12-14-2017, 06:23 PM | #1 |
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"The Pegs"
The sea breeze pinched at his bulbous nose as he wrestled to keep each ship against the undertow. A thunderous blow struck the keel of the ship "Trouble below!" came the squeal from their lips. Their leader, a picaroon known as The Peg, uneasily shifted on his only good leg. The Holy Celeste was losing buoyancy quick and with no intervention, they'd be ahoy with the ship! A guttural noise was emitted as the cannons were shelled and The Peg voiced his decision "Every man for himself!" The captain could smell danger coursing the wind but would stand at the helm as he fought for his ship. A second tortuous hit followed the first menacing blow as the nautical nincompoop struck again from below. The captains men were all showing their swashbuckling best and The Celeste was still holding up, but this could be the end. An elongated tentacle emerged from its dwelling at last plunged from the depths and tied itself to the mast! The Peg was aghast, he couldn't believe it, the good leg that he had almost buckled beneath him. Nothing he's seen in his tenure as captain could have competed with the strength of The Kraken. Some men had just scattered and jumped for their lives as it's tentacles fastened and pulled them aside. The Peg stood there despite being some distant apart wanting to look in the eyes of this killer at large. It's slithering arms squelch while flanking the floor eager to shrill it the largest seaworthy scalp of them all! The Peg gasped within awe as the giant released a blackwater roar with its mouth open wide as the sea. The prehensile of the creature continued advancing silently creeping until it's tip touched the captain. It hissed as it grabbed him by his only good leg before sinking it's massive teeth through the bone and the flesh. The moment The Peg tried to wrestle his life from its jaws he'd thrown back his head screaming "Arrgh!" like no pirate before. The captain tried to withdraw his one and only sword but The Kracken's gigantic organs merely tossed it overboard. With his options growing shorter by the second like his leg all was lost, or so he thought, until remembering his peg! Steadily he elevated his small and wooden prop taking every single measure to ensure he struck the spot. Before he took his shot and hit it right in the eye forcing up his prosthesis until it finally died. The captain might of survived despite it taking his leg but his title was prised and he was then renamed as 'The Pegs' ARRRRRGGGGGHHH!
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- Netcees Rebuttal Tourney - Art of Writing League (x 4) - AOWL Season 11 Champion (Undefeated Season) Last edited by sral; 12-17-2017 at 03:15 PM. |
12-18-2017, 12:10 PM | #2 | ||||||
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Also, in terms of pure mechanics, your transitional, inner and end rhymes, were all smooth as fuck. Quote:
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This was a dope read, Baron. It had action, danger, suspense and even comedy. Furthermore, it read fluid and natural and, thanks to your vocab and attention to detail, I was easily able to buy into your suspended reality. Last edited by ACTIVATE SELF; 12-18-2017 at 07:06 PM. |
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07-11-2018, 02:14 AM | #3 |
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This one caught my eye because the rhyme and meter are very much on point and you had some good descriptions too.
Activate Self is a feed champ Last edited by Pharaohs Army; 07-11-2018 at 02:24 AM. |
07-11-2018, 11:25 AM | #4 |
consults Lloyd
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Nautical nincompoop and mouth opened wide as the sea were standout phrases.
Wish it had ended in a less predictable way, but that doesn’t really mean anything but my own personal taste. Cool shit. |
07-11-2018, 11:35 AM | #5 |
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gave me goosebumps.
liked it. |
07-11-2018, 12:36 PM | #6 |
White Earl
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Awesome.
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07-16-2018, 03:21 PM | #8 | |
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Enjoyed this story. Well done.
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07-17-2018, 01:59 AM | #9 |
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Your imagery is just stupid sick...word usage was great bro, this is like some novel put in2 like what...23 lines?
Fuckin' ill. |
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