vs Blue Bayou Ur bars are ALLLL shit. Custom tools mean u gonna die, bitch Ur hand writtens need real help so it make sense I show u a modified grip Ryno vs John Dillinger i've got a tag team that'll shake the Net, give a call & im sprayin this clown this aint free agency, but for the right contract i'll bring both the K's to ya town Zuo vs INF I mean, vs bleak I mean, vs Blue Bayou? lmaoooo jk trash Killing Spree vs Cynic U weak bro... ‘Obnoxious ego’ but this nerd is gay I put hard time into these bars... shit U drop could bunk up w/Amen in a cell for 30 days Blue Bayou vs Wanderer Hair trigger this fare wigger, let the tech blow n’ pown’em…Blow his black out, pathetic threats I won’t condone em…Bro let go you’re flows done… Cuz you’re about to see a |Buck from Blue, Wand| - NO |Expecto Patronum| (creativity much?!?!) [Roast Results] Judged by Seth BLUE if Steve Jobs was a Key Fob, you'd have the same linear dims better yet if Fassbender crack bendered...nah you'd still be a skinnier him Crack bendered? @Zelph for wordplay anaylsis... 1/4 now we know for a fact you're not the illest of all.. who the fuck goes to the barber & asks for The Vantriloquist Doll?! Eh, it make sense and all but not harsh.. 2/4 gooone at this scrawny faget flailin' in his jeans.. locations fitting tho, you being considered dope is alien to me Eh, seems like a lazy use of the Scientology church.. 2/4 this picture's proof you need to drop the pen & just quit.. don't think you'll Excel cuz your company invented the shit Cool, Excel isn't a new concept in battles but good personal twsit for a roast.. 3/4 it's time you just skiddaddled dork.. Bird Up?! yaaa, if we're talkin votes last time you battled orc Dope.. 4/4 Is it weird for your wife that men make you hard & erect?! took a trip to San Francisco & we still don't see this Bumgarner respect Cool, not shockingly dope though.. 3/4 you're a 'sensative male' that needs to stay wary of karma got a question now that you're grown up...did you end up marrying Darla?! Dope, funny.. 4/4 -------- 19/28, .679, some of the raw humor failed where the concepts shined. Usual Blue stuff. Little to technical for a roast maybe. ------------------------ ANSWER chicks know ur a joke, last girl u asked out took 1 look & died then bitch literally peed her parka then called u a fag for looking like him Awful lol.. 0/4 cracking up at this scrawny bastard, u really think u can date her? stop as much as u let ur shirt fade away bitches get leaned when u take ur shot Good concept, not sure its harsh here though? Shirt seems ok.. 2/4 all those tranny sluts u been fucking, you as sick as can be ijs that shirt ain't the first time u were rocking w/ a chick with a D Dope, nice use of the pic and play on words.. 4/4 This frail ass bitch is a beta male that’s afraid to dance without a doubt If sharp loses his tempeh it’s after I knock the fuckin vegan sandwich out his mouth No, doesn't really work but ok try.. 1/4 You scrawny ass anorexic jared from silicon valley ho in a picture U are what u eat, and no meat? Well that really shows in your figure Ehhhhhhh lazy.. 1/4 u still dress like a indie fag from middle school lookin f'ing retarded the moment u got them chucks u should've done that to them in the garbage Alright, makes sense and worded well just not harsh.. 2.5/4 dont piss me off, we both know u gon get hurt if u try to brawl with me i told em to stay clear, he got so scared he wound up @ the church of scientology Maybe I'm missing something?.. 1/4 ----------- 11.5/28, .411, some stuff he knows was bad lol.. Could have done much better.. ---------------------------------------------------------- RYNO wtf r u? a buck 05? hit the gym pussy or im snappin ya neck scrawny bitch, watch my crossfit through ur fkn shirt without breakin a sweat Cool.. 3/4 ya face gettin flexed w/ ease, bet these weapons leave ya bruisin i'd put the long nose over ya mouth but those shitty genetics beat me to it Kind of see this one coming, worded well though.. 2.5/4 i hate roasts, im just lettin off steam, bet the tech'll dust ya no stove top nigga, that green t'll be smokin hot once its wet the fuck up Nicee.. 3/4 theres no magic potion that'll fix ya mug, ik the hoes aint lettin em bone lookin like harry potter, so ill be providin the stick w/ the bolt to ya dome Okay for a gunbar, feel like in general the concepts been touched.. 2/4 say ur prayers homie, see these shots gonna change ur fate scientology? cyn full of himself if he thinks he wont be knockin on heavens gate Ok, not really great. Kinda light for a nameplay and personal.. 