Golden Linings Frozen Compliance

[Mr. J]

Shower me in disregard; bathe me in sin
light the flame to my passion & inhale me in
mistake me again..have patience my friend
fortitude, forceful use that tortures you...
begs for guidance, arrives with a grin & a coke
mixed with gin & a smoke, on a limb as it broke
carried by the wind...then the limits imposed
the worlds given a rose, & awarded an encore
a calmed storm, stunt double. Operation Condor
a room full of mirrors, life & death at the wrong door
ended up on the wrong floor...
the sirens sing their song for...
the drunken & forgotten as they sunk in the sonnet
for the love of the wanted, the lust that is haunted
the trust that is thwarted with the touch of a Goddess
fuck it...I'm drawn in, the frame is rocked..
but the picture is too insane to stop, I hate the thought
blazing pot to forget her name...slay her..nah...
it's just another page I have to erase her off
the expression is best to leave her blank...
& gone with the night, I'll resume life tomorrow
cast the first rock as Medusa's eyes wander
....leave me to my demons under the Moonlight Sonata

[brokenhal0]

see man u keep that fire lit;] thats love tho...keep dropping the real....

[K Panda]

Moonlight Sonata is prolly one of my favorite pieces to play on the piano, so I like your closing line. I think youre rhyme scheme and syllable control is impressive, but I think you started a lot better than you ended pattern wise. This was a dop read though, nice to see pieces where people have control over words and use them for their meaning and not just rhyming purpose.

Only question I have is why did you reference Operation Condor. I know of the operation, and I can't quite pin point how youre trying to use it.

[KennyCerealBowl]

starting line was really strong.
rhyme scheme sometimes was a lil weird. I think there was one line were you didn't rhyme. Flows like this really show how they would truly be in an audio. written it's kind of hard to follow kind of.

Cool man

[Pharaohs Army]

sick.
i should probably pick one of your half-assed verses because there's not much to say here.

You have a knack for 2 important things (when you try at your top level): structured rhyming but also incorporating some creative but understandable rhyme-bending.

I saw this also in a particular topical verse which was very very impressive. i'm not digging for the link.. it was a win vs. unbornbuddha somewhere.

i'm of course vastly over-generalizing but, I think, in a way, your style is what I could be if i got a little better.

Everyone's different and I like to be myself. I'm just speaking as far as structural clarity&shit.

But please don't mistake that for shameless fandom; that realm for me is soley reserved for bb

[Pharaohs Army]

it's just another page I have to erase her off

These kind of lines are the "home-runs".
Sometimes hard in this goddamn world of text because it's kind of a slow-down pronunciation after a lot of other lines are more connected.

[Mr. J]

thanks breh's appreciate it...

Originally Posted by K Panda

Moonlight Sonata is prolly one of my favorite pieces to play on the piano, so I like your closing line. I think youre rhyme scheme and syllable control is impressive, but I think you started a lot better than you ended pattern wise. This was a dop read though, nice to see pieces where people have control over words and use them for their meaning and not just rhyming purpose.

Only question I have is why did you reference Operation Condor. I know of the operation, and I can't quite pin point how youre trying to use it.

It was more of a Jackie Chan reference due to the use of 'stunt double'
but it can be interpreted the same I believe, I recall reading about "Operation Condor" and it had said that there were assassinations involved
& due to my decently adequate knowledge (at least from movies) in an assassination attempt they'd involve stand ins
but I like to link Jackie Chan to it just because he wouldn't let anyone stand in for him
otherwise it was just something to keep the whole verse rolling along as it came to mind