1.5/4 ------------ 12/20, .600, little lacking on humor for the sake of grittiness. Cool but not the most effective way to hit a roast. -------------------------------------------- CYNIC A text titan in the flesh! legacy only getting bigger oh... shit, my b. I was thinkin of another Styk Figure Dope.. 4/4 for real, Sharp a G. elevated the culture. still a skinny bitch to give text another dimension he must have given up one of his Cool.. 3/4 gotta quit violent bars. guns n knives? don't try bitch no one's gonna fear your arms when ya necks bigger than ya bicep Ehh, light humor jab.. 2/4 N those coat hanger shoulders? Bruh, you need to stop it Wit a frame like that it's a wonder you haven't hung yourself in a closet Cool, seems familiar but worded well.. 2.5/4 Ugly ass. No way you got a sex life, dude If I looked like that, I'd call myself a cynic too Nahh.. 1/4 Said it was your honeymoon, stop stuntin dude Fuck your shirt. No way theres even one bird up on you Okay, doesn't hit harsh.. 2/4 how ya GAP kids shit baggy? you on diet pills or crack?? ya wardrobes fitting... only cuz on ya vacation you STILL got the lime on your back LOL... right right right 5/4 -------------- 15.5/28, .554, teetered off at the end, got more keystyle wording.. -------------------------------------------------------- WANDERER In San Fran u ain’t slick as fuck. Dudes phones u been hitting up Arms spread wide tryna show the size of the last guys dick u sucked No... 1/4 I’m in disarray... u alone with no chicks, keepin it gay Scarecrow stance but there ain’t no birds, despite what ur T-shirt say Okish... 2/4 Nobody chat to u. Passers by give attitude. Even ur own shadow ain’t wanna be snapped with u Nah.. 1/4 Shirt says Birds up but surely u have to beat that When it come to muscle I’ve seen more meat looking at a sparrows kneecap I see what you wanted to do but you shouldn't have.. 1/4 Away working on a plan bruh? Look like Steve jobs during the cancer. nerds want an app to help them find girls & it look like u’ve developed the answer No... 0/4 ------------ 5/20, .250, Just some big misses.. You tried though.. ----------------------------------------- INF You lanky creature w/ alien features: on earth for the first time Sends Non-Binary signals...no surprise he posed in Close Encounters of the Third Kind Lol cool, little out there for a roast.. 2.5/4 Virgin gets NO PUSSY! what a hard life drawing crowds to shop sites.. But WIFING a blow-up sex doll isn't weird...for an Inflatable Flailing arms guy Ehhhhh cool idea I guess, just kinda corny? Bad wording? Just didn't hit but was creative.. 2.5/4 Look like beaker from the Muppets but acts a tweaker out in public.. Finding moral loopholes around eating meat...cuz this Vegan just LOVES to suck dick Nope... 1/4 No tongue twist. yea that's a disguise this shapeshifting faggot can die Square is angular on many levels, see...it's cast from behind & shadows don't lie Good use of the pic but not harsh... 2.5/4 Pleasure for your girl is really rare...sons not big enough to fill her there The closest this tool gets to Elon Gates...is getting mistaken for both billionaires Lmao god damn wp.... Giving you one pass... 3/4 These white kids pretend in their bars. gun life you're not really apart.. Keep wavin arms talkin bout that Stick, Insect...the best you'd do is 'Blend in w/ Barc' Lmaoo cool... 4/4 Sharps proof of the slender man myth. turn sideways = little damn width.. Weight of his Flesh Light...PLUS thin enough to slip in a bodysuit & enter that shit Lmao, favorite humor reliant bar of the roast tbh.. 4/4 ------------------ 19.5/28, .696, good mix of concepts and approaches. almost went to text nerd but didn't kill the vibe. Accomp to be added in next week's record update. Congrats INF! [Previews] Killing Spree 2-0 vs INF 2-0 The two undefeated by decision battlers we have. INF has had quality drops, but both of his verses were the minimum. Spree's gone 10 both weeks and both times dropped solid verses. The odds are in INF's favor here, but you can't deny Spree's been personal both weeks while INF has had two verses highlighted by beam bars. He definitely hasn't been able to coast, but if Spree continues his trend he can split voters. INF has the benefit of better execution with wp, so if I were Spree, I'd stay away from that. Something like Incinerate against an INF bar will end up looking sloppy and likely work against you. Look for: :fire emoji: Ryno 2-0 vs Blue Bayou 1-1 Already dropped. Vote now if you haven't already. Look for: No one to vote :( Diablo 1-1 vs bleak 0-0 Unorthodox style vs looking for a new style. Lars and bleak both find the average battle verse too formulaic and both are good for something different. For Lars, it's being funny and dropping a verse that would get a crowd reaction. For bleak, it's mixing up different aspects of his punches while still having a sting in text. This is a unique matchup to me with potentially refreshing results if both come with it. Look for: A different but dope read. Bodysnatcher 0-0 vs JaysonFresh 0-0 I gotta be honest, I matched up these guys cause they're both single word names with 2 capital letters. Nah, Body is a modern day killah while Jayson was known to wreck shit on NC 1.0. His two posts on this site are a sign in and a fire OM that would get a Dom Demarco on any stage. This is a battle of the week if both show, and I'm more worried about Jay than Body. For Jay, this is a new name/face and a lot of work, while for Body, this is another chance to prove himself over established competition, and you know he thrives under this pressure. Look for: Potential battle of the season if Jayson shows. That's the only real question mark for me. And if he shows, the question mark is who takes a potential classic. Innovator 0-1 vs Wanderer 0-2 I love em both, but Wanderer battles more. Inno's definitely having fun, but he's got a tough guy to have fun against. Wanderer just barely lost his last two (including one against Blue Bayou) with good mechanics and concepts. Inno's channeling Uh-Oh makes for an enjoyable read, but he needs to be personal here in some way. Without any sting, Wanderer is likely to blow past him. Look for: Fire from Wanderer. He is better than 0-2 but he's had good competition. Inno's gonna do his thing for sure but Wanderer knows that record doesn't reflect his ability. [Outro] All I can say is vote. Was not kidding about the playable game in next week's mag. Let's make it dope. Peace |
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07-17-2019, 09:25 PM | #2 |
HE / HIM / FRAC
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: PA
Posts: 11,592
Battle Record: 56-21
Accomplishments - 50+ Wins
Champed - The Ultimate Writer
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Rep Power: 12601535 |
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07-17-2019, 09:43 PM | #3 |
Ukrainian Howlitzers
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Cool
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"I shit myself
I had to throw my underwear in the dumpster outback Uve won" -kungfugrip |
07-17-2019, 09:57 PM | #4 |
GOAT
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@Wanderer extension eye lash bar was bar of the week and probably will be sigged
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Too Rich IRL to Be Here. I'm Out.
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07-17-2019, 10:07 PM | #5 |
Senior Member
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So don’t use wordplay at all? Just gun bars and generics? Got it
Thanks for the work sharp I’ll make sure to vote more |
07-17-2019, 10:35 PM | #6 |
Sidearms
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07-17-2019, 10:47 PM | #7 |
Ukrainian Howlitzers
Join Date: May 2013
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A steel/still concept out of the gate, followed by cadaver / could have her and this guy wants to talk wordplay
Lmaoooo die slow after you Christopher Reeves off your pony squirt
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"I shit myself
I had to throw my underwear in the dumpster outback Uve won" -kungfugrip |
07-17-2019, 10:50 PM | #8 |
yeet
Join Date: Mar 1993
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My animals giving hands out... got pro reach to most regions
24 Palms from Panama, You'll be 24/MIA way South of those beaches This shit was fire |
07-17-2019, 10:50 PM | #9 |
Sidearms
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Gone
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07-17-2019, 10:51 PM | #10 |
yeet
Join Date: Mar 1993
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Do you promise
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07-18-2019, 10:02 AM | #11 |
Hail Mary Haymakers
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UD
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Bang Bang. Don Demarco. It's shit like that.... |
